It's been a rough year. A bit of history, Last August husband was diagnosed

4katnap Member Posts: 1

With stage 4 lung cancer. One main tumour with hundreds of rice grains sized tumours in both lungs. And some indication of enlarged lymph nodes below the diaphragm.  His mother had been diagnosed 2 years before stage 4 lung cancer. She died in January. Father in law was diagnosed stage 4 lung cancer with brain Mets in April.  Father-in-law is on hospice care and staying with us for 2 weeks while my sister in law is out of town. My husband just started in a new clinical trial. He has gone from being able to ride 1200k bike rides last July to we need to talk about getting a handicapped parking card.  My father died 3 weeks ago, not cancer related. I'm hanging on but just barely.

Now where my immediate need for help is.


He arrived from the US 1 week ago (we live in ireland) he Wil be staying with us 2.5 more weeks while my sister in law does necessary things out of town.  He arrived with 11 different prescriptions. Sister in law only gives him some of the prescribed stuff.  He doesn't want to take a anything he doesn't have to. And much of it is on an as  needed basis. So she basically told me to give him what I think he needs. 

I'm giving him the anti convulsant,the cough medicine, the morphine as needed (when he starts to cough and says he's cold and his whole body shakes as he couhgs the morphine seems to help) and the antidepressant. He's gone from zombie to being able to talk to me some and some times tracking conversations and adding a bit occasionally.

He also has àntianxiety medication. How do I know if he needs it? He doesn't talk much. This is an as needed medication. I don't want to over medicate him but I do want to make sure he is as comfortable as possible. I just don't know how to tell if he needs it as he won't/cant talk much and won't ask for medication, food or water.

Food and water are other struggles. How much is enough? I managed to get him to eat 3 times yesterday. Small amounts say 1/2 a cup to 1 cup of food and keep going to him and offering water, juice and ensure plus. Sometimes he drinks a bit sometimes not. Yesterday's 3 meals was a record for the week. Normally we could only get him to eat a little 2 times a day. I'm hoping that 3 meals yesterday is a trend. 

As for my Husband

He's tired doesn't sleep well, his couhgs is he'll,  his mood is... variable but rarely good. He eats OK.  Could drink more but not too bad. I am concerned about how seeing his dad like this is effecting him mentally.  When he feels bad his mood and general mental health decline. But I see the opposite as well. He doesn't handle the physical well when his mad is down. He says he is handling it well but worries about our 17 year old daughter and me. How do I get him to realize that he could use some help too?  His father will listen to me. Him, not so much.  

We live in Ireland on a small very rural farm that I can't handle alone, so we are trying to sell. My daughter goes to college in September.  All of our family is in the US. We can't move back to the US. All our medical is paid here. All the deep breathing in the world won't make this better but any suggestions on any of the above would be awesome.