Feeling Lost

Everyone is different

Think of what you did before to relieve stress and pursue it. Something physical like walking or yoga can be really helpful.

Don't neglect your spiritual life. Find a good church or synagogue and attend. The litany can be soothing: the music can be comforting.

Journal. Write down EVERYTHING.

Pray.  Get rest.

Come back here and vent.

 

I like you are new to the

I like you are new to the support group. Like so many others here I am experiencing anticipatory grief. For me this has started within the last week. The love of my life is fighting a battle that we are going to lose. I am scared most of the time right now, I am profoundly sad, we have four school age children. Support groups in my town or area  are almost non existent. I began counseling this week because I am struggling, and although he is feeling good right now it will go really fast, all we want to do is buy more time. Therapy is going to help I know. I am angry because I have to go through it twice, grief of loss of future and grief for my spouse after this monster takes him.  Some things I am occupying myself with is living in the moment, I am adopting a dog for my children that is typically therapuetic. We are going todo the vacations we want to do now so I just focus on the short term plans while being mindful of the longterm. I hope this helps. I could use some tips for the dread of night, and early AM. I think that is when it's the worst. I also wish I didnt feel like crying every time someone looks at me, any tips? 

Coping

We have no support group options.  I have found a few people that have been caregivers to talk to though as I have listened to things people say to me and relate stories of other families.  They are the only people that I can be honest with and not be judged.  The not being judged is key.  You might find that in a therapist or friend or online but you have to have that, I think, to stay sane.  The caregiving role is an animal all it's own.  Grief and caregiver stress are related but not the same.  Everyone has their own journey but I think we all need to find someone, somewhere to provide a listening ear and help carry us through the journey.  I am trying to spread out my venting so I don't wear out my friends and family and other support system.  If I sense someone doesn't get it, I just move on and realize I did not get it either when some of my friends needed support.  It is hard to get it if you have not lived it.  Until I lived it, I did not realize how my "help" was not that helpful so I try not to get frustrated with those that are trying to help me and just can't.  Plus I don't  have the energy to be mad.  If the support group is not for you, find another way to get support.  It does not have to be a group.  

wholeheart11 said:

Lonely

I myself feel incredibly lost and lonely.  My boyfriend in his mid 30s has been dx with NSC lung cancer and this is a new relationship that began earlier this year.  So, that honeymoon stage ended pretty quickly as both of our focuses are on him. Everyone says I'm strong, but I don't feel strong at all. I find myself unmotivated, depressed feeling neglected, sometimes unappreciated, and just on the back burner. I know it comes with the situation, but will it change? Does it change or get better? He's begun treatments now and I get the moody side effects and the irritability from him to where I can't even say I had a bad day today.  I try to talk to friends and family, was thinking maybe I need a support group, or possibly a therapist? I'm unsure how to handle this emotionally and mentally, and on top of all of this I am in nursing school. It's very wearing on me on both sides of the spectrum. I used to love the gym and working out, but I don't even have the motivation to do it anymore, sometimes I go for long runs, but that's about it. Any advice?

You sound depressed. And a

You sound depressed. And a depressed caregiver can really get sucked in and hurt when trying to take care of someone else (especially a spouse with cancer).  I have found through my own experiences that my spouse who is really depressed is most happy when Im upset.  And if Im upset, I physically feel crappy.  I also gave up and gave in for some time and my wife's depression ruled the house.

Here is what you need to do.  Find positives in your life.  Your in nurshing school and that sounds like a positive.  Your working toward a degree so that you can get a job or better job.  Focus your energy on nursing school and do the best you can in nursing school.  There must be other positives in your life.  You talk about friends and family.  You have to find someone you can talk to regularly because it is stressful.  A therapist is great idea. Try to find positives in your life.  Things that you want to do and enjoy and pursue those things.  For the immediate future, I would recommend a vacation.  Even a short vacation where you can clear your head out.