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Digital Rectal Exam humor

hopeful and opt...
Posts: 2336
Joined: Apr 2009


I came across these comments that were made about colonoscopies, but I think several apply to the Digital Rectal Exam(finger wave).



On the subject of Colonoscopies... 
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous. A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male 
e) while he was performing their colonoscopies: 

1. Take it easy 
Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before. 

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?' 

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?' 

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?' 

5 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.' 

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?' 

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...' 

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!' 

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!' 

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.' 

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?' 

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay' 

And the best one 
of all: 
'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?' 

Old Salt
Posts: 822
Joined: Aug 2014

while taking the Forum up a few notches, IMHO.

Posts: 25
Joined: Jan 2016

During the procedure I was singing the Madonna song "just like a virgin for the very first time !"

Posts: 39
Joined: Jan 2012

# 13 really hit my "funny bone".  


Will Doran
Posts: 207
Joined: Sep 2015

These are Classic. 

In my situation, at this point, two years after surgery and treatments and hopefully being in remission with a PSA remainign at <0.010, the only DRE at get at this point is from a PA at Radiation Oncology.  Angie (yes, a woman) is always funny when we do the DRE, as she checks for any possible damage from 8 weeks of Radiation.  I always say--"Assume the Position".  Angie laughs.  I'll have to remember these and try some of them with her.  I especially like #13 as well.

Peace and God Bless

Best wishes to all

Will Doran

Posts: 305
Joined: Jan 2013


Interesting comments that you made regarding your DRE protocol with your Radiation Oncologist.  I recognize that this discussion post is for another topic, but I feel compelled to share a recent discovery with you.

I finished my radiation treatments in August 2013, and I've been having the same DRE checks by my Radiation Oncologist (also a woman) every 6 months since.  I saw my Urologist last week for an unrelated (hopefully) bleeding issue, and I told him about my current DRE protocol, as I had seen my Radiation Oncologist two weeks earlier for my DRE, and thought perhaps it was part of the cause of the bleeding.  His comment to that flat out shocked me.

He said, "That is a complete waste of time and your money.  With all of your interior body parts filling the void created by the removal of your prostate, it is virtually impossible to 'feel' anything in the prostate bed that may be the result of the previous radiation treatments, using a DRE.  By the time that you could feel something from a DRE that would be radiation treatment related, you would already be experiencing other symptoms earlier."

My Urologist is a Sr. Urologic Surgeon and Professor of Surgery with many years of experience at a top 5 cancer institute and a top college, and although his position and credentials do not automatically make his opinion gospel, it does cause one to pause and consider.

So, I thought that I would share this with you, for what it may be worth.

Good luck on your continued journey and great results.


Max Former Hodg...
Posts: 3701
Joined: May 2012

One I heard: "Doc, did you get your training at the conty jail ?"

Boy, this is some inside humor....sorry again, no pun intended.


OK, I'm gonna stop.

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