CSN Login
Members Online: 3

You are here

nesting

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 3183
Joined: Oct 2011

I understand expectant mothers do this. But I remember doing this a few years back. I seem to be doing it again. I am cleaning, disposing, and giving things away. Maybe preparing for winter is part of it. Simplifying my life is a big part of it. Maybe being retired has something to do with it. The uncertain future of living with cancer has got to be a big part of it. And I am starting to age.

I'll bet many others have also reorganized their lives since diagnosis. (BTW I still have the same wife. When we meet people in public, I refer to her as my first wife)

It may be a devotion to gardening, arts and/or crafts, music, volunteering or even pets. I doubt we have many here who are just sitting around and giving up. They have all stopped posting.

Anyone living the dream despite cancer?

Footstomper's picture
Footstomper
Posts: 1238
Joined: Dec 2014

I retired 2 weeks ago and havent a clue what to do with myself. I am the garneding equivalent of Anthrax, whereas my wife can grow anything from HIV to tomatoes. Arthritis in my hips and knees discourage me from walking, Compressed vertebrae kinda rules out bending over or lifting.

Reading books and drinking beer just aint cutting it

Any ideas?

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 3183
Joined: Oct 2011

Footsie, you're drinking beer and reading? You've got to stop pushing yourself. You know, it's a great time to get attached to your guitar. You now have the time off you always wanted to devote to your box.

Skagway Jack's picture
Skagway Jack
Posts: 224
Joined: Oct 2013

Fox,  I went so far as retire from one job, sell our home, live overseas, move back, get another job ,and still waiting to decide where to land before we buy another home.  Most of our stuff is in storage and we have discovered how little of it we really use.   Granted I have more room on my leash as I am only stage I  but i get it for sure.   I do get the desire to resettle at times but we are determined to give it a bit longer before planting the flag again.  

I decided to live life to the fullest and so we have been doing that.  Not without risk either in vocation or avocation.  Celebrate everyday, sing louder, dance harder and see all that my eyes can take in.  Since my cancer I have been to Mexico, England, Scotland, Italy, Egypt and other locations.  I have been all over the good ole U S of A.   I am not done.  Everyday is a holiday and every meal a banquet. 

 

Cheers,  Jack

Jan4you's picture
Jan4you
Posts: 1327
Joined: Oct 2013

Yes, I have been thinking the same Foxy-baby! I don't want my kids to have to go thought stuff that wouldn't interest them.  A lot of my "stuff" was related to my job.

But suddenly in  2010 I ended up in the hospital and never returned to work again. A rather abrupt end to my career which I loved.

I am LUCKY since I have several disorders/diseases that affect my lifestyle but not my  life.

I have two rare disorders and a progressive one but to me, NO MORE cancer in my case.

Still I am lucky. I can still walk, (slowly) with a cane, I still have my mind (though I process slowly too).

My job is to take care of ME and my health! Enjoy and LOVE the people in my life (including CSN)

So, I volunteer online, answering crisis letters to a website called Elders Wisdom Circle..

It allows me to use my therapy skills except  I CAN give advice. HA!

And all this adds up to growing spiritually, always aware of my purpose in this life.

Sending you all hugs, Jan

 

APny's picture
APny
Posts: 1998
Joined: Mar 2014

While fortunately I am also stage 1 it was still a wake up call and finally made the decision to retire and to relocate to Florida. My husband has been after me for several years to do this (he retired early) but I love teaching and kept putting it off to "next year" which of course turned into another year and another year and so on. So finally this cancer experience convinced me that one never knows if there is going to be a next year, which of course is true for everyone, not just for us with cancer, and I made the leap. We bought a house and going to be moving fairly close to Iceman. We too are in the process of getting rid of all the totally unnecessary things that we have accumulated over the years and are going to live a fairly simple, uncomplicated Zen life enjoying whatever we have with each other and friends and family.

donna_lee's picture
donna_lee
Posts: 999
Joined: Feb 2009

In 2006, when SH.. happened, I was ready to fold em.  I did get rid of stuff I had no intention of every going back to doing, but had saved, "just because."  That year I was given a repreive, as I was the following two years with the recurrences.  But I started trying to put activities on the calendar for the "just in case" times.  I waited until the clear CT of Sept. 2008 to return a call to good friends and tell them we could go to Ireland with the.

Yes, age and the stuff that goes with it have crept up on both of us.  Travel is not fun when my husband can't lift any weight over his shoulders-I put the bags in the overhead!  But we still go on trips.  If anything, I have taken on new hobbies, and so has hubby.  He grows a mean vegie garden, but has portable shower stools there so we can pick and weed more easily.  And I still care for major yard work, but hire a one time clean up crew to make it manageable.

For those of you who have to be stressed over retirement, SS, Disability, etc. I'm truly sorry.  I can still work, way past retirement; we just went thru the process of finding/picking a health plan for employees that doesn't cost everyone a fortune in fees for our company or deductibles for everyone in the plan.

My husband found it very hard to retire from the heavy contruction work he had been doing since a teenager (family company).  The first 6 months were like living with a zombie-all he did was eat, sleep, and sit and watch talking heads on TV.  Then I found a Community College Class for him to take...and he hasn't slowed down, yet.  He found something that truly interested him- essentially the history of a local forest- and has been meeting with legislators, public goups and traveling all over the west coast to keep it from being sold to the lowest bidder for a pittance.

Changing life directions is legal on any map.  But the course can be pretty random. So on we walk, one step at a time.

I'm not ready to fold 'em.

Donna

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 1310
Joined: Oct 2013

Well Foxy...you are making us think, again! :)

While I was waiting for my nephrectomy surgery, I got my house all organized, got my finances and will in order.

Stuff....I have just gone through this. Over 6 years ago I left my first husband in the middle of the night with nothing but my clothes. It is amazing how much stuff I have accumulated since then!! In only 6 years! Now (with my second husband) we just sold our house and downsized - a LOT!! I got rid of a lot of stuff, but still need to get rid of more. Excess is something to evaluate/ponder. I once read a passage in a book, called "Stone Diaries"... at the end of this woman's life, she is laying in a nursing home bed. All she has in her night stand drawer is a comb, a photograph and some mints,  or something like that. It made me realize how little you really do need. However, just this week my husband asked if we could throw out this one specific fork. He felt it had seen better days....one tine was shorter than the others, looked worn out. I emphatically said "no!!". It was a fork that has been in my family for over 60 years! I also have a spoon. I told him how much I enjoy seeing that fork in our drawer, and how much pleasure I get using it. It brings me great joy whenever I see it. It doesn't take up much room...packs a lot of punch in value to me. It is the sentimental stuff I have real trouble with.

That being said, I am hoping to retire in June. I have been working for 35 years. Although I love my job, I feel ready to retire. My husband will still have to work for several years, so in the meantime, I look forward to spending a lot of time with my sisters. My oldest son just got transferred to the city I live in. I plan on dog sitting my beloved grandpuppy and having lunches with my son. I want to do some travelling with some friends who also will be retiring soon. I also will be doing some kind of volunteering....and maybe a bit of work here and there. The possibilities are endless!

 

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 3183
Joined: Oct 2011

thats what my wife says. It is all about developing the memories and sentiment. She spends alot of time with the grand daughters baking and cooking. Then someday the silver ware and such wild hold memories for the girls.  I'm glad that you will retire. There are too many roads to take. FLY.

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 1310
Joined: Oct 2013

Foxy, your wife is sooooo right! She sounds lovely.

Here's a joke for you!

85-year-old Biker Bob was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home an...d bring back a semen sample tomorrow. ’

The next day Bob reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the old biker explained, 'Well you see, doc, it’s like this. “First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my old lady for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. 'We even called up Sally, the Gal next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.’ The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'

Bob replied, 'Yep, none of us could get that damn jar open.’

Hugs

Jojo

icemantoo's picture
icemantoo
Posts: 3317
Joined: Jan 2010

Sorry I can't top that.

 

 

 

Icemantoo

 

 

 

 

 

Phredswife's picture
Phredswife
Posts: 162
Joined: Apr 2014

Thanks Jojo. You sure made us laugh!!!!Smile

Footstomper's picture
Footstomper
Posts: 1238
Joined: Dec 2014

Jojo Try putting a rubber band round it!

Skagway Jack's picture
Skagway Jack
Posts: 224
Joined: Oct 2013

Good one Jo Jo!  Wife and I had a good laugh from that one.

Cheers

 

nancybuck's picture
nancybuck
Posts: 117
Joined: Sep 2015

Two years ago, my husband and I decided to move to Austin to be near both our kids and their families. Best thing we ever did.  There are few possessions that I hold on to, but my husband, not so much. He keeps everything. So, we downsize from 3500 sq. feet to 2500. Now we are paying storage fees for his things that he will more than likely never use or need again. I tell him that the children will have to deal with all of this when we are gone, but he does not flinch. For the last 5 years or so, I am been slowly cleaning out. Less is definitely more. 

Since we have both retired, we have travelled to many places, seeing parts of the world that I never, ever, would have imagined I would see. We just missed a great trip due to my having surgery, but we will definitely reschedule.  

Before my diagnosis, we would go to our gym and walk at least two miles a day.  Have not gotten back to walking yet, but I am hoping I feel better soon so that we an get back to it. 

What I do hate is that each morning when I wake up, first thing I think about is that I have cancer. I know it is not healthy to think like that, but I guess for now, until I fully recover from surgery, it is going to be in the forefront of my mind.

I just want all of you to know how much I appreciate all of you for your posts. It is so important to folks just joining this new life to be able to get on line and learn what other are going through and how they are dealing with their illness.  

Hugs, love and prayers for all of you. Thank you for letting me be a part of your circle of friendship and compassion.

 

Nancy

Allochka's picture
Allochka
Posts: 946
Joined: Nov 2014

Wow, Jojo, thanks for the joke!!! :-! Made my day!

 

As for life changes after cancer diagnosis - we've renovated our apartment, and my partner changed a job (smth he wanted to do for a while). He also is spending more time with his hobby  - photography. However, I can't say if the diagnosis made him do it, or simply need to change smth accumulated to the extent when he simply did it.

I  started saying "I love you" more often. I loved him also before the diagnosis, but wasn't saying that regularly, thinking that words do bot matter as much as actions. But now I think we have to say these things aloud as well, because they are so precious when you really mean it.

Interesting that you mentioned getting rid of staff. I've done the same recently - disposed of everything unnecessary without pity. But I think it is a right thing to keep sentimental things, even if they are old and broken - these are our history, our memory. One blogger who writes about minimalistic living, said - " throw away everything which is either not useful or not beautiful, but if you can't throw away smth, because it is dear to you - then keep it without hesitation." 

So I fully understand the fork story, Jojo. I would do the same. My partner recently told me that he still regrets his mom has thrown away his old (and pretty ugly :-) teddy bear :-)

APny's picture
APny
Posts: 1998
Joined: Mar 2014

" I told him how much I enjoy seeing that fork in our drawer, and how much pleasure I get using it. It brings me great joy whenever I see it."

Marie Kondo, a Japanese writer who wrote a great book on how to declutter your life said to look at each object and if it doesn't spark joy in you then get rid of it. So it sounds as though that spoon and fork are the perfect examples of what to hold on to :)

And that joke was hilarious!

marosa's picture
marosa
Posts: 333
Joined: Feb 2015

I think I started in some way reorganizing my life before I had an idea I had cancer!  I lived in Paris for 24 years (my husband is french), the kids had just left home, my hubby's last start-up company didn't work out and he was sitting home and bored, I wasn't feeling very perky either... so I convinced him to move to my country the Dominican Republic where we have been for the last 4 years.  Big change but a very pleasant sunny life! We miss Paris but we come often, in fact, we are in Paris right now.  I have been quite the opposite of a hoarder but when we moved I really cleaned up good!  I sometimes think I should have kept many of those things but it's fine, how much stuff does one need or use?

So much for reorganizing life, I changed continents!  As for passion and things to do, Photography saved me when the kids left, saved me again in pre-menopause mood changes and has saved me again after my diagnostic, surgery and now.  I also go twice a week to a huge charity childrens school and I cover as a photographer for the school webpage. That really takes away my mind from anxiety! Wish I could play the guitar, to lazzy to start now but one of my brothers plays it well and I sing along!

Foxy do you play Bluegrass?  Can you play Neil Young's  "Helpless", "Old Man" or "Harvest Moon"?

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 3183
Joined: Oct 2011

First off, I DO love your photography. I have taken a couple similar type reflection pictures in NYC...but not with your talent.

and yes I am a bluegrass player. And yes I know Neil Youngs tunes. I've been playing for 45 years. 99% is acoustic.  I more than hold my own in acoustic guitar jams. Lately I have been absorbed into the Telecaster twang of outlaw and old style country. I don't care for modern country music though. As winter approaches, I usually play alot.

Footstomper's picture
Footstomper
Posts: 1238
Joined: Dec 2014

I sing play guitar and blues harp. The next door neighbours boyfriend plays banjo and bass and sings. Next door to them is a guy who plays bass and mandolin. We make a pretty good noise together.

Positive_Mental_Attitude's picture
Positive_Mental...
Posts: 454
Joined: Jul 2014

Cleaning out . . .

 

A fire and two floods in our basement where most of our stuff was stored took care of most stuff we accumulated over the years.  The second flood during Sandy wiped out a lot of stuff I would have been cleaning out post retirement.  Like other things that happened in my life in the last few years (including kidney cancer), things cleaned themselves up without any initiative from me. 

mrou50
Posts: 389
Joined: Mar 2013

Fox I actually did just the opposite when I was diagnosed with stage IV I started purchasing things like crazy including a new truck.  My wife said I was getting out of control wiht buying things.  I started to see a therapist and what I found out was that I was in the denial phase of this disease, and by purchasing items I was denying my situation.  Since then my wife and I have decided I need to check with her before I purchase any major items to make sure we really need them. After reading your post I feel maybe this summer we are going to have a very large garage sell.

 

Mark

Subscribe to Comments for "nesting"