Moli updating.

molimoli
molimoli Member Posts: 514
edited November 2015 in Uterine Cancer #1

Hi Ladies ,I finally got surgery date for January 6th , long time to wait but i am downsizing and hoping to move within the month of December . I am planning a bells and whistles  Christmas celebration for children and family in my new place.I have narrowed down my search to 3 places and will choose one soon.So won't do any surgery until the new year unless there is an emergency. I sense that I will be unwell for a while after treatment so I am happy to have some time to do some living untill then.

Surgeons requested that I take the time to  get lots of info from others who have had colostomies or it's like, so that I am confident that I can live with this ,in case they have to go that route, I am apprehensive but not afraid or worried, with this disease you are damned if you do and damned if you dont, so I am now like '"whatever" just do it.    I got helpful info from some of you on PM thanks a lot for opening your selves in that way to help me save myself.I hope you know that I was loving as I read.

Although I visited the board briefly some nights, I have not posted as I got the date only yesterday and there was nothing new to post.

Overall I feel well ,a bit tired from house hunting or lazy.No discomfort or pain  but very aware of something in my pelvis feeling a sense of  'biggerness ' every couple of weeks, Which tells me there are growth progressions happening, and oh boy when I walk too much or suddenly stand up from a sitting or stooping position I actually feel like something is adjusting itself way way back of my vagina apparently in another vagina ,weird feeling with no pain,

I wish I knew that I had a spare vagina back there when I was young and thought that I was semi- cute, I would have used them both up. 

Now I have lost them both to rogue cells, how about that.  Woe is me but my cup is still half full.

To all of you sisters I am wishing for you exactly what you hope for.NED and total peace of mind.Preparedness for life and death affords me a peace of mind that can't be explained with any words in the dictionary. I have prepared to live and really live a long time  however if death comes today  it will push no panic buttons on me as I have prepared for that reality too, really prepared with all my ducks in line so I have nothing to stress or worry about no more, forever.and my family will have absolutely no panic planning to do ,their time will be better spent hugging and consoling each other as they think of my life with them whichever way they see it in their individual heads. Now I am fameliar with and understand  'The Peace That Passeth Understanding' 

Re: the wills that are not yet wills ,those under the mattress, those in the drawers or those in your heads , pull them out and do the right thing, stop procrastinating , A proper will. saves families from unloving each other in your absence,just do it. 

Nuff love to you all , Beg ,borrow or steal some Peace of mind, it's a freeing place to be, it lightens your load. Nuff love, Moli

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Comments

  • Cucu me
    Cucu me Member Posts: 213
    best of luck to you,

    Moli, I missed you.

    Get better please!

  • TeddyandBears_Mom
    TeddyandBears_Mom Member Posts: 1,811 Member
    Cucu me said:

    best of luck to you,

    Moli, I missed you.

    Get better please!

    Moli, enjoy your holidays.

    Moli, enjoy your holidays. Get yourself strong and ready for your surgery.  It will be here before you know it!

    Thanks for letting us know the plan!

    Love and Hugs,

    Cindi

  • AWK
    AWK Member Posts: 364
    You have been putting your vibes out there!

    I have had you on the brain.  Your plans sound perfect and your message reads of your peace of mind.  I am so happy for you.  Pay attention to your body and be gentle with it.  On the colostomy bag you might try the colon cancer group of you don't get a lot of response here.

    always keeping you in my prayers.  And as our Ro would sign off - in peace and caring Anne

  • Abbycat2
    Abbycat2 Member Posts: 644
    AWK said:

    You have been putting your vibes out there!

    I have had you on the brain.  Your plans sound perfect and your message reads of your peace of mind.  I am so happy for you.  Pay attention to your body and be gentle with it.  On the colostomy bag you might try the colon cancer group of you don't get a lot of response here.

    always keeping you in my prayers.  And as our Ro would sign off - in peace and caring Anne

    You have been on my mind, too, moli

    -like, Anne, you have not been far from my thoughts and prayers. I wish for you continued peace and a smooth downsizing. Good for you for preparing for whatever life unfolds. I agree that we women, especially the 60 plus ones, should have wills in place. I have had a will for at least 30 years, including a healthcare rep in the event that I am unable to direct my own fate. I have not made funeral arrangements but will do that when my cancer or some other disease seems to be gaining a footing.  My loved ones will be taken care of, including my sweerheart of 31 years. You talked about acceptance and Moli, that is what I am striving to attain in my life here and now. I do not under any circumstance believe that I will beat UPSC, but if I do- and if you and the other women here do- well, da-n, Hallelujah! There could not be a greater reason to celebrate!

    moli, I am sometimes left speechless after reading your post, as I am awed by your incredible love for your children, your courage and grace in facing this cancer adversity and your humorous view of your life and cancer in general. I wish you calm sailing and joy during the holiday season and a superb surgery outcome, my friend!

    Warm Hugs,

    Cathy 

  • Lou Ann M
    Lou Ann M Member Posts: 996
    Thinking of you

    You sound like you have everything planned out.  Have a wonderful holiday season and rest up for your surgery.  What ever happens you will be able to handle it.  You are a strong lady.

    I also have many of my final plans taken care of.  My pastor know my wishes and so does my family.  I may be around for a long time and then I may walk out my door tomorrow and have an airplane land on me.  You never know!.  It is great to be able to feel at peace, and I am so happy for you.  Hugs and prayers, Lou Ann

  • Kaleena
    Kaleena Member Posts: 2,081 Member
    Sending you Strength, Peace and Happiness

    Dear Moli:

    There are times that this stuff really gets us to our lowest point.  But somehow we seem to find the strength to keep on going.   I am sending you that strength to push back those rogue cells back to where they belong.

    Looking for homes and dealing with this stuff can really be an emotional rollercoaster.   

    There is more I would like to say but unfortunately I have not been blessed with words.   So I am sending you hugs and prayers to lift your heart and give you happiness.

    My best to you,

    Kathy

     

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    Cucu me said:

    best of luck to you,

    Moli, I missed you.

    Get better please!

    thanks a lot Cucu

    I will comply ,Cucu, I'll do my darndest to be better. You do the same please. I wish us all 'better' for a long long time.

    Nuff love. Moli

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514

    Moli, enjoy your holidays.

    Moli, enjoy your holidays. Get yourself strong and ready for your surgery.  It will be here before you know it!

    Thanks for letting us know the plan!

    Love and Hugs,

    Cindi

    Thanks dear. Oh Cindi can't wait for holiday & surgery both.

    I just need to get it behind me  comes what may. I feel positive though, just sorry I waited so long hassling with the cancer center, Should have left long ago and seek surgery elsewhere. but better late than never.

    Thanks to the creator that you are doing well with the changes to your chemo routine.

    Stay strong and brave, Love you.Moli

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    AWK said:

    You have been putting your vibes out there!

    I have had you on the brain.  Your plans sound perfect and your message reads of your peace of mind.  I am so happy for you.  Pay attention to your body and be gentle with it.  On the colostomy bag you might try the colon cancer group of you don't get a lot of response here.

    always keeping you in my prayers.  And as our Ro would sign off - in peace and caring Anne

    My vibes travel when I love,

    Yes Anne I am  content with my lot at this point.Thanks to the creator

    I got a couple of responses which were reassuring. I hope it wont get to that but I am braced.

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    AWK said:

    You have been putting your vibes out there!

    I have had you on the brain.  Your plans sound perfect and your message reads of your peace of mind.  I am so happy for you.  Pay attention to your body and be gentle with it.  On the colostomy bag you might try the colon cancer group of you don't get a lot of response here.

    always keeping you in my prayers.  And as our Ro would sign off - in peace and caring Anne

    Anne my vibes travel when I love

    I love that I love you all and feel loved in return, wonderful spirit booster.

    You remain in my prayers, my hopes and my wishes, one or all better produce results of NED or better.I am counting on constantly asking the creator to intervene for all of us.

    I got some honest feed back from some sisters re colostomy. I am encouraged by the info.

    I am hugging you,  my more than brave sister.

    Nuff love, Moli.

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    Lou Ann M said:

    Thinking of you

    You sound like you have everything planned out.  Have a wonderful holiday season and rest up for your surgery.  What ever happens you will be able to handle it.  You are a strong lady.

    I also have many of my final plans taken care of.  My pastor know my wishes and so does my family.  I may be around for a long time and then I may walk out my door tomorrow and have an airplane land on me.  You never know!.  It is great to be able to feel at peace, and I am so happy for you.  Hugs and prayers, Lou Ann

    Lou Ann thanks for your prayers and support,need it

    Good girl re final plans.Pass the advice around it makes good sense.

    Oh LouAnn you crack me up ,Why airplane? sounds  so big,  harsh and pulverising, couldn't you pick a simple fall with a busted head like falling out of a low bed ?.You have me imagining the big airplane on top of me  and with my bad luck my nine lives will kick in and keep me under it a long time before I pass .I'll never be able to get this out of my head now, girl next time turn down the drama a little bit. LOL,LOL,LOL. dying with laughter.my ribs are now hurting. Thank you our drama Queen.Don't know how many times you have ever heard of an airplane picking a single person to land on, now Moli will be watching the direction of every darn airplane, as if I didn't have enough to worry about.

    Love you my darling Lou ann. I wish you peace of mind and protection from airplanes. ( you just shattered my peace of mind with that airplane story)

    Too funny Take care, Nuff love Moli.

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    Kaleena said:

    Sending you Strength, Peace and Happiness

    Dear Moli:

    There are times that this stuff really gets us to our lowest point.  But somehow we seem to find the strength to keep on going.   I am sending you that strength to push back those rogue cells back to where they belong.

    Looking for homes and dealing with this stuff can really be an emotional rollercoaster.   

    There is more I would like to say but unfortunately I have not been blessed with words.   So I am sending you hugs and prayers to lift your heart and give you happiness.

    My best to you,

    Kathy

     

    Plenty thanks Kathy

    You are not short of words at all you have said so much on this board that gives us hope and strength, for you we are grateful.When I update i'll let you know all about the rogue cell shinnagans.

    Take care of yourself and yours.You are a pillar of strength to us.

    Nuff love

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    Abbycat2 said:

    You have been on my mind, too, moli

    -like, Anne, you have not been far from my thoughts and prayers. I wish for you continued peace and a smooth downsizing. Good for you for preparing for whatever life unfolds. I agree that we women, especially the 60 plus ones, should have wills in place. I have had a will for at least 30 years, including a healthcare rep in the event that I am unable to direct my own fate. I have not made funeral arrangements but will do that when my cancer or some other disease seems to be gaining a footing.  My loved ones will be taken care of, including my sweerheart of 31 years. You talked about acceptance and Moli, that is what I am striving to attain in my life here and now. I do not under any circumstance believe that I will beat UPSC, but if I do- and if you and the other women here do- well, da-n, Hallelujah! There could not be a greater reason to celebrate!

    moli, I am sometimes left speechless after reading your post, as I am awed by your incredible love for your children, your courage and grace in facing this cancer adversity and your humorous view of your life and cancer in general. I wish you calm sailing and joy during the holiday season and a superb surgery outcome, my friend!

    Warm Hugs,

    Cathy 

    Humor is my depression pill.

    Cathy, I am sure you know that you are also constantly with me, I never fail to give thanks for your NED Blessings, Hoping that you and all my other sisters find and or keep NED. Most of all I hope that all of my sisters keep working their way into peace and contentment with the resolve to fight Cancer as a team, cheering each other on this rugged winding road.

    You will find the acceptance and peace that you seek in good time Cathy, I know you will, you must  but it takes time. I had no choice I had to push myself into soul searching and despite UPSC I found more to be happy about than to be sad about so  because I know the delecate situation I was in  already embracing depression for one reason ,then  got this, another reason to be really depressed and angrier, that would guarantee that the rest of my life would be spent keeping company with depression and fear,so cold turkey I booted the depression with it's debilitating worthlessness from my life,  the alternative would be to harbor anger, denial and a whole lot more depression.I ached to return to my old self ,my family ached to have me back as me, so I made a choice to make peace with cancer without embracing it and going to bed to sleep with it 24 / 7. I know it's there but it will not rob me of my chance to hug life again.

    So you see Cathy I was in a different place standing in different shoes from all of you so If I happen to say that UPSC saved me from 4 years  of nothingness please believe me and understand that for you finding peace of mind despite cancer  may take a while, I didn't have anymore while to give to nothingness.I won't find anymore while for nothingness, every day gotta count moving forward or the latter part of my life will be wasted  feeling sorry for myself.What's the pay off for that, MORE NOTHINGNESS.I surmise. Tomorrow !5th will be the anniversary of my daughter's passing and on visiting her grave I won't anymore say out loud while I am bawling  "Baby I am going to get it together" this time it will be " Baby I have gotten it together and I am back into life, hook ,line and sinker"  I may bawl but not for the same reason. I will be bawling in acceptance of her death , in acknowledgement that I have terminal cancer but most of all in thankfulness that I won't end my life's journey with nothing but nothingness,I am making sure of that.

     My children and grandchildren are  all I have, I love them dearly and have always protected them with all of me.The three girls, now 2 turned out exactly as I envisioned.

    Humor will take us all through the dark times, if we lighten up.

    Looking forward to the holiday a lot. 

    Thanks for your kind wishes for me. Continued ned and peace of mind is my wish for you my sister friend. Nuff love. Moli.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

      

  • Editgrl
    Editgrl Member Posts: 903
    A plan in place

    Moli, it is so good to hear you have such all-encompassing plans arranged.  Your voice is calm, almost serene, and I feel a glow of acceptance and strength as you move toward all the "new"s in your life.

    I wish you the best in finding your new home.  Downsizing makes one really take stock of what's important, essential, both from a practical and emotional sense.  It's an exercise we could probably all benefit from, whether we need to do it or not.

    And thanks for the reminder re: will.  While I have had one for many years, since my mom died 7 years ago, it is somewhat out of date.  In addition, I really need to do a trust.  My parents had one and it made things so much easier for so many reasons.  It has been on my list for a couple of years, and I think the time for procrastination has long passed.  Thanks for the kick in the pants.

    Chris

     

  • Abbycat2
    Abbycat2 Member Posts: 644
    Editgrl said:

    A plan in place

    Moli, it is so good to hear you have such all-encompassing plans arranged.  Your voice is calm, almost serene, and I feel a glow of acceptance and strength as you move toward all the "new"s in your life.

    I wish you the best in finding your new home.  Downsizing makes one really take stock of what's important, essential, both from a practical and emotional sense.  It's an exercise we could probably all benefit from, whether we need to do it or not.

    And thanks for the reminder re: will.  While I have had one for many years, since my mom died 7 years ago, it is somewhat out of date.  In addition, I really need to do a trust.  My parents had one and it made things so much easier for so many reasons.  It has been on my list for a couple of years, and I think the time for procrastination has long passed.  Thanks for the kick in the pants.

    Chris

     

    Oh, Moli, you never fail

    to make me weep and laugh, too. Thank you for removing my rose colored glasses and helping me see life as it really is. We are- each of us- time limited afterall whether we have cancer, heart disease or facing the clock ticking down our days due to old age. Thank you for opening my eyes to the real world. I am striving to achieve your level of acceptance and I sense that I am moving in that direction. I am anything but naive or stupid. Lots of women who had stage 3 or 4 UPSC and wrote on this uterine board have passed on. Our dear beloved Ro10 most recently and none of us have recovered from losing her. 

    Da-n, I hate cancer and I am not one to use that word loosely. 

    Love to you, moli, 

    Cathy

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    Editgrl said:

    A plan in place

    Moli, it is so good to hear you have such all-encompassing plans arranged.  Your voice is calm, almost serene, and I feel a glow of acceptance and strength as you move toward all the "new"s in your life.

    I wish you the best in finding your new home.  Downsizing makes one really take stock of what's important, essential, both from a practical and emotional sense.  It's an exercise we could probably all benefit from, whether we need to do it or not.

    And thanks for the reminder re: will.  While I have had one for many years, since my mom died 7 years ago, it is somewhat out of date.  In addition, I really need to do a trust.  My parents had one and it made things so much easier for so many reasons.  It has been on my list for a couple of years, and I think the time for procrastination has long passed.  Thanks for the kick in the pants.

    Chris

     

    Wills And Trusts just do it guys,it takes the load off.

    I am in full agreement Chris  NO PROCRASTINATION  should be our new rallying call.

    So right, downsizing is freeing

    I am looking forward to meeting and finding ways to deal with the  "new"s as  they come, The easy and the  tough ones.I'll stay braced.

    Happy to see how very well you are doing with treatment, it does come with it's hiccups but thanks to the creator you are all weathering the storm .Makes my heart glad.

    Nuff Love and new blessings. Moli

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    Abbycat2 said:

    Oh, Moli, you never fail

    to make me weep and laugh, too. Thank you for removing my rose colored glasses and helping me see life as it really is. We are- each of us- time limited afterall whether we have cancer, heart disease or facing the clock ticking down our days due to old age. Thank you for opening my eyes to the real world. I am striving to achieve your level of acceptance and I sense that I am moving in that direction. I am anything but naive or stupid. Lots of women who had stage 3 or 4 UPSC and wrote on this uterine board have passed on. Our dear beloved Ro10 most recently and none of us have recovered from losing her. 

    Da-n, I hate cancer and I am not one to use that word loosely. 

    Love to you, moli, 

    Cathy

    I am in your corner,You will do it Cathy,soon you will.You'll C

    Tears washes the eyeballs clean allowing us to see clearly when it's done

    Laughter tickles the spirit causing it to soar to higher places

    I too hate cancer but not holding a grudge, too debilitating.

    I am happy and grateful I was put on notice, thats all.

    What one does with the notice period can make or break the outcome.

    Plenty hugs, Love you back  Moli.

  • Abbycat2
    Abbycat2 Member Posts: 644
    molimoli said:

    Wills And Trusts just do it guys,it takes the load off.

    I am in full agreement Chris  NO PROCRASTINATION  should be our new rallying call.

    So right, downsizing is freeing

    I am looking forward to meeting and finding ways to deal with the  "new"s as  they come, The easy and the  tough ones.I'll stay braced.

    Happy to see how very well you are doing with treatment, it does come with it's hiccups but thanks to the creator you are all weathering the storm .Makes my heart glad.

    Nuff Love and new blessings. Moli

    Moli, how are you doing?

     

    I am hoping that the Christmas and New Year's holidays brought you much joy visiting with your girls and grandchildren.  Have you moved into your new home?   I remember that you said that you would be having your surgery tomorrow and I just want you to know that you have been on my mind and I am wishing for the very best surgical outcome for you. 

    Let us hear from you!   Take good care of yourself, Moli.

    Nuff Love,

    Cathy

  • ConnieSW
    ConnieSW Member Posts: 1,613 Member
    Abbycat2 said:

    Moli, how are you doing?

     

    I am hoping that the Christmas and New Year's holidays brought you much joy visiting with your girls and grandchildren.  Have you moved into your new home?   I remember that you said that you would be having your surgery tomorrow and I just want you to know that you have been on my mind and I am wishing for the very best surgical outcome for you. 

    Let us hear from you!   Take good care of yourself, Moli.

    Nuff Love,

    Cathy

    Good luck

    i knew that Moli's surgery was in the first week of Jan. but couldn't recall the exact date.  Thanks for remembering, Cathy.  Moli, please know I'll be sending good thoughts your way tomorrow.  

  • TeddyandBears_Mom
    TeddyandBears_Mom Member Posts: 1,811 Member
    ConnieSW said:

    Good luck

    i knew that Moli's surgery was in the first week of Jan. but couldn't recall the exact date.  Thanks for remembering, Cathy.  Moli, please know I'll be sending good thoughts your way tomorrow.  

    Me too Moli!

    Looking forward to hearing from you soon!

    Cathy thanks for reminding us of the date. Like you, I have been thinking about our friend. :-)

    Love and Hugs,

    Cindi