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I'm afraid & tired !

bobbitony29's picture
bobbitony29
Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2016

For 15 years I've cared for my mom & dad ( dad had emphyseima and has passed & mom is stage 4 non hodgkins ) my siblings lived their lives and left all care to me. recently, I have moved from my parents house after my dad passed ( I am single, never married, no children & 55 yrs. old ) however, my sister who is now retired, seems to feel like I am wrong for wanting a life of my own now, and to be truthful, I feel like I've abandoned my mom in her time of need ! I've devoted a lot of my life to my parents, and yes I feel like I deserve to find a life of my own and my siblings shold take up where I left off. My question is how do I live my life without appearing to neglect my mom ?

Max Former Hodg...
Posts: 3689
Joined: May 2012

Bobbitony,

Fundamentally, your issue is not lymphoma-related: It is emotional and personal.  The factors would be identical if your mom's sickness were Alzheimer's, or heart disease, or anything.  These parental care issues need to be hashed out before the kids are hitting 60 -- by the parents.  Power of Attorney, Living Wills, etc., all need to be in place before crisis mode is reached.

Legally and ethically, you are a free person, and able to do what you choose.  It seems you have evolved into a convenience, a tool, being used by your sister, if one can extrapolate that from a few sentences.  As long as you feel trapped, nothing will change.  Depending on finances, an assited living option for your mother might be an option. But it does not seem there are any easy solutions. 

Bless yourself for what you have already done and be proud,

max

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po18guy's picture
po18guy
Posts: 1212
Joined: Nov 2011

First: Bless your heart! It is overflowing with love to have done all of that! Now, as to the recent matter, family can be so unfair at times like this. I think a meeting of the minds is in order here, just so that everyone's thoughts can be placed on the table. However, a neutral referee should be involved - one whom everyone knows and trusts, just to keep things on an even keel. Write your thoughts down so that you can express all of them. Your siblings will not like this, as they have probably skated a lot while you did their job. Can you arrange for medical home visits for mom, or just regularly scheduled time off? You are a beautiful person, but you do not wear a superhero cape or fly, right? Being human, you have to have some time off to de-stress, look at sunsets, ponder, and all the rest.

Anonymous user (not verified)

you are obviously a wonderful caring person. Like a friend of my wife's. Great person but so sad. Her father died 30 years ago. She gave up her own life to support her ill mother. The Mom died. She got the farm but she is like a lost child. Totally dysfunctional on her own. Now 64 and other than a few "friends" (I use the term lightly) on Facebook, is totally alone in this world. Make your own life and that will be best for you and your mother. The world just doesn't stop turning when someone gets lymphoma or even when they die from it. We get one shot at life. Make the most of it. Your Mom will be proud. Bless your kind loving heart.

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