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Decisions, decisions...

JanJan63's picture
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

It's a minor decision but it's still bugging me. I had my latest CT scan on Monday. I don't seee my onc until next Thursday, so a week and a half later. It's how it's done here, we have to go to an appointment and get the results. But I could get in to see my family doctor this week and find out.

I'm trying to decide if I want to do that or just wait. If it's good news I want it now. If it's bad news the longer the better. But if it's bad news it gives me the opportunity to do some research before I see my onc. I'm thrilled to see the success stories that have come up in the past week but it makes me think that it can't keep being positive stories and I might be the unlucky one who gets to be the bad luck story. 

The other thing I'm thinking is that I haven't had a CT since last fall and we didn't start the chemo until February so it could have gotten bigger and then is actually shrinking from that size but will still be bigger than the last CT result. So how do they know if this is the case?

Dammit, I'm really scared and worried because we don't have some of the treatment options that are available in the states. Canada takes much longer to approve things. And I still don't understand why they can't radiate the mets again.

If you're reading this Phil, know that I'm thinking of you tomorrow when you go for your scan and I hope that you won't have the nausea you're so worried about. Stupid f*****g cancer. I'm so fed up with it and all the suffering from it. There's been more than enough money put in for finding a cure. It's more than past time to find one. Go back to hell where you came from cancer. None of us deserve this.


Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5413
Joined: Jan 2013

Oh, I know, its just not something we find easy. 

The last CT scan I had, and the one coming up, I have a three week wait between my scan and my Oncologist appointemt.  I just tell myself that if there is something wrong, surely my Onc will call me. So I just chill, and let it all hang our for the three weeks. 

There is no easy answer, Jan, and you know that. I know that typing your frustrations out is therapeutic, and that is what this forum is all about. 

I'm wishing you the very best of results (and I'm thinking of Phil as well). 


SandiaBuddy's picture
Posts: 1171
Joined: Apr 2017

Jan, it is obviously a tough and an individual decision.  You will know eventually, the only question is whether a few days with or without the knowledge would make you feel better or worse.  Personally, I tend to like the information as soon as possible, but everyone is different, and I could see how having a nice weekend off without the knowledge might be a good thing too.  Good luck with your decision.

Posts: 69
Joined: May 2017

Wishing you the best in your results. Whatever you decide I hope it works for you 

Cindy225's picture
Posts: 172
Joined: Feb 2017

Hi Jan - I would want to know the results ASAP but also would want my onc to interpret them. Waiting is so hard... you go through so many scenarios and emotions. Tru's advice is good to chill. Wonderful you have horses so connecting and spending time with them may calm anxiety and nerves. I also find meditation and mindfulness are calming. 

JanJan63's picture
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Thanks you guys. To be honest, I find that posting about it on here and receiving support is very helpful. I can tell my friends and family but they have their own agendas. And none of them know what its like to have cancer. My one friend that's had it has the same frustrations I do. The only other place to post about things like this is Facebook but I'm more private than that and I'm looking for a job and one of the job searches I'm using is on Facebook so I don't want someone finding that information on there because I've decided to not tell potential employers that I have it or if I do I'm downplaying it. This is until I find out my results. They might be fabulous and it won't be an issue for an employer so why tell them? Or it might be bad and I shouldn't be working yet and should go on disability leave. So I don't want it public other than my people who already know.

Thanks for the thoughts everyone! I appreciate the support and the patience with me for posting something personal.


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