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Diagnosed Two Years Ago Today

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Yup, I was told I had colorectal cancer on New Year's eve day two year ago. I can still remember the whole thing. I had no idea so I was completely blindsided and I'd gone alone as nobody had told me to bring someone. His office is a 45 minute drive from our home in another town. I had to drive home alone and a snow storm started and it was horrible. All I could think about was if I should tell my daughter because she had plans for New Year's. I didn't want to ruin her evening but if I wasn't here for the next New Year's eve she would probably wish I had told her. So we had a somber evening at home, my husband, my daughter and I.

Then it turned out the next New Year's eve was crappy, too. I'd had the pulmonary embolism (blood clot to the lung) that almost killed me, which was likely caused by the chemo. I'd been rushed to the hospital on Dec 9, 2014 and had several cardiac arrests, a stroke, brain swelling, kidney failure, etc. and had been in a coma which I'd just come out of on Dec 23 so by New Year's I was still messed up mentally and was still almost completely paralyzed. So last years New Year was a dud, too.

Now this year I'm pretty much back to normal and it looks like the cancer is gone. My oncologist still wants to blast the spots on my lung that had the blood clot in it in case they're cancer mets even though they haven't increased in size at all. I suspect she's being over cautious because when I ended up in the hospital last year and should have died I'd already had three blood clots and she'd been dismissive of it and had suggested I take an Aspirin every day. So because of her I almost lost my life.

I'm praying that this year is my first cancer free year since it all started. I have big plans that do not include being sick and miserable. I will show my horse this year if it takes everything I have as far as strength. And I will enjoy life and not think about cancer all the time and wonder how much time I have left. Screw that. I've given cancer a couple of good years and it can kindly f off now. And to all of you, I pray every night that you will all be done with it and that they'll find a cure soon. No more people dying of cancer, enough is enough. NED for all of us!!!

Love you all, stay strong and well until there's a cure. May 2016 be the year it all turns around. May 2016 be the year that goes down in history as the year they find the cure for all cancers. Something simple that does no damage while it kills cancer and is easy to tolerate. Go to hell where you came from cancer and rot there.

For 2016 I am changing my avatar to the horse I have now. The horse in my previous pic has gone to heaven, God bless him. Happy New Year everyone!!!

Jan

 

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5046
Joined: Jan 2013

Today is the day to wave goodbye to the last few years, and look ahead to a year where you hear NED after each and every scan. 

I wish you a HAPPY new YEAR

Sue - Trubrit

P.S. I'd love to see a bigger version of your lovely avatar. 

lizard44's picture
lizard44
Posts: 409
Joined: Apr 2015

I hope this New Year's is uneventful for you except in a joyful, happy way Cool

Grace

beaumontdave's picture
beaumontdave
Posts: 1023
Joined: Aug 2013

My Lord Jan, I'm not religious and this years been hell, but you[and I] have been through enough sh*t and we deserve a break, a clear year with  no trauma or drama. My brother's wife trains and stables Morgans, so maybe I'll get out and ride more, and stop feeling so sorry for myself....................Dave

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Thanks everyone and yes, Dave, get out there and ride! My horse in my pic is part Morgan, plus thouroughbred and quarter horse. He's a Heinz 57. I adore him. We've had him for 15 years, since he was a baby. He was my daughter's horse and now he's mine and she's moved on to a young mare that looks a lot like him. He's like a big puppy dog.

Jan

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