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The uncertaintity of life

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1436
Joined: Oct 2015

Our daughter called me a little while ago and told me a friend of our oldest granddaughter died at school this morning.  She was 16 years old and our granddaughter had been friends with her since kindergarten.  She went to the nurse's office and told her she wasn't feeling good.  All of a sudden, she went into cardiac arrest and they couldn't revive her.  http://www.wausaudailyherald.com/story/news/2016/02/08/wausau-east-student-dies-cardiac-arrest/80014066/

Our daughter is good friends with her mother and is just sick over this.  The high school principal named in this story is the son of a good friend of mine.  I am sure he is very upset over this too.

I thought about how we worry that this cancer is a death sentence for us but no one in this life is going to get out alive.  I guess when it's our time; it's our time. 

I will do everything within reason to live but it will be MY reason.  I agree with Moli that quality is much more important than quantity. 

Love,

Eldri

Lou Ann M's picture
Lou Ann M
Posts: 996
Joined: Feb 2015

I am so sorry to hear this.  It show us that we have no control over our time here on earth.  That is up to God, and He will call us home when He is ready for us.  Hugs and prayers, Lou Ann

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

My heart  feels pierced and bleeding for the parent/ parents, they will now cry forever in many kinds of ways. I am hoping that someday soon mental peace will come to them. In my mind's eyes I can visualize the turmoil, I know it well., but if Jesus Christ is who they say he is ,I hope he has already found them with comforting arms,even if invisible, I really do.

Your grand-daughter will need many hugs when she least expect it. Bombard her with hugs and reassurances so fear will not tarry in her young head.

Moli , sending hugs for you to give out.

Abbycat2's picture
Abbycat2
Posts: 644
Joined: Feb 2014

about a young person dying inexplicably and tragically. Life and death baffles me.

When I was 7-years-old, my family moved into a brand new raised ranch home in New Jersey nestled into the side of a hill. Two acres of wooded property with a stream extending the entire length of the backyard. Priceless!  Soon afterwards, I remember almost as clearly as I remember this morning, my thoughts while walking around the neighborhood for the first time.  I felt grown up- wise even!  I promised myself that when I was old- sometime after the year 2000, I would return to Middletown, NJ, and walk around the same neighborhood and experience it through adult eyes. I remember thinking that "perhaps" as an adult I would come to understand the meaning of human life. I recall how excited I felt thinking that I would some day understand.

Well, darn, here I am 63-years-old- well past the year 2000- and I am not any closer to understanding the meaning of human life.  How I envy people with deep faith!  I just cannot force myself to believe what so many people are convinced is true. Yes, I envy you, especially now when I think my days are numbered. How much easier life would be if only I had a deep faith!

I have put my faith in science, instead, and that is not likely-in the year 2016- to save my life in the long run. I want to live- as we all want to continue on, but I am anything but stupid and suspect that cancer will likely "get me" in the end.

It is what it is. Moli, I have come to understand your viewpoint more and more as time- like sand in an hour glass- slips by. And Eldri I commend you- it should really come down to YOUR reason to live.

 

Thank you all for your support and love. You have kept me going more than you will ever know.

With Love,

Cathy 

 

 

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1436
Joined: Oct 2015

I know exactly what you mean, Cathy.  I have put my faith in reason ever since fifth grade when I started doing "faith" experiments.  One week before the spelling bee, I prayed to god to win and I lost; the next week, I prayed to my plastic squirrel pencil sharpener to win and I won.  After several weeks of this, I came to the conclusion winning or losing had nothing to do with prayer or my beliefs - it was just random with a lot depending on how much I studied and how much Jane Dickson, my spelling nemesis, had studied (Jane is a vice-president for MetLife and is an attorney in New York).

I also believe that in all probability this cancer will kill me.  I've read enough about UPSC to know my chances of beating this are NOT good.  I've had a wonderful life beyond anything I could have ever imagined as a kid.  I have no young children depending on me and I do not want to burden my adult children or my beloved husband to care for me when I can no longer care for myself or I am in chronic pain - life is WAY too precious for that.  

Love,

Eldri

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

 Your Peace of mind is on it's way or already arrived. My face and heart is smiling.We must one by one pull our selves from under, No dying allowed before the breath is gone from us.

I agree our chances are not good but we may still live fulfilled lives with cancer, nothing has 100% surety, not even salvation, so in the mean time lets make a pact to live and celebrate everyday we spend above ground.Our families will thank us.

Moli is hugging and loving thee. Have a great day.

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

understanding of the meaning of human life.It is to be embraced and used now in a hurry ,cancer or no cancer.

My take on strong beliefs  and convictions that there is an all powerful entity out there ,somewhere, perhaps "Heaven" is that it serves it's purpose,in that it helps believers to accept life's horrible bulls..t with little or no grumbling in hopes of a payoff when the ' trumpet sounds'  I have concluded that that's a good thing otherwise people all over the world would be miserable ,hopeless and more wicked.

The Belief itself comforts and consoles, in a way,as sufferings and hardships to a person with religious faith  becomes a "test'  a bareable test,thats all.The ability to question life's happenings in a quest for answers becomes an afront,Prayers are infact used as venting tools when fear breaks barriers and creeps in.I too mutter prayers (more like argueing with the perceived Creator) sometimes out of learned behavior but because of the realized uncertainty or lack of evidence of it working I Hope and Wish at the same time,as backups, desiring that one does come through. (I believe in covering bases)

As I have said here before, I am not religious at all but I respect and embrace believers.  The powers of such beliefs lightens loads and comes with some peace of mind, imagined or real it beats  medication.

Oh Cathy  if you had the faith you crave ,my darling you would be often on your knees asking God or whichever entity you believe in, What it is that you have done why you are being punished  or you would be bloody pestering God to save you from this disease  and if it progresses you would be questioning your status with God.None of it would be easy.life is meant to be challenging , It is it's nature. I have come to know this for sure.

Cancer may not get you in the end ,Cancer may up and leave some of us as swiftly as it came,or new sure treatment may come on board. Maintaining the body's fighting mechanics and staying mentally present through it all may be all we need to do, maintain  not destroy.

Yes slipping by , so it seems, therefore, we MUST now prioritize how we use the rest of our lives, just in case 'seeming' becomes our reality.

Cathy for you today I pray, hope and wish you added strength and renewed courage. I am sending the hugs that you need right now or needed when you posted, as an attempted pay back for all the times you have lifted me and our other sisters up out of a stumble. Catch your footing my sister you need all of you intact to maintain NED.

Nuff Nuff Love with tight hugs, Moli

 To all my sisters of strong faith I embrace your convictions without any judgement whatsoever on my part, I respect that we can each choose our own path as we navigate our spiritual life. My voicing my beliefs is not indicative of any wrong or right path to take, we are different  individuals with similar disease, therefore, it is indeed a huge blessing that we can love, wish each other well,and pull each other out of funks with no attached conditions.

Moli wishing NED to us and globally. Plenty hugs.

Soup52's picture
Soup52
Posts: 903
Joined: Jan 2016

im so sorry to hear about a child so young to lose her life so suddenly.

giggs100's picture
giggs100
Posts: 91
Joined: Oct 2015

Eldri my deepest sympathy goes out to you and your family.   It is so sad to lose someone so young.

Jerri

Abbycat2's picture
Abbycat2
Posts: 644
Joined: Feb 2014

 

It seems that I have my moments- but right now I am feeling up and positive!  Like you, Moli, I respect other people's beliefs, ranging from those who are athiest to those who seem to only connect with religion in life.  When I was in college studying anthropology (my minor), I was struck by how the various cultures of the world are remarkably different with regard to world views and religious beliefs. Well, that certainly was an eye-opener for me! 

Moli, I don't believe that a supreme being is punishing me by giving me this cancer. Have you ever read Rabbi Harold Kushner's book titled When Bad Things Happen to Good People?  He describes God as loving and when we are grieiving, He also grieves with us.  The book is a comfort and a must read, I think.

I wish all of you a wonderful day!

Cathy   

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1436
Joined: Oct 2015

I just had this discussion with our son who also minored in anthropology in college.  We adopted him when he was nine and he told me at that time he didn't believe in a god and he wasn't going to church.  I told him he had come to the right place - LOL!  The previous foster home he had been in were very religious people who, come to find out, were abusing the foster kids placed in their home.  

Fast forward 14 years and he got engaged this past New Year's Eve to a Catholic girl.  She wants to get married in her church and, of course, since he loves her, he agreed.  He equates Catholicism to Voodoo.  They had a meeting with her priest and he wanted to know if our son had ever been baptised and if he was, he had to have written proof.  Over the years I've talked to him about respecting others' beliefs but we sat down after his "meeting" and discussed it in detail.  He asked me if my cancer had changed my beliefs and I was honest with him.  I WISH I could believe because I think it would make dealing with the cancer (and our daughter's cancer) easier, but it's just not in me.  I am also sometimes envious of how people can find such comfort in their beliefs.  I told him, it's not like I know for absolute certain there is nothing out there, maybe there is or maybe there isn't - each person has to decide that for themselves.  It's what gets you through the night and you have to respect that, even if you don't believe it yourself.  That's how, if he's going to make this marriage work, he will have to deal with his fiancee's faith.  

I have many dear, dear friends praying for me and in all sincerity, I thank them because to me, it means they're thinking of me.  I am not at all offended.  I "hope" there is something beyond this life but I don't "believe" there is.  I also believe a person can choose to be happy even under dire circumstances and right now, I choose to be happy!  

Love,

Eldri

Sisters three
Posts: 165
Joined: Nov 2012

We have had members asked to curtail their religious beliefs for this website. I ask those without beliefs  also curtail from pressing these for the same reason. Not the reason for the website. Our Happy Choices should not be pushed on anyone who feels differently.

 

 

 

ConnieSW
Posts: 1506
Joined: Jun 2012

i don't recall seeing any request like that in the nearly 4 years I've been reading here.  I think the posts have been respectful of each other's beliefs and feelings and hope it continues to be that way.  I wouldn't want anyone to feel stifled.

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Sandy ,Connie ,Eldri, Today, because of your sense of fairness you have all caused me to tap dance with the top of my head on the ground, go figure that in your mind's eyes.  My AMEN volume just got turned up .

Observation:Bullying doesn't just happen in high school.

Resolve:It must be called out, everytime ,everywhere.

Amen,Amen, Amen !!!

Moli, hugging "happy"

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Oh Sisters three, I have run the gauntlet of emotions on your latest posts but now that emotions are out of the way I am now left with this overwhelming need to tell you that I think that you were very unfair to single out Eldri to chastise, I have re-read the three connecting posts,being Cathy's, mine ,and Eldri's , no where in any of those posts were suggestions of wrongness  or rightness of beliefs.no suggestive 'push' one way or the other was expressed by anyone of us ,none of us cared who feels differently ,we were not contemplating conversion attempts. the only conversion I/WE are interested in is from active cancer to NED, therefore I respectfully suggest that your response had absolutely nothing to do with any of our actions, and certainly couldn't be Eldri's without ours.

What is this website for?  We cannot just talk about Cancer,Chemo, Radiation, and Neuropathy, it is sufficating,  life is happening with occurences and events,with joyous things if we seek it.

My sister we all have pained bodies, we are all seeking ways to exhale as cancer traps some of us mid breath, therefore, on a supportive board like this we shouldn't require that participants  come in carrying only pieces of themselves, parking their' whole' somewhere outside of this website, We are not cancer we are human beings with individuality , Cancer is the equalizing  rope that pulls us together here, we stay because we are stronger together.

We cannot be fighting Cancer,additional ailments from treatments, death itself, uncaring doctors (in some cases),and each other too.we musn't be knocking each other down seeking to silence, we musn't be resistant to accepting that we each have different points of view and perceptions, we absolutely must resist the need to insult others when the need  rears it's ugly head, it is not pretty and takes away from us,Most people will say nothing verbally  but in their eyes they see ugly, no one wants to or should embrace rudeness regardless of the source,

Sisters three I am praying ,hoping and wishing that you review the postings  in question and see if your lashing out was really warranted,

Moving forward perhaps in the future you will ,hopefully leave the chastising up to CSN as your approach is not up to snuff at all.

Please know our hearts remain warm as we are all in this rocky boat together and will sometimes tumble over each other. We are tumbling, hope we will soon leave choppy waters ,I really do, we all need each other.

Moli, hugging cautiously.

 

 

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Finding 'Happy' is and should be life's ultimate goal for everyone alive, if finding it causes no one ill, If you are happy and you know it say Amen, I heard your Amen Eldri and that's a marvelous thing.

Nuff Love, Moli--hugging 'Happy' Amen.

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1436
Joined: Oct 2015

Amen, Moli!! LOL

Love,

Eldri

ConnieSW
Posts: 1506
Joined: Jun 2012

Mistaken entry

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1436
Joined: Oct 2015

Thank you, Connie!  SistersThree didn't upset me - she has her opinion and I have mine and who knows what she's been through to make her feel like that?  Being the heathen I am, I have a really thick skin Tongue Out.  

I love you guys!!

Love,

Eldri

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Happy for you and your thick skin, heathen Eldri with the teddy bear heart, you need to know that : Being the angel that I am I was  ........  bricks.Thanks to Sandy and Connie I am off the toilet.

Disclaimer : If my manner of speach offend anyone , it was not meant to, so pls. forgive me then GROW UP.

 

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Of course I know you don't think that any entity is punishing you.I said that bit because many super religious patients of mine questions God daily as to why them.

A wonderful every day to you my sister.

Moli,

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1436
Joined: Oct 2015

I was just reading the paper about the cause of death to our granddaughter's 16 year old friend and it was a side effect of chemotherapy!  She had lupus and they switched her chemo drug last week which caused her heart to stop.  Just heartbreaking!!

http://www.wausaudailyherald.com/story/news/2016/02/10/wausau-easts-genna-witz-suffered-lupus/80180180/

Love,

Eldri

Gardena
Posts: 102
Joined: Jan 2016

That's horrible!  It seems sometimes the "cure" is worse than the disease. That is just so sad to hear. My heart goes out to the girl's family and friends.  

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Oh Chemo You lovely crap you.

I wish no one needed you.

Moli.feeling sad for her and her family.

cindy0519
Posts: 173
Joined: Nov 2015

So sorry to see this. Many prayers for her family and all those who knew and loved her.  So sad...

Kaleena's picture
Kaleena
Posts: 2037
Joined: Nov 2009

So sorry to hear this.   Prayers to you, your daughter, friends and her family.

Sandy3185's picture
Sandy3185
Posts: 228
Joined: Oct 2013

I just spent half an hour composing a spirited reply to Sister3's, I think that was her name, inane comment about your post. But her post was taken down and my reply disappeared! I have never seen anyone attacked for their religious beliefs here. It's been said that everyone in a foxhole believes in God but that is not really true. We are all the product of our lifetime of searching for answers- what does our life mean, why are we here. Many look to organized religion to answer those questions. But many of us are unable to take comfort in those beliefs and are forced to find our own answers. We lead good lives, we love and are loved, help and are helped. And we search. But religious beliefs are not why we join this forum, we join to get answers, to voice our fears, to ask for and offer support. And that is exactly what Eldri has done. Eldri you sound like a wonderful woman and a great mom, a great human being. You go girl!  Love, Sandy

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1436
Joined: Oct 2015

Sandy, you are a sweetheart!  Life has so many mysteries that can't be explained by science or religion.  But instead of using up the time we have left debating them, why not just treat people the way we'd want to be treated?  Sometimes there are no answers and all we can do is offer our love, our time and our understanding to help them on their journey.  I've gotten nothing but acceptance and love from this group and I plan to be here until the end (which I hope is about 40 years from now - my plan was to come home from my 103rd birthday party which was held at the bowling alley where I'd just bowled a 300 game and drop dead in my kitchen while eating chocolate covered strawberries).

Love,

Eldri

Red Corvette
Posts: 112
Joined: Jan 2016

Sandy-very well said.

Eldri-what a wonderful way to go! 

Red

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

In spirit we will be with you both all the time , through the hills and the valleys think us there. Thanks for being a supportive husband. Thanks for being actively on this board we learn from each other and thats important.

Moli wishing you both showers of blessings.

Red Corvette
Posts: 112
Joined: Jan 2016

Thank you Moli and blessings right back at ya!

Red

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Sandy, you too bright. You wrapped that tightly and beautifully.

Moli hugging thee,3185.

Abbycat2's picture
Abbycat2
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Joined: Feb 2014

among women who have never met face-to-face-astounds me and touches my heart. It is not possible to develop a life-threatening disease that may rob us of decades of living without thinking about the meaning of life itself. We are not mere physical beings! We are intellectual, emotional and spiritual. When I talked about my spiritual struggle earlier in this thread, it had nothing to do with anyone else's beliefs. I was not judging anyone's belief system. It is not my place to do so. I laid my personal soul bare when I said that I wished I had a deeper faith. I confided my feelings because I trust each of you to respect who I am, as I also respect you.

Wishing each of you a light load today,

Love,

Cathy

 

ConnieSW
Posts: 1506
Joined: Jun 2012

beautifully said

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1436
Joined: Oct 2015

Exactly, Cathy!

Love,

Eldri

Editgrl's picture
Editgrl
Posts: 903
Joined: Jun 2015

We often speak of "treating" the whole patient, not just the disease, and here we support the whole person.  One of the wonderful things about this board is the sharing of feelings, beliefs, struggles and joys without fear of judgement.  These are all part of our experience of cancer as much as our physical symptoms.  I am honored to be privy to the most private and sometimes painful experiences my sisters here have chosen to share, be they physical, emotional or spiritual.  

Peace and strength,

Chris

TeddyandBears_Mom's picture
TeddyandBears_Mom
Posts: 1688
Joined: Jun 2015

Well said!

Lou Ann M's picture
Lou Ann M
Posts: 996
Joined: Feb 2015

This is one place where everyone needs to feel free to say what they feel.  Hugs and prayers to all you wonderful ladies.  Lou Ann

Sandy3185's picture
Sandy3185
Posts: 228
Joined: Oct 2013

Well and beautifully said! I feel closer to the women on this board than I do to some people I have known for years. Our freedom to share our innermost feelings and fears without judgement is wonderful. Love, Sandy

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