Support

I know most on this board have a diagnosis, however, I don't have that. I just need someone to talk to while waiting in limbo.

My cousin and life long best friend passed away a couple of months ago. He was currently in remission from Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. About a year before, he nearly died due to a lung infection from his weakened immune system. His heart actually stopped beating. His body was so weak, but he grew stronger from there. After a year, he looked healthier than he ever did. He looked happy. He always smiled. His laugh is still recorded in a voice message on my phone. .. I could continue, but I digress.. Joseph killed himself last October after a long battle with Lymphoma, depression, and many addictions.

He was my person, and would absolutely be the person for me to run to during this time especially.

Why I'm here --

I have always had difficulty staying healthy. As a child, I had a really bad case of Mono. From there, extreme allergies and infections were a part of my life. I was constantly going to the doctor. Always on antibiotics. I even had sinus surgery to get rid of necrotic tissue at 19 years old. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (Autoimmune Disease against the thyroid). Swollen lymph nodes and persistant low grade fevers feel like life.

Now -- I have had extremely swollen glands in my neck for nearly 2 months now. Extreme fatigue. My husband has to drag me out of bed every day. I typically take naps as soon as I get home. Low grade fevers on and off. I went to the doctor 3 weeks ago, had blood tests, was given antibiotics and steroids. Nothing. It actually got worse last weekend. Went back to the doctor yesterday and had more bloodwork to confirm I didn't have Mono before progressing to CT scan. During this whole time, and a bit before, I've had extreme night sweats. I mean, "did someone drop a bucket of water on me?" type night sweats. Add on heart palpitations, chest pain, swollen spleen (doctor confirmed both times at the clinic).. I got my tests results back today and no Mono (positive for past infection, not current).

So here I am.. waiting out the weekend for my CT scan. Wishing I could talk to the one person in my life that has actually BEEN there. I wish I could talk to him more and more every day.. It feels like my whole family is tip-toeing around me. Everyone remembering my cousin, what he went through, putting that picture on me. Can't imagine lightning striking the same place more than once.. but does it happen?

Would appreciate good vibes from people. Not looking for a diagnosis, I'm attending my doctor for that. Just support from one person who loves someone with cancer to another.