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It will be two years on Sunday...

OO7's picture
OO7
Posts: 282
Joined: Sep 2014

On the 24th of this month 2014,  I heard those numbing three words, "you have cancer".  Three weeks after that my older brother called me crying and in a barely audible voice, he cried "dad has cancer".  We both have/had lymphoma.  Seventeen months later my father passed.  In a few days it will be two years that I kept this horrible secret from my family.  I never told them I have cancer.

 Regrettably very soon I will be saying good by to my grandmother, bladder cancer.

On Friday I have a four month check up.  My counts have alway been low neutropenic etc... for much of the time.  I have been exhausted and only occasionally had massive night sweats.  Sadly on vacation two weeks ago I had one, I could have rung out the mattress.  What bothers me the most is recently I feel activity, buzzing feeling in my jaw where one of the lymph nodes was removed for a biopsy. Other than the feeling it's unremarkable.  I felt this when my lymph node was growing two years ago.

I know I have to go for my check up but  just don't want too....

I have never been nervous other than having my scans, maybe it's nothing and nonsense in my paranoid little head...

 

lindary's picture
lindary
Posts: 711
Joined: Mar 2015

I am sorry to hear about your grandmother. 

It is ok to be paranoid. With all of those "little" problems showing up I don't blame you for being nervous. I know you will go for your check up. They will most likely want to run some tests/scans. Hopefully it's just an infection. If not, well I'll hope that they caught what ever it is early. 

OO7's picture
OO7
Posts: 282
Joined: Sep 2014

as you may remember my onc hematologist is my dear friend (probably not a great idea but works for now).  I talked to him about what's going on, he said to scan and I said no.  I feel I know the result and would most likely I would do watch and wait until I'm more sysmtomatic.  He did agree but he may muscle up in the appointment tomorrow.  I don't think so but will soon find out.

I did have a bad infection but uncertain why my bad node is buzzing like a bee?  Occasional night sweats???  I've only had a few like that. 

Perhaps it's all in my head.

More importantly I'm so glad your counts went UP!!!!  Little victories lead to big victories!

lindary's picture
lindary
Posts: 711
Joined: Mar 2015

Hoping you have a victory tomorrow. 

Rocquie's picture
Rocquie
Posts: 857
Joined: Mar 2013

007, I am thinking of you today. I hope your appointment gives excellent results and you can put this out of your mind for a while. . .

Hugs,

Rocquie

 

OO7's picture
OO7
Posts: 282
Joined: Sep 2014

As waited and waited to enter the examination room, I realized my biggest and only fear I have right now is "being found out".  Weird even to me.  Late last night I departed from my old bedroom, glanced back one more time to say good by in a pleasant, loving way to my grandmother (not wanting to scare her) and drove home.  I cried and prayed, more like begged the Lord to allow me keep my secret.  I have to protect my mom.  I just need time, this has only been seven months since we lost my dad, her husband and now my grandmother is so close.  I could see death trying to creep into my old room, it took all that I had to leave and drive home.

If I didn't have the appointment I could have stayed...

My ONC said I'm doing amazingly well and thinks I'm fine but ordered a MRI of my neck and jaw, I recently had a MRI of my brain so I'll grab that for comparison, ordered a mammogram and sonogram of left breast for next week.  I'm still leukopenic and neutropenic so a few blood tests as well.

Call me crazy but I'm running with my ONC words "amazingly well" until I know differently.  If I were a car, I would be running on empty.

I'm so tired, my jaw is buzzing meaning I can feel activity but I'm not thinking about it until I have too.  What more can I do?

Thank you,

lindary's picture
lindary
Posts: 711
Joined: Mar 2015

What a great phrase to hear. I with you about keeping that one in mind until you hear differently. 

Keeping you in my prayers. 

OO7's picture
OO7
Posts: 282
Joined: Sep 2014

You too are in my prayers, have a great weekend!

OO7's picture
OO7
Posts: 282
Joined: Sep 2014

First test back an I'm low in Igm?

Any ideas?

 

 

yesyes2
Posts: 592
Joined: Jul 2009

I do know that Ritunan lowers IGG, so maybe it has the ability to also lower IGM.  

 

OO7's picture
OO7
Posts: 282
Joined: Sep 2014

Onc said it was the lymphoma.  At first he said treat with a blood product (because it's low), now won't consider it.  I know it makes me more susceptible to infection but wonder if it makes it harder to fight the infection.  

How can this be?  I thought/hoped remission meant no complications until the beast shows its ugly face again....

 

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