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One of those days!

Kat23502's picture
Kat23502
Posts: 179
Joined: Feb 2016

For the most part, I do my follow-ups and take care of myself physically, but I don't think of my kidney cancer every minute like I used to. However, today has been one of those days I can't get it out of my head. I know I'm extremely lucky that I found this cancer on myself, but it feels so strange to think lucky and cancer in the same thoughts. Just a bit of a struggle today!

daisybud's picture
daisybud
Posts: 521
Joined: Jan 2016

I can go along great and live life without thinking about cancer every minute of every day,  but some days I still get scared and have days where it consumes most of my thoughts. I never read stuff online anymore bc it scares the crap out of me.  I guess it's normal.  You are not alone in this struggle.

Kim

Steve.Adam's picture
Steve.Adam
Posts: 463
Joined: Oct 2016

One day, far far in the future, I hope you suddenly have this thought... 'Damn it! I worried about the wrong thing!'

The sames goes for me too, of course.

Steve.

BoondockSaint's picture
BoondockSaint
Posts: 242
Joined: Mar 2017

I think it's just human nature to worry. I can tell there are days that my wife seems a bit distant, or she'll have that  1000 yard stare on her face and I can tell she's in a deep thought. 

Same goes for loved ones too. I worry.......but not as much as before. we both try not to let it consume us, as hard as that may be to do.

sometimes the worst place in the world to be is inside your own head.

Hang in the Kat....big hugs from us.

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 3183
Joined: Oct 2011

we're here. We don't need brain mets for head issues. But we need healthy ned people like you to show us there is life after neph. It is easy to mentally crash once in a while. Let it happen. 2-3 days of a bummer trip is temporary. You've dodged the bullet. Life is great and you are sitting on top of the world. I would bet a little survivors guilt adds to your distress. Not an emotion we have much experience with. FLY.

lobbyist0724's picture
lobbyist0724
Posts: 471
Joined: Sep 2016

Same here :) 

I used to worry about it everyday and now transitioned to "thinking" about it everyday. But sometimes, muscle pain or whatever pain can easily trigger the "Worry about it" symtom. Then I will tell myself "Let go........."

CRashster's picture
CRashster
Posts: 241
Joined: Mar 2017

Sometimes, I have PTSD like moments. Mostly, when I'm driving. I'll be fine and suddenly realize I had/have cancer. It's usually intensely emotional and I end up crying some, but end up feeling better after. I think it's part of healing.

donna_lee's picture
donna_lee
Posts: 1020
Joined: Feb 2009

Sorry to hear the doldrums have set in.  It does seem to take the wind out of your sails.  It truly is an up and down thing, and still stikes me.  It's not as frequently or as severe; but it is there at times.  I can see an ad on TV, read a news or feature story, or someone will ask me how I'm doing with a very pointed look on their face.  And I think, "Oh, Cancer...sh**!

It's normal, it's a cruddy feeling, and it will probably never completely go away.  It just gets less attention in my brain when it does occur.

I hope you feel better today than you did when your wrote the post.Laughing

Hugs.  And thanks for your input on CT's.  It helps to have our own, private advisor.

donna_lee

APny's picture
APny
Posts: 1998
Joined: Mar 2014

I'm the same way. Perfectly fine for the longest time then wham! Hugs.

Kat23502's picture
Kat23502
Posts: 179
Joined: Feb 2016

Thanks guys, I appreciate you all so much. I am feeling back to myself today!

Tucdon
Posts: 19
Joined: Jun 2017

Hi Kat,

  I am only about 6 weeks past surgery but all seems to be going good. I wish the best for you too. I think it is only humn to think about such a great event but you hae to keep positive and remember we got this far and are blessed . I'm sory I did not get on  here yesterday.

 

CRashster's picture
CRashster
Posts: 241
Joined: Mar 2017

little girl singing for her dad who has colon cancer. Yeah, I didn't make it. It's funny how they don't understand why I have to change channels...

Allochka's picture
Allochka
Posts: 974
Joined: Nov 2014

I can't watch a movie where somebody has cancer anymore, I just can't... Well, it is the same for all great stresses in life. My friend was in Nepal during 2015 eartquake, it hit her group hard. She couldn't watch Everest movie either, because they were showing familiar views and vistas. She was crying and turning away

CRashster's picture
CRashster
Posts: 241
Joined: Mar 2017

It's like that 50/50 movie. I saw it pre-cancer and it was a pretty good movie. I watch it now and it's a totally different experience. It's funny because alot of it seems accurate per my experience.

lobbyist0724's picture
lobbyist0724
Posts: 471
Joined: Sep 2016

I watched it too, and it is a good movie. I really like the ending when it makes it feel like the tumor is gone and no need to worry about it ;)

foroughsh's picture
foroughsh
Posts: 779
Joined: Oct 2014

I get you

After almost three years I strill struggle with it sometimes, definitely not as much as earlier but it seems like this thought is at the corner waiting for a good time to attack me. Once I'm on my period and I'm emotionally exhausted this thought comes to my mind. Once I've had a rough day it comes back to my mind and hurts me but I've learned how to deal with it. I close my eye and begin imagining good future, such as me being an elderly having all my grandkids around me, or my hubby and I with white hair traveling around the world after our retirement. These positive imagination helps me feel better, sometimes​ I see myself speaking about my cancer experience and helping newbies twenty years from now.

We all might have some bad days but at the end we can beat terrifiing thoughts.

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