Uncaring Oncologist

My husband was diagnosed with small intestine cancer in February 2015. The first oncologist we went to was a major teaching hospital on the west coast, one of the top cancer centers in the USA, and the oncologist we were to meet with one of the top in the field (according to his bio on the institution's web site).  He kept us waiting over two hours in the late afternoon (we live 3 hours from the center, and had not made arrangements to stay overnight).  When he finally came into the exam room, he was brusque and impatient with our questions, told us he couldn't cure my husband but could try to control it, then rushed out.  We were appalled at the long wait and the attitude, so decided to go elsewhere for treatment.  Long story short, we have now ended up back with this oncologist because my husband had to go to this hospital for a hip replacement, as the cancer had moved to his hip.  The orthopedic oncologist (who we were really impressed by) encouraged us to move all our cancer care back to this hospital, so we decided to give this doctor another chance.

Bad idea, and now it is too late to do anything about it.  As I write this, my husband is in the bedroom next door, recovering from being in the hospital for two weeks for a bowel obstruction and a pulmonary embolism--he came home Monday.  The whole two weeks he was there, we never saw the oncologist.  The residents were leaving him messages and he never returned them.  He actually stopped by the room once because he had a seminar in the building that day, and had the nerve to tell us that his fellows had been visiting my husband every day, which was not true because I was there as well.  I asked what was next, if my husband could resume chemo, and the doctor said he wasn't sure and he would have his assistant make us an appointment to see him.  When I heard from the doctor's office, the appointment was scheduled for two days after his discharge from the hospital.  My husband was so exhausted from the hospital, that he refused to get up for that appointment.  I don't blame him--a 6 hour roundtrip car drive is the last thing he needed after what he has been through!  I called the doctor's office, and they said they would talk to the doctor about rescheduling.  Today is late Saturday, and I haven't heard a word.

Ever since we returned to this doctor, we knew it was a mistake, but events are spiraling out of control.  Two weeks after the hip replacement, he has the obstruction.  He's about to be discharged to go home, when he gets a massive pulmonary embolism.  The hospital oncology team never talked to us, no appointments with the doctor are in the future, just a chemo appointment that I don't think my husband will be able to handle. Two days after he got home, he began having symptoms of obstruction again, only without the pain.  He wants the chemo so badly, that he will not let me call the hospital (no point in calling the doctor) to find out what to do.  Today he has become incontinent, can barely eat or drink, and is not thinking clearly at all.  I told him I would take him to the local community hospital tomorrow if there was no improvement.  I think my husband only has a short time left, and the oncologist has abandoned him.

Has anyone ever had such troubles with an oncologist?  I am really shocked, because cancer hospitals always brag about how wonderul their support is.  At this point it is not about medical miracles, just care and support.