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5 months on the 22nd

david54
Posts: 167
Joined: Apr 2009

Hi-its been a few months since I posted here. First I want to thank all of you for your kind support, I don't think I have acknolwdged that as much as I could and should have.

It has been 5 months since my spouses death-feels like much longer because of the deep level of grief. People have asked me if its any easier, that is a hard question to answer. Is it easier than last December? Yes. But it's ony been 5 months. Nights are the most difficult, the lonliness creeps up like a hiding tiger.

I read a description of what it's like to lose a soul mate and from everything I have read and heard, it struck home the most-

"Losing my spouse (wife) has been like a samuri sword striking me with full force and cutting off my arm and legs and trying to get along with only one of each extremity. I don't know who I am somedays, my purpose in life, my identity, has been cut in half by that sword. How am I supposed to go on with one leg, with one arm, with half a brain? How am I supposed to do all of this?”

Slowly its coming back-but dang-it really hurts! 

I attend a grief support group which I find very supportive and beneficial, even though I had to force myself to go the first night. There are 10 participants in the group, 9 are women who lost their husbands, and there is one man, guess who? But we all hurt the same (in my opinion) we all feel that grinding pain that can debilitate us, and we all loved our spouses. 

Thanks for letting me share

JerzyGrrl's picture
JerzyGrrl
Posts: 757
Joined: Jun 2016

David, it's good to hear from you and find out how you're doing. 

The grief groups I've been in have been more women than men (if any). Not only do women tend to live longer than men, we also tend to be more willing to go to grief groups.  But you're right -- grief is grief.  It's interesting that you've all lost spouses. Is that the specific focus of the group, or did it just work out that way? 

I think the first year is the hardest (which is not to say the second year is easy). 

Sharing is what these forums are all about. Thanks for the times you've listened, too. All the best --

Ladylacy
Posts: 769
Joined: Apr 2012

We all experience grief and how we deal with it differently.  I lost my spouse in July 2015 and I still grieve for him on a daily basis.  We were one month short of our 53rd anniversary and the only man I had been with and had never lived alone.  I am younger than he was and we have 4 grown sons who don't live nearby plus many grown grandchildren who are too busy living their own lives to think of Grandma.  I have not been to any support group because there are none near me.  I have said I was going to do this and that and then don't.  There are good days and bad days and when I look at his picture I get mad at him and said why did you have to smoke and drink and that you promised to give it up but then didn't and look what happened -- CANCER.  I always say that I will go to the Seniors Center and then I don't, just like I say I will volunteer at our local hospital and then don't.  I have friends that want to do this and that and I don't.  I say I will when I'm ready.

Like I said we all deal with grief and the lost of our loved one in different ways.   It has only been a few months for you -- don't rush it let it happen when you are ready and not when people say you should be doing this or that by now.  It all depends on you and no one else.

Wishing you peace and comfort.

GingerMay's picture
GingerMay
Posts: 130
Joined: Sep 2016

N

here4lfe
Posts: 306
Joined: Jan 2010

That really helped me. Mine was sponsored by the Hospice and met monthly.

Best

JosephK
Posts: 65
Joined: Jun 2017

I begin an all men's group on June 22nd. I've been to group and to one on one. My partner passed on May 12th. I've cried everyday since May 6th (Day before she went into ICU). My heart is broken and I miss her and love her so much. My pain has yet to subside in any way.

david54
Posts: 167
Joined: Apr 2009

I'm really sorry Joseph-I understand the tears, they can come at any moments notice -I call it a "Grief trigger." The pain of loss is indescribeable (sp).

I am a believer in support groups, it helped me to realize I was/am not the only one suffering,

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