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Chemo brain at its finest!

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1434
Joined: Oct 2015

For the past 28 years I have done the books for our small business. We have about 12 employees and about a million in sales.  I could do them in my sleep!  But, it has been such a struggle these past few months.  Last week I sent all the info for our personal taxes, our son's taxes and our LLP to our tax accountant.  I left the worst for last - our C-corp's taxes.  Today I started verifying all the numbers on our balance sheet and our income statement.  OMG, I worked for hours trying to figure out what I had screwed up.  

I finally gave up, left everything sitting in piles all over my desk and came home.  A couple of times I was near tears.  Prior to us buying the business I was a Workers Compensation underwriter for ten years - numbers have been my life!  Now I'm a muddled puddle Cry of stupidity.  Luckily, our business doesn't change much from year-to-year and I've talked to our tax accountant about my "foggy mind" so he should compare last year's return to this one and if he sees something odd, he should call me.  Thank heavens he's a personal friend and understands my brain fog.  

Cancer gets you coming, going and the trip in between!  I'm going to get a good night's sleep and be ready to tackle it again tomorrow.  I'm taking off on Friday to go with our son's fiancee and her mother to look at wedding halls.  She is the sweetest girl and so is her mother and I'm really looking forward to having some fun and lunch with them.

Love,

Eldri

giggs100's picture
giggs100
Posts: 91
Joined: Oct 2015

Eldri I know what you mean about chemo brain.   I will be talking and then come to a name of something in my sentence and my mind goes completely blank.   I know some of it is due to age but it has gotten so much worse since chemo is part of my life.   At first it drove me nuts when I couldn't come up with it.   And finally after a while I just gave up and thought sooner or later it would come to mind and sometimes it did and sometimes not.  At this point I thought what the heck if not old age memory I would blame it on chemo brain.  But there are other things that come up to that is due to chemo brain.   Oh well hopefully it will all go away once off of chemo for awhile. 

I am glad you have something to look forward too and replace the worries of chemo brain.

Jerri 

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1434
Joined: Oct 2015

I do the same thing, Jerri!!  It's like my mind just goes blank.  When I have to do something hard like these taxes, it helps to have something fun for a reward.  Do you think it will get better?

Love,

Eldri

Donswife48
Posts: 326
Joined: Nov 2015

One of the first things he will look for is anything that was there last year that isn't, or anything that's low or high that shouldn't be.  You only need to worry about anything new you might have added to your business, ie depreciable assets.  Turn it over to him and after he finishes, give it a check to make sure he got it all.  And if all else fails, you can always amend!  Hugs Nancy

ncg007
Posts: 134
Joined: Nov 2015

frustrating isn't it?!  Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away and return to it with fresh eyes and brain.  This happens to me daily and I will be midsentence or just trying to think of a name of an object of something I obviously know.  The other day I was watching the critters that are always scurrying around my porch and I was so mad and frustrated because I was struggling for hours trying to think of what they were called. But then I did my detective work and googled what I did know, Chip n Dale, and got my answer, Chipmunks LOL!  When I was discussing with my doctor on whether I would continue to work or not during treatment, I'm glad we came to the decision not to.  I have a demanding IT job, making critical decisions daily and often speaking to large groups and executives; I'm sure I've saved myself from many embarrassing moments.  To keep my brain from going to total mush, I've been playing brain games.  I applaud you and the other woman that have continued to work during treatment.  Putting aside the chemo brain, I don't know how I would have physically been able to do so.  I've been off work for 6 months and planning to return to work 8 weeks after my last chemo, which hopefully happens on the 22nd.  Enjoy your day off Friday!

Nancy

Lou Ann M's picture
Lou Ann M
Posts: 996
Joined: Feb 2015

you are so much fun to deal with.  I also forget names so easily, forget what I was talking about in the middle of a sentence.  The think that worries me the most right now is that I forget to turn off the stove when I am cooking.  Luckily my husband follows me around and checks.  Even with a grociery list I can't make it home with out forgetting something. The only advantage that I can see is that is is easier to let chemo brain take the blame instead of old age. Lou Ann

ConnieSW
Posts: 1504
Joined: Jun 2012

do you think you could make a habit of turning on a timer whenever you turn on the stove?  Then if you wander off, it will remind you or anyone else within hearing. I use my timer as a reminder for all kinds of things.  Also, I think we are too hard on ourselves re memory.  I know lots of young people who forget words and lose their trains of thought midsentence.  We live in an age of information overload and short circuits happen.

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1434
Joined: Oct 2015

LOL, Connie - it always makes me feel better when our 23 year old son forgets something too.  I've been doing things twice - like paying a bill twice or recording an automatic payment twice.  Things I never did before because I would have remembered doing them the first time.  Then, when confronted with the "evidence" I had screwed up, I couldn't for the life of me, remember doing it the first time.  

I'm taking things slower and more deliberate.  I talk to myself more and really LISTEN to what I'm saying, like, "Eldri, you're putting your car keys in your coat pocket, not your purse" kind of stuff.

I find I cry a lot more too and maybe that's part of my decreased mental capacity.  I cry when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm frustrated, etc.  I'm balling my bazoo off all the time and I was not a crying person before chemo.  I think I even cry in my sleep because when I wake up sometimes my eyes are stuck shut!

Love,

Eldri

ConnieSW
Posts: 1504
Joined: Jun 2012

you have been through hell and just got back.  Cut yourself lots of slack.  You really need this get away to Florida. Go and live in the minute

ConnieSW
Posts: 1504
Joined: Jun 2012

You get the last laugh.  When the timer went off tonight, I took dinner out of the oven and FORGOT TO TURN IT OFF.  Luckily it makes little clicky noises and that alerted me.

Lou Ann M's picture
Lou Ann M
Posts: 996
Joined: Feb 2015

Thanks for the suggestion.  I think I am going to start trying that.  Lou Ann

pinky104
Posts: 574
Joined: Feb 2013

It doesn't get any better.  It just gets worse.  My problems started when I was in my 30's and I developed a hyperactive thyroid and a goiter (Grave's disease).  I  took radioactive iodine for that and ended up hypothyroid.  I had a lot of trouble concentrating.  I also worked with numbers at the time so concentrating was important.  When I had my chemo, chemo brain only added to my fogginess.  Now that I'm 67, I'm often using wrong words, then realizing it and correcting myself immediately.  My husband's mother and grandmother had Alzheimer's and he worries about getting that, but at times, I wonder if I'm beating him to it.  He has lapses in his memory for names frequently.  We're quite a pair. I've found there's no sense worrying about it.  If it gets really bad, we just won't realize there's a problem! 

cindy0519
Posts: 173
Joined: Nov 2015

Yep, chemo brain is real and active here too! I work full time as a Sales and Use Tax Manager for a Big Four Firm.  There are days where I too just leave it all sitting and walk away for while Eldri.  Nothing wrong with that at all! 

Cancer does get you coming and going so some days walking away and taking a break is the best way to take back some control.  

Hope you having a good break today looking at wedding halls and sharing the day with your soon to be daugther in law and her mother.

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