Thinking about leaving

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tasha_111
tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
in Emotional Support #1

Short summary, married 4 years to a lovely man who lost his first wife to lung cancer very suddenly.  It devastated him and his 4 lovely girls (all over 21) and I adore them all.  However, my onco gave me months to live and I am trying to decide what to do for the best,   I am from England and have lived in Canada for the past 9 years.   All of my friends and family are in England and this prognosis has made me very homesick.  Mum and Dad would love me to go home as would my wonderful son (22) I have spoken to my husband about this and he says he doesn't know what to tell me for the best, I just don't think I could put this great family through such an ordeal.  What will be the least painful?  Staying here or going?  Any feedback welcome.  Tash

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  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #2
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    Go home to visit

    Visit, Tash, but remember your husband and daughters are five years older and wiser than with the first loss.

    You may have months left but breathe, Tash. You have been through losses yourself and you know people do heal and go on with their lives. It is gracious of you to consider sparing them the proximity of losing you but you can't spare them the sadness.  You may also cost them the blessing of caring for you.

    Praying God's grace covers you all.

     

  • david54
    david54 Member Posts: 164 Member
    #3
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    Agree with Noellesmom

    Hello Tasha-Firstly I am so sorry for your illness, cancer is a beast and I hate it

    I realize you are homesick and want to be with family-but leaving your husband would make things even harder for him and I suspect, when you got to England you would long for him too.

    I am in your husbands postion in that I too lost my first wife to cancer then remarried a wonderful woman. Experiencing this again was totally unexpected, but I  am familiar with her needs. She has mentioned giving me a break and going to live with her sister to give me some slack. But I recognize every signal, every gesture that indicates she is in pain. I can almost anticipate her needs, I know her med routine,  what she likes to eat and how she likes her food cooked. We are a team in this hell hole (Pardon the swear word) called cancer.

    But it is an honor to care for her, I love her! I would marry her again in a heartbeat even if I could have seen the future. Losing her before her cancer takes her would be almost unbearable.

    If you will allow me to be so bold, skype your family in England, but stay with your hubbie.

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