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foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 3183
Joined: Oct 2011

As most know by now, I am pretty far removed from nephrectomy and it's issues. Unless I am asked for my opinion, I leave those topics to newer people with more recent experiences. I concentrate on living in the present and only make short term plans and set short term goals. Time makes accepting what has happened and what will happen easier to handle. This is no fear of death. But I'm not nearly ready and I have worked extremely hard to prosper and overcome everything that renal ca has thrown at me. ...There is a Star Trek episode where Data realizes that he can not beat an opponet at some game they are playing. So he changes his approach and plays not to win but to not lose. Thereby a stalemate(sp?) in effect makes the other guy unable to be a winner. A draw is the goal and that makes Data essentially the winner. In our game if we are not ever going to be NED then stability is the goal. Kind of the same thing.

I bring this up because we need to celebrate being alive and overcoming what has been thrown at us. The sun rises every morning and we love and are loved by others. We need to count our blessings. There is no time for discouragement or depression. There are people to see, places to go and things to do. We share our prayers and karma. The more of that that we give away, the more there is coming around.

Newbies have lots of questions and need hand holding and encouragement. Soon a time comes when they are holding others hands and returning the favors. Nice. I post this because life is good. Coping becomes a skill. At least at this moment we are all survivors. I thought that maybe people would like to discuss  less gloom and doom and share some heart warming stories. We are here to listen. We have positive things in common. For me, the "Summer of Fox" has been a reality. No one (including me)  ever expected me to be alive. The "Poster Boy" lives.  We do this together. Thank you for your support and faith in my effort. How about some of you? Has anyone won a lottery or heard a good joke? Express yourself. No self pity stories to be posted here. Gallows humor is more than acceptable. FLY!

aamdsi
Posts: 284
Joined: Apr 2014

Haven't been on here in awhile - been living the summer! 8-)  But my yearly scan is this coming Tues. so thought would check back.

Anyway, during my wonderful summer I learned that I am to become Mimi to another wee one!  A Feburary appearance for this one.  If just life itself ain't worht living for - Grandkids are.

Allochka's picture
Allochka
Posts: 874
Joined: Nov 2014

Good luck with coming scans and congrats on future grandkid! :-)

Fox, what a wonderful idea!

My biggest good news were already posted last week ( partner's undetectable hepatitis C after treatment). Other good news to share - our Alice was 4 months old this Sunday, and reached new milestones recently like rolling to her side, trying to sit up and reaching/holding toys :-) She is becoming more and more interesting to spend time with, and we love her more and more. 

Autumn has come, and as we live in a small resort town at the Baltic sea, finally summer tourists went away. Seaside is calm and empty, and it is a great pleasure to take a walk with Alice in a stroller on a cloudy day on a beach, to drop into cosy restaurant for something tasty... It is cold already, so iit is time for small cold weather  pleasures again - to start lighting candles at dinner, to switch from white wine to red, to take hot baths... Life is really good! 

So hurrah to Summer of Fox, and let's make it "Year of Fox"! :-)

sblairc's picture
sblairc
Posts: 586
Joined: Feb 2014

My husband won VIP tickets to Garth Brooks sitting with local sports radio personalities and attending a VIP party!!! It's after his upcoming scans, but as they say "The show must go on"

We also booked a ski trip in December. Also after his upcoming scans. This was a milestone for me since I avoid any and all planning until after his scans. Didn't blink an eye this time, just told him to BOOK IT!!!

 

LIFE IS GOOD!!!!

jason.2835
Posts: 337
Joined: Nov 2014

Fox,

This is a beautiful sentiment, my friend.  It shows the newbies that there is, indeed, a FUTURE AFTER CANCER... Even advanced disease.  It's hard not to wallow in self-pity, but you taught me very early on after joining this board that every second doing is a WASTED one.  

For me, it's been hard this past year to really reflect on it.  As a Stage 1 patient, it's easier to count your blessings and move on.  Not in the "forget about it" sense, but in the "get back to living" sense.  My first 6-month follow up was less than 2 weeks after my open gallbladder surgery, so that took up some time.  Then we found out we were pregnant and that has taken up the rest up to now.  I haven't had time to wallow.  

But I still think that this forum will always be a "transition" for most people.  I stay because I like keeping up on everyone and everything in the world of RCC.  But most will get their information and then either forget about it or just leave.  And that's ok.  Everyone deals differently.  I think the negative sentiments have to do with the fear that a lot of new patients feel.  The issue is that they don't STAY on here and report the GOOD things once it's over... So I think 75% of the forum will ALWAYS be "HELP!" posts with little or no follow up.

- Jay

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 3183
Joined: Oct 2011

Good work with it all. Your last statements are 100% correct. You've seen alot here in the last year.

Jan4you's picture
Jan4you
Posts: 1322
Joined: Oct 2013

Oh Foxy, I see you have not lost your sex appeal, sense of humor and love of life!

I applaud you and your leadership here.

You've been on my mind of late and now HERE you are again, touching our hearts and challenging our attitudes.

Many blessings, much life and love in you life!

This is why I send you a loving HUG, my friend,

Jan

APny's picture
APny
Posts: 1949
Joined: Mar 2014

Fox, you always say the most articulate and wonderful things. You're not just my hero but role model. Maybe one day I could think like you.

Jason, what you said is so true. I agree completely. Especially with this:

“The issue is that they don't STAY on here and report the GOOD things once it's over... So I think 75% of the forum will ALWAYS be "HELP!" posts with little or no follow up.”

angec's picture
angec
Posts: 923
Joined: Mar 2012

A good read, Foxy! You always have something encouraging to share. Even when you thought you were history, you were encouraging.  Thanks for that! People on these boards need to hear positive things. They need to know that there are times when it looks like it might be the end, only to find out a new treatment is tried and working! Turning things around! There are many new treatments being found too. I think, soon there will be a cure for cancer.  I am not just saying that, it has already been done with some other types like brain and leukemia.  They are on the right track.  I am glad you enjoyed the Summer of Fox, can't wait to see how The Fall of Fox plays out.  Enjoy the warm days! ELF!

 

Angela

a_oaklee
Posts: 447
Joined: Nov 2013

Positivity....hmmm...let me think....my husband woke up to another day.  He is still able to walk.  Is feeling a little less pain.  We still have our house, but not for long.   Amen.

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 3183
Joined: Oct 2011

...So this guy goes to his doctor. The doctor tells him, " I've got some bad news and some worse news." First the bad news. "You've got cancer." The guy says,"Then what is the worst news?" His doctor tells him, "You've also got Alzheimers disease." The guy just sits there for a minute and says, "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"

APny's picture
APny
Posts: 1949
Joined: Mar 2014

LOL, I love black humor. That was good!

Allochka's picture
Allochka
Posts: 874
Joined: Nov 2014

Long live black hmor! Humor of any type prolongs life, I'm sure of it?

 

Oaklee, you sound bitter and most probably you have reasons to. Sometimes it is very hard to be positive. So sorry that you are struggling. Please don't be mad at us for fooling around... But sometimes we need to

rae_rae's picture
rae_rae
Posts: 300
Joined: Oct 2010

I still poke my head in every now and then. Oct will be five years since Timmy the tumor was evicted. I have been one of the fortunate ones with no recurrence. A close friend of mine just had a 10 cm tumor removed two weeks ago. I hope my experience helped make hers a bit easier and less to worry about. Life goes on. I have too much living to do to worry about the what if's. Since I came close to death due to sepsis last summer, I've realized we are all going to die of something, someday, so best to keep pushing forward and living, loving and laughing as much as I can!

Be happy,

Rae

a_oaklee
Posts: 447
Joined: Nov 2013

Not at all.  My husband and i both rejoice that he is still here and is able to walk.  Thats a big deal!!!!  He has spinal mets, and lots of hardware in his back.  I wasnt being sarcastic.  We are on the downside of stage 4, and simple things mean alot.  I think most people would take walking for granted, but with a side effect of paralysis with spinal mets its a wonderful day to be walking around!

aamdsi
Posts: 284
Joined: Apr 2014

Will have to share the joke with my husband...he is proibably the only one in my family to think it's funny.  We hae both lost family members to Alzheimers (his father last year). 

It does help to look around the other side of the mirror from time to time as see what lies there. 8-)

mrou50
Posts: 389
Joined: Mar 2013

So today is my birthday  I woke up thinking how many more is Cancer going to give me and I started to have a pity party.  Than I started getting all of these calls, and notes of facebook, and than I read your post Fox and I thought what the Hell he is right.  I than said hey Cancer didn't give me a birthday my mom and dad did and Cancer doesn't decide how many more I get, I do.  Life is great and turning 51 is awesome, life is a gift and I love the fact that I wake up every morning with the woman I love who is also my best friend, and that I have people that care. Thanks Fox for reminding me that Cancer is just a word and that my attitude is controlled by me an nothing else.  

 

Mark

Jan4you's picture
Jan4you
Posts: 1322
Joined: Oct 2013

Happy, Happy YOUR day Mark! Many more!!!!!

Your post was inspiring~

Hugs, Jan

Allochka's picture
Allochka
Posts: 874
Joined: Nov 2014

Happy birthday! :-)

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 1310
Joined: Oct 2013

Hey Foxy and group.

It is true....be grateful for and focus on our blessings. Our blessings are what get us through our rough patches. Good time to bring this up, Foxy....towards the end of the Summer of Fox....but on to the Autumn of Fox....the Year of Fox!

Sarah - so glad to hear about your VIP concert (so cool!) and that you felt confident to book a trip! And Happy Birthday Mark! (sorry a day late). Annie Oakley....so glad you are there for your husband and enjoying every moment. There is nothing better than sharing time with your loved ones. Allochka, your husband's news was so wonderful - and give baby Alice a kiss from me.

I just moved this week. I never want to move again!!! LOL. We downsized, and I am attached to sentimental things (mostly my parents' stuff) but I had to donate a lot of it hoping others can love them too. That was the hardest part, deciding what to part with. But in the end, it is just stuff.  My parents are with me in my heart, and I have a few reminders of them here. We have a cute little place here (and to those of you who have known me a while....will be happy to hear that my hubby is now only smoking outside!!) I am retiring in June and looking forward to being able to spend time with family and friends and hope to travel a bit too!

It has been Summer of Stress for me, unfortunately...put the house up for sale that I loved dearly, a tree in our backyard fell and crushed our gazebo, just after we sold the house, my hubby's ex-wife served him with papers (she saw our house was for sale and basically felt that she should be entitled to some equity - she self-represented so it cost her only filing costs to do that - just responding to it cost us $2K - and more to come) my workplace (school office) was being renovated and of course renos weren't done on time, so I had to scramble and unpack and try and find things as school is starting, couldn't find a house to move into (they are going like hotcakes here), and ended up finding one while my hubby was out of town for work and he only saw it 2 weeks before we moved in (luckily he likes it). I have been in a lot of pain all summer, and have been investigating it a bit, but not much showing so far (hoping to find time to go to the doctor again)...but wondering if it was stress causing it. But almost all the stressing factors in my life have sorted themselves out. Almost. Hahaha. And I can handle that! I still have a great life, and a terrific family and friends and live with the love of my life. Who can ask for more?

Sorry for the long post!

Hugs

Jojo

 

 

Allochka's picture
Allochka
Posts: 874
Joined: Nov 2014

thanks, Jojo, Alice is kissed ! :-) She smiles back :-)

You've had a lot on your plate this summer... In my life stresses  somehow also come in batches - all unpleasant things happen together.But the positive side is that after that comes much better (and longer ) period of good times. You are definitely heading into one.

You've mentioned in one of your posts that husband smokes in the house, and it upsets you. So congratulations on big positive change! It's a huge one! But his ex really is a b.... I wonder where such people come from?

And don't be upset about parting with favorite things - it is hard at first (we did the same recently), but later even the air in the house seems easier to breathe, more space, so you start to enjoy this liberating "cleaning". 

Sorry for your pain. Is it something unrelated to kidney? 

Jan4you's picture
Jan4you
Posts: 1322
Joined: Oct 2013

Oh dear, so sorry you have had such a rough time of it! Yes, I can appreciate how difficult it was to part with your parents treasures~

 

HUGS~

 

Glad your hubby finally quit smoking in the house. How'd ya do it?

Hope things improve and you feel much better soon.

Warmly, Jan

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 1310
Joined: Oct 2013

Thanks Allochka and Jan for your support and kind words. How did I get my hubby to quit smoking indoors? He was away on business. I had been painting the house and getting it ready to sell....I texted him and told him that when he gets back, all smoking will be outdoors. And he did! As simple as that! And I also told him that same thing goes with the new house. Badda bing, badda boom! Done!

Hugs

Jojo

mrou50
Posts: 389
Joined: Mar 2013

Thanks for the wishes

 

MattInVa
Posts: 50
Joined: Sep 2015

 

 

I was walking 2 miles afer 6 days from surgery

2 1/2 Weeks after my open radical neph I am out riding my motorcycle again. I have a long road and am not even in treatment for my mets yet but I feel a certain need for a return to some normal life.

 

Everone says "..oh take it easy". I don't, I won't, and I never have before. 

Its so very hard to empathize with a person uless you have been and walked in their shoes. I am guilty myself of such words...Oh it will work out...type lines also.

So I am just polite and go about my business doing as I feel comfortible with.

 

I really don't have the words to explain how I feel at times and it varies so much, like a roller coaster. Today I am anxious due to having scans the next couple of days. Yesterday was pretty good. I felt good, did some light work around my shop.

I sometimes imagine my life now is the same as being a fugitive on the run. I always have the cancer behind me, sometimes closer sometimes further, but always there.

I realize this is probably what many experience during these times.

 

Enough rambling I guess.

 

Thanks for listening,

Matt

.

 

Footstomper's picture
Footstomper
Posts: 1238
Joined: Dec 2014

Each day has its own gifts and challenges. The pneumonia I had last week was pretty interesting and now I have two greyhounds running round my house which is definately life threatening!

Let tomorrow come. It aint my business today

foroughsh's picture
foroughsh
Posts: 775
Joined: Oct 2014



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Fox,

Thanks for choosing this subject, it's been on my mind for so long that what if we share our good news here too!?, and now you've started this wonderful post.

Last year was very challenging for me. From last August that I was told about my cancer at very young age to this August I've experienced very different feelings. It was started with a big shock, endless crying, feel self pity and not hoping to see the next season. The distant from the diagnosis day, my best friend and this board helped me to become someone who has almost her strength back and gives hope to other cancer patients. At first my next follow up date was my deadline and I wasn't brave enough to plan for anything after that day but now I do plan for a backpack trip to our neighboring country in march which is after my next follow up, I hope that I'll have NED report and go to the trip but even if I don't, I'm sure I'll deal with it. I do still feel afraid sometimes but my inner voice keeps telling me that the future will be brighten.

First weeks after joining this board I was deadly terrified and hopeless so I spent hours and hours to find positive posts which I couldn't find a lot, I also looked at members' joined date to give myself hope that kidney cancer's patients can live for many years after diagnosis but most of members were recently joined and there were really few ones with long time membership who were active. That made me even more hopeless, it took me long time to understand that many members join because they are in need and when things are better and good news comes they don't log in to share the news with others so I decided to stay active, answer questions and send my NED reports to let the new ones know this tragedy could lead to a Hollywood happy ending story.( So far so good)

I'm very caring about my family, but since last year I spend more quality time with them and enjoy every moment of it a lot, My mom wasn't very good at computer and I did all her online activities for her but since last year I taught her how to use computer and she learned very well (and this feels good because I believe she won't be in need if I'm not around anymore) She even sometimes surprises me when I see how good she has learned.

I also registered a TRX class to help my body be more powerful and also take part in dance class with my hubby. I've always wanted to do these things but made myself busy at work so didn't have time earlier, after my diagnosis my priorities changed so now I have time to follow my old time dreams.

Now I'm reading and gathering information about Armenia, our neighboring country, to have our first backpack trip there with my hubby and visit all its historical and beautiful nature. Our previous trips were always managed by tours and it didn't fulfill my enthusiasm so I want to try this type of trip this spring. Meanwhile we go to short trips on weekends and sink ourselves into the nature and then when we come back into the city, we are both happier and more in love. I thank God for all and every second of my life and enjoy it; Although there are still some dark moments especially at nights when I wake up and unintentionally think about whatifs, I feel I've progressed over time.

I learned from fox that we must be fighters and learned from dijniee that we don't need to always win to be a real a hero/ine.

Good luck 

Forough

 

 

Allochka's picture
Allochka
Posts: 874
Joined: Nov 2014

Forough, it is so great that you are doing things you've always dreamed of! Somehow my partner and I haven't fully shifted into this new (and correct ) attitude yet.

You say Aarmenia is your neighboir country. May I ask what country are you from? Is it one of former Soviet Union  countries? I'm asking because I'm from former Soviet Union myself :-) Or are you from Turkey? Sorry for this curiosity :-)

donna_lee's picture
donna_lee
Posts: 901
Joined: Feb 2009

Living where we do, on a large bay with a mile long bridge, I cross the bridge at least twice a day.  Cormorants, a duck-like diving bird, roost or rest on the power line towers near the bridge.  The other day, a cormorant attempted to land on the concrete railing along the pedestrian walkway, missed the landing, and banged his chin on the walk.  Then tried to run to take off, again.  Diving birds are not designed to run on land and it reminded me of the movies about the albatross running over the wavetops trying to gain speed to soar.  But he tried and succeeded without getting run over by traffic.

Donna

foroughsh's picture
foroughsh
Posts: 775
Joined: Oct 2014

Sorry for delay, I think raising a beautiful daughter is a ful time job and fun . So it's going to be a very challenging wonderful experience, wish you and your luck. No, I'm not from former soviet union countries. I'm from Iran.

Forough

 

Positive_Mental_Attitude's picture
Positive_Mental...
Posts: 454
Joined: Jul 2014

I am a make lemonade out of lemons kind of person.  My long corny screen name  is evidence.   In one of my old fire stations, there was a saying that bad things happen in threes.  2014- Office destroyed by fire in January, a close friend dies from esophogael cancer at age 41 in March, and I get diagnosed with kidney cancer in April and surgery in July.  Bounced back nicely after the surgery, and thought, that was 3, and 2014 was a bad year in the scheme of life.

2015 was going to be much better.  It was rolling along nicely until I lost a major account for our business, and it will put the business under a tremendous amount of stress.  Maybe reality has not set in, but I have been more happy than usual, and I stroll into the office each day either singing or whistling or telling jokes.  I saw this loss of the account coming with a change in management, and when the news was delivered to me by telephone, the person told me that I seemed disinterested in retaining the account---I was a moment shy of replying--"What? I'm sorry, I wasn't really paying attention to wha you were saying." 

Nothing really brings me down any more.  Last year thickened my skin and my resolve to smile, laugh and love my way through adversity and bad news.  No sense in adding to the bad feelings when bad news comes around . . .

danbren2's picture
danbren2
Posts: 311
Joined: May 2013

Fox,

     You have made it possible to show everyone that life does truly go on! We are finally taking that step and saving and looking to buy our first home.  We have a camper (40' long with slideouts) and we have put all of our furniture in storage and have moved into the camper.  It's like being on vacation, except that we do get up to go to work everyday and the rent is very cheap!  Hopefully by this time next year we will be in our own home.  Oh and my cancer, I go for my brain MRI in November and the body CT scan in February, so far everything is good!

                              Prayers for good health!

                               Brenda

 

Allochka's picture
Allochka
Posts: 874
Joined: Nov 2014

Wish you to get a home of your dreams! I always wanted to travel in camper, but hadn't had the chance yet. Will definitely try one day :-)

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