I don't know what I am--just fried

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staygold
staygold Member Posts: 8
edited November 2015 in Caregivers #1

I read your stories and feel guilty for even complaining.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  My husband has Stage 2 Diffuse Large B Cell Lymphoma and a very good prognosis.  He has a great attitude and has been appreciative of the things I've done for him.  However I feel like I am coming apart at the seems.  My house seems to go from "ok" to a big messy, cluttery dump in about a day and it literally drives me to tears.  I'm thankful for the good prognosis and that he his worst chemo effects seem to be manageable with a lot of sleep.   I know that this could all be soooo much worse, but for some reason I feel totally overwhelmed and exhausted physically and mentally and I don't know why.   My work load has not increased a great deal because of this, aside from the messiness of the house that comes and goes.  I myself have a physical issue-post Neuroinvasive West Nile Virus pain and fatigue and maybe for some reason the stress makes that worse or the other way around.

I feel guilty for feeling this way.    I WANT to be alert and capable of doing this and feel like a zombie, only grouchier.   Thanks for listening, I'll go buy some cheese to go with my whine now.

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  • cheatinlil
    cheatinlil Member Posts: 197
    #2
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    First Breathe! :)  I'm sorry

    First Breathe! :)  I'm sorry you are here.  There is no reason to feel guilty about being overwhelmed.  A diagnosis of cancer is no small thing no matter what stage it is.  THere is no cure for cancer.  It is scary!  Some days we are strong and some days we are weak.  You are allowed to have weak days!  If you find yourself depressed daily for a long period of time you could try anti-depressents to get you through.  Sorry you are here.  You are not alone.  Hang in there.  I'm listening. 

  • Hussy
    Hussy Member Posts: 29
    #3
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    I'm the same way as you -- a

    I'm the same way as you -- a messy house drives me to distraction.  But I've got so much on my plate caring for my husband and working full time that something has to give.  Or does it?  Why not engage a housekeeping service?  I have someone come in every two weeks and I can't begin to tell you how much this has reduced my stress level.  I have a clean house and more free time.  So worth the expense!    

  • staygold
    staygold Member Posts: 8
    #4
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    Thank you both

    Thank you.   

  • SharonH56
    SharonH56 Member Posts: 16 Member
    #5
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    You don't realize that

    You're experiencing loads of stress and depression and fear. This is our lot as caregivers, except we tend to neglect our own feelings because we think it's our loved ones going through this so who are we to complain? But, I'm starting to realize that we definitely need to take better care of ourselves so we can take care of them. 

    As for the house, screw it. Mine is a mess too, and I don't care. I choose one or two things to do a day and that's it. Yesterday I dusted the living room and right before I went up to bed I swiffered the kitchen floor. Today I might clean one of the bathrooms. Or, I might not. It's really not that important in the scheme of everything else.

    So cut yourself some slack. Because nobody is going to criticize you if there's a little dust or mess. You have bigger issues to deal with. Take care of yourself first. 

     

  • HOPE610
    HOPE610 Member Posts: 28
    #6
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    SharonH56 said:

    You don't realize that

    You're experiencing loads of stress and depression and fear. This is our lot as caregivers, except we tend to neglect our own feelings because we think it's our loved ones going through this so who are we to complain? But, I'm starting to realize that we definitely need to take better care of ourselves so we can take care of them. 

    As for the house, screw it. Mine is a mess too, and I don't care. I choose one or two things to do a day and that's it. Yesterday I dusted the living room and right before I went up to bed I swiffered the kitchen floor. Today I might clean one of the bathrooms. Or, I might not. It's really not that important in the scheme of everything else.

    So cut yourself some slack. Because nobody is going to criticize you if there's a little dust or mess. You have bigger issues to deal with. Take care of yourself first. 

     

    Amen

    I agree with SharonH56!  Cut yourself some slack.  I used to keep my home spotless and I often miss that, but it certainly not my priority.  My husband is a 5 1/2 year stage 4 survivor and he will have to be in treatment the rest of his life.  I can't afford to bring someone in for my home.  I choose to bring someone in to do yard work.  The yard is my husband's pride and he just can't keep it up.  The backyard is a disaster, but that is another story.  Do what you can and when you can.  If you have the means, bring somoeone in to help you.  I chose to spend time with my husband even when I should be cleaning.  He helps when he is able. 

    It is all good.  Even when it makes me crazy, I take a deep breath and just remember my time with him is more precious than dusting. 

    Take care of yourself.  Hugs.

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