Yo-yo syndrome

foxhd
foxhd Member Posts: 3,181

Sometimes this forum just eats your guts out. We cheer for each other and when the yahoos are over, we cry for the rest of us. Then there is the purgatory of waiting for scan results. Emotions are pulled in every direction. What will it be today? Euphoria or depression? Long timers watch others come and go as the roller coaster ride proves too much for many rookies to cope with.

Then there is survivors guilt, or remorse. It is not "Why me? Why did I get cancer?" But "How come I'm still alive?" The ying and the yang of cancer. Or as Kelly Bundy would say, "The ping and the pong."

Anyway, keeping emotions in check is challenging. Even for us veterans who have been through alot.

Yesterday I recieved all my test results. Blood work excellent. Ct scans show soft tissue mets stable or smaller. MRI of full spine show there is no longer any epidural disease along my spinal cord.  The results are astonishing. I feel like I am getting off the floor after being hit by Rhonda Rousey. Completely stunned. I can't even cheer for myself. Yet. This will take a couple days to sink in. I was preparing to deal with new meds, more radiation, or whatever was needed to get me through this year. Like a chess game I was anticipating the next move before being taken down by a stronger player. I have not dodged a bullet but dodged a train.

How many times can I do this? It would have been so easy to just let go and expire in February. What I do know is that I'm not ready to go. I'm so glad that I haven't wasted my time worrying or waiting to die, but have worked hard to not just stay alive but to prosper. Now I will turn it up a notch. I can do better.

First, thank you all. Your support and faith in me sets a standard I will live up to. The "Poster Boy" is still going strong. Whether in prayers or karma, I've benefit from everyones encouragement, concern, and love. I need to include my health team at the Smilow Cancer Hospital (Yale/New Haven) for providing the medical care I needed. No one can do this alone. We do this together. There is strength in numbers. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. It is my hope to provide others with an example of what not giving up means. When that time comes and I have to let go, I'll know. I have learned from the toughest. Tex, Ron, DJ,Neal, Blkjak, Capt. Matt, Paula will be there to tell me when. Until then, LET'S PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!

FLY. Fox loves YOU!!

 

 

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Comments

  • Footstomper
    Footstomper Member Posts: 1,237
    poetry

    Ours is not to wonder why

    Ours is just to do or die

  • Srashedb
    Srashedb Member Posts: 482
    Great

    Fox:

    your test results are great; as we know, this disease is unpredictable and will follow strange and unique paths unlike other cancers.

    this can take out DJ or Neil; it can be aggressive and bring down Tex or it can be random and unexoectedly steal our Ron.

    it certainly sounds like you are a radiation responder; the radiation oncologist told us that some respond poorly and some fully. 

    These last few weeks have been down ones with the loss of people we were rooting for; that makes your news even sweeter.

    i guess you will have to make plans for longer than the summer of Fox

    Sarah

     

  • I am alive
    I am alive Member Posts: 315
    I love you, Fox

    Pretty funny retort, Footstomper. Hear me chucking?

  • APny
    APny Member Posts: 1,995 Member

    I love you, Fox

    Pretty funny retort, Footstomper. Hear me chucking?

    So well said, Fox. And I’m

    So well said, Fox. And I’m thrilled for your amazing results. It’s so nice to read good news.

  • I am alive
    I am alive Member Posts: 315
    Oops

    That should have been "chuckling," not "chucking"

  • Allochka
    Allochka Member Posts: 993 Member

    Oops

    That should have been "chuckling," not "chucking"

    These results give hope to

    These results give hope to everyone. And hope, together with sense of humor, is one of the greatest weapons in this war we or our loved ones are fighting.

    Fox, you are amazing! F...k Stage 4. I hate this disease, hate it because the man I love had it, hate it because wonderful people have passed recently, hate it because future will contain scanxiety, "what if" thoughts and some fear forever. 

    So thank you very much for fighting hard and winning this hated disease... We all need these good news!

  • Jan4you
    Jan4you Member Posts: 1,330 Member
    Allochka said:

    These results give hope to

    These results give hope to everyone. And hope, together with sense of humor, is one of the greatest weapons in this war we or our loved ones are fighting.

    Fox, you are amazing! F...k Stage 4. I hate this disease, hate it because the man I love had it, hate it because wonderful people have passed recently, hate it because future will contain scanxiety, "what if" thoughts and some fear forever. 

    So thank you very much for fighting hard and winning this hated disease... We all need these good news!

    YAAAYYY FOXY DEAR!!!
     
    Don't

    YAAAYYY FOXY DEAR!!!

     

    Don't know if you believe, but obviously you are here for a reason..

    and its not just to continue treatment and to fight cancer..

    there's more..

    then more...

    Oh how I remember how low you sank some months ago.

    I, for one, AM SO GLAD YOU ARE HERE!!

    Sending you tons of HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Jan

  • jason.2835
    jason.2835 Member Posts: 337 Member
    Excellent!!!

    Fox,

    I think a BIG part of the equation has to be the PERSON behind the fight... Your determination, your WILL to LIVE cannot be extinguished.  And I'm not just talking about being alive, but about ACTUALLY LIVING, man... You keep it positive and draw positive energy to you.  Don't discount that.  This is insanely good news.  Sounds like you'll be giving us advice for a very long time.  

    - Jay 

  • Skagway Jack
    Skagway Jack Member Posts: 224

    Excellent!!!

    Fox,

    I think a BIG part of the equation has to be the PERSON behind the fight... Your determination, your WILL to LIVE cannot be extinguished.  And I'm not just talking about being alive, but about ACTUALLY LIVING, man... You keep it positive and draw positive energy to you.  Don't discount that.  This is insanely good news.  Sounds like you'll be giving us advice for a very long time.  

    - Jay 

    Could not have said it better!

    Jason,  Well said!  Good on ya Fox.  As I have said before, you the man!

     

    Jack

  • angec
    angec Member Posts: 924
    I always get excited when I

    I always get excited when I see a new post from our foxy!  Good or bad, you always express the ups and downs so eloquently! Darn, I love the news you gave us today!  Keep on kicking it to the curb, ain't got no time for nothing but riding, playing and drinking beer!  You Da Man! We sure love you too!  ELF - Everyone Loves Fox!

     

    Angela

  • Phredswife
    Phredswife Member Posts: 162
    Yay!

    Yay . Awesome news! Keep up the good work. We all need you!SmileSmile. Hugs

  • Outstanding!  Foxy, we have

    Outstanding!  Foxy, we have never met, but I feel like I know you better than some of my lifetime friends.  I was out on my morning mountain bike ride, where a lot of thoughts float through my head, and this morning, I was laughing with the mantra "Foxy loves you" in my mind.  I don't know why it was there.  I have gotten myself into the best shape I have been in over 10 years, and I guess I think about you and your situation, and mine, which is laughable compared to yours.  But last year was a kick to the floor and a wake up call for me, and I hope that NED is my best friend for life.  You are a tremendous inspiration, and I am glad to "know" you.  Congratulations on the great results. 

  • firedude21
    firedude21 Member Posts: 52
    Congrats

    I'm so happy for you. Keep up the good fight. 

  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181

    Congrats

    I'm so happy for you. Keep up the good fight. 

    thanks everyone

    "What a long ,...strange trip it's been..."

    By the way, I have a little extra karma to spread around. Just reach out a grab some. The supply seems to exceed the demand and is self replenishing.

  • sblairc
    sblairc Member Posts: 585
    Yes!!

    Summer of Fox indeed. Pizza and beer all around. 

  • Jojo61
    Jojo61 Member Posts: 1,309 Member
    More champagne!! (or beer!)

    Break out the champagne! Let's celebrate the TERRIFIC news that our dear Foxy has just shared.

    Indeed this is a family, and only our members can understand the impact that everyone's good news - and sad news, has on us. It is amazing how attached I feel to all of you. I am still reeling from the two most recent losses, as well as our former losses. But for now, we celebrate the good news of our Foxy who has done so well in this, The Summer of Fox.

    Fox, you are such an inspiration to us all - more than words can say. I am honoured to be part of such a loving and supportive group.

    CHEERS!

    Hugs,

    Jojo

  • Dave418
    Dave418 Member Posts: 95
    Wow!! Fox, you are so tough!

    Wow!! Fox, you are so tough!  Very happy that you results are so good. Keep going and keep on giving everyone here hope. 

    The lasts weeks were the darkest on this forum since I joined about a year ago, you just reopen the lights!

    Dave

  • Shecka1121
    Shecka1121 Member Posts: 116 Member
    Dave418 said:

    Wow!! Fox, you are so tough!

    Wow!! Fox, you are so tough!  Very happy that you results are so good. Keep going and keep on giving everyone here hope. 

    The lasts weeks were the darkest on this forum since I joined about a year ago, you just reopen the lights!

    Dave

    As a recent member I do not

    As a recent member I do not have all the history as some, but I sure learned early on that Fox was a strong support for many and when I read this I was so happy for him and the hope that it gives many people on this site.

    Great news!

  • BDS
    BDS Member Posts: 172
    L'Chaim!

    Congratulations on your latest scan results, I am thrilled to hear that your health is improving. As I tell my co-workers “Every day I am on this side of the dirt is a good day!”  Fox, enjoy the rest of your summer. You and your wife should find a nice restaurant that overlooks a beautiful New England lake and order a beer and pizza with extra toppings.   To your improving health – Take care - BDS    

     

  • mrou50
    mrou50 Member Posts: 389
    Inspiration

    As always Fox well put, you are an inspiration keep up the great reports.  The ups and downs are difficult I agree I stayed away from the site for a few days after Neil and Djinny's sad news I just felt like I could not take anymore for a while, but you news once again inspires me and reminds it is way to soon to give up now.