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Thank you!

Mmpeterson
Posts: 124
Joined: Sep 2016

Thank you for all the inspirational responses I have received from my previous post.  The first thing that comes to my mind is how will I survive this.  My daughter graduates college in May and my son next fall so I really need to be there plus I am getting re-married this December.  Not knowing what stage this is or if it has spread really puts me in a panic.  That is the biggest fear I have is if it has spread and what can my dr do if it has.  A lot of "what ifs" seem to run through my mind and it is very difficult to get rid of those thoughts.  I pray my heart out everyday that God will take this heavy burden and heal this nasty disease.  My fiance and I leave for Dallas tomorrow and surgery is this Friday the 7th.  I keep thinking my dr will tell my fiance that after surgery the cancer has spread to other parts.  I have lost over 100 lbs 3 years ago so I am a very determined person but this diagnosis has really hit me hard as I am sure that every single person on this board it has hit to your inner core when you were told.  I read all of the life stories here and that helps to know that even though many have advanced stages that the HOPE is alive and everyone continues to live.  I thank God for all the ladies on here because I feel so lost a lot of the time and need to see that this isn't a death sentence.  God bless everyone one dealing with this and thank you from the bottom of my heart that you are all here.  Maryanne

Soup52's picture
Soup52
Posts: 906
Joined: Jan 2016

You have so many great events and life to live for! Today marks my daughter's 1 year anniversary of her Disney wedding. Yes, I made it there. I had been diagnosed in August but didn't have my surgery until a week after the wedding.  While I enjoyed the wedding, I'm not sure how I made it through. I felt so much better after the surgery and I'm hoping the same will be for you! Best wishes and keep us posted on your journey!

Mmpeterson
Posts: 124
Joined: Sep 2016

Thank you soup52 for the best wishes.  Maryanne

janaes
Posts: 800
Joined: May 2016

Maryann, sounds like you have a lot of wonderful things to do.  You are right about these feelings being normal.  I definetly felt the fears of loosing the wonderful things that were going on in my life and had the what ifs.  There is still some what ifs left to deal with for me  Praying has helped me so so much in all of this for me.  and as i look back I can see that God has been with me through all the what ifs.  I had some really importants stuff  at the beginning of my journey involving my son and felt very scared that i wouldnt be able to be involed in  it because of cancer.  Well it worked out for me. I had to pull a few strings and change a few things but I went with him while i was on chemo and found a way.  I found out i could do some hard things.  Some things i did have to give up but it seemed like the most important were provided for me.  Remember to ask for help.  As hard as it was for me, asking for help has been the thing that has helped me do the things i needed and even wanted to do.

I will be praying for you as you have some wonderful things ahead of you.

Janae

Mmpeterson
Posts: 124
Joined: Sep 2016

Thank you Janae.  I ask for all the prayers I can get and I pray for all of us going through this horrible ordeal.  I am determined to make it to everything and I am trying hard to realize that my life has changed and the old normal is gone.  So time to start a new normal that still includes things I have always done and new things.  Maryanne

 

Red Corvette
Posts: 114
Joined: Jan 2016

Hang in there Maryanne.

Everything you are feeling is completely normal but still upsetting. We

all went through the same thing. Just keep breathing and take it one day at a time.

We are walking right along with you.

Red

 

 

Mmpeterson
Posts: 124
Joined: Sep 2016

Thank you Red!  It means so much to me that I have so many great people to talk with and to say hey I'm feeling rather down and feel like I fall apart sometimes.  Maryanne

Kvdyson's picture
Kvdyson
Posts: 789
Joined: Jan 2016

Just take it a day at a time. You cannot control much of what is happening (or is going to happen) to your body but you can try to control how you react to it. Try not to panic. Breathe deeply and live in the moment. Pack your bags for your trip tomorrow and enjoy any time that you can spend with your fiance tonight. You are going to do fine.

Mmpeterson
Posts: 124
Joined: Sep 2016

I am going to pack and get ready this afternoon.  The highlight is that I get to spend time with my fiance and he will be with me in my room so I will never be alone. I am going to believe that this will go fine and then I can move on to the next thing.  Thank you for the advice!!  Maryanne

brissance's picture
brissance
Posts: 192
Joined: May 2016

I found that cancer made me stop and wonder, would the sun come up tomorrow?  Is my life over?  But you know what, those questions we all should face everyday and live to the fullest.  Although I am not going to say we are lucky to have a wake up call, it certainly has added a dimension and intensity to my life that was not so well defined.  I am fine and chances are I will be here long enough to drive my kids crazy..  but cancer looms.  

You, Maryanne, are doing the perfect thing, and you should be so proud.  You are going for the gusto.  Your children have a stong mother who will show them life is there to live as you live yours so fully.  Your new love, omg, what a wonderful opportunity for love and laughter.  

Of course the dark shadows will pass in your mind but you have so much sunshine and happiness to just vanish the dark.  The surgery is scary and the findings are even more so but keep in mind, it is NOT a death sentence.  Only God knows our destiny and all the docs can do is give a guess as to what may happen.  You will have a great report and even if there is disease you can still beat it.  Just look at all the ladies here who have taken a pretty ugly report and fought through and beat the odds.  I am praying you get a great great prognosis.  But realize, you are still in good shape no matter the prognosis. Your kids graduating and a new husband.  Life is wonderful and I wish you the best.

Mmpeterson
Posts: 124
Joined: Sep 2016

You are so very right!!  Its like I have this new life I am starting and this disease only will make my faith stronger because my faith has suffered since my Mom passed away a very long time ago unexpectantly.  Many have told me this is a test from God and it's a BIG one but I am determined to get an A+ and also be so much closer to him in every way possible.  It's kind of like a warning from God to have a better life and appreciate him along with the little things he blesses us with everyday like the sunshine (clear blue skies and abundance of sunshine her in TX).  I also want to start a support group here in Odessa, TX to give back what so many have given me these past few days.  Thank you, I greatly appreciate the prayers and I look forward to an amazing prognosis.  I also look forward to God's blessings everyday like all the ladies here that have beaten the worst of odds that I couldn't even imagine.  Maryanne

rcdeman
Posts: 263
Joined: Aug 2016

What a beautiful outlook, Maryanne. We can only live each day God gives us to the fullest extent for His glory. Through thick or thin, may God be blessed. :)

Praying for you!
Rebecca

Mmpeterson
Posts: 124
Joined: Sep 2016

Rebecca, thank you for the prayers!  I do try to take each day as it comes and not worry about what's coming because none of us know.  It gets difficult towards the evening because my anxiety starts to take over.  Keeping it away as best I can right now.  When I feel it coming I talk to God.  Maryanne

Lou Ann M's picture
Lou Ann M
Posts: 996
Joined: Feb 2015

I did and still do.  Every time I get stressed I talk to God and it calms me down.

Lou ann

Lou Ann M's picture
Lou Ann M
Posts: 996
Joined: Feb 2015

I did and still do.  Every time I get stressed I talk to God and it calms me down.  A good friend who also had cancer said she believed that more prayers were said in a hospital than in a church.

Lou Ann

Mmpeterson
Posts: 124
Joined: Sep 2016

Hey Lou Ann, interesting you should say more prayers in the hospital were said because my fiance is going to the chapel at the hospital to pray.  We bought a "Clinging Cross" at our christian bookstore here and the lady who showed it to us is a minister and she was a blessing from God.  So Johnny (my fiance) will hold onto it during my surgery and when I get out of recovery he will give it to back me.  I think about God and all the bad thoughts just go away, now that's AMAZING power in our Lord!!!  Maryanne

MAbound
Posts: 1153
Joined: Jun 2016

Long ago I lost my middle child and grandmother on the same day. Then my mother had early onset Alzheimer's that took her within 3 years. I was only 32. It's tempting to think that God is testing or punishing us when we hit the low points in our lives, but have confidence that he loves us too much to do that. I've come to the conclusion from those hard lessons that God lets bad things happen to good people to help us discover how much stronger we are than we ever believed we could be and to give us a better understanding of the suffering of others that we may become more compassionate. Loss and struggle can be a blessing. You are at a point in your life where there is just one set of footprints in the sand. God is not testing or warning you, he has you in his arms and will get you through this.

Lou Ann M's picture
Lou Ann M
Posts: 996
Joined: Feb 2015

So well said,  I agree with every word.

Lou Ann

Mmpeterson
Posts: 124
Joined: Sep 2016

I think you are right mabound.  After I found out about the cancer I thought that since we don't have many support groups here in my town that I would love to start one.  There is one for breast cancer but not gynecological cancers.  There has to be many ladies here that have this kind of cancer but maybe don't have the support that I am so very lucky to have.  For some reason I have this determination to find out how to start one after my recovery so that I may help others dealing with this new way of life.  Also I just bought a mug with Footprints In The Sand prayer on it which I am taking to Dallas with me.  Everytime I say that prayer I cry but also feel a sense of warmth and contentment.  I too thought God is testing or punishing me but I know he has me wrapped up in his arms and he will take care of me.  Maryanne

Editgrl's picture
Editgrl
Posts: 903
Joined: Jun 2015

I found this board shortly after being diagnosed, when I was still in shock and freaking out.  One of the women here said "You are not going to die today."  I say that to myself every morning when I wake up, to remind myself to make the best of each day, enjoy what it has to offer, and to take everything just one day at a time.  That helps takes away some of the power of those nasty "what ifs."

Tomorrow begins your healing journey.  Just remember, we are all travelling with you.

Chris

Mmpeterson
Posts: 124
Joined: Sep 2016

Hi Chris, I will definately remember that "you are not going to die today".  As we are leaving tomorrow I can tell the dark thoughts are trying to get in but I take deep breaths and hopefully will be able to sleep because I know that is crucial for the surgery on Friday.  I will keep all of you in my heart as I start this journey.  Maryanne

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