my husband is dying...

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fuchsiasky
fuchsiasky Member Posts: 3
in Caregivers #1

Hi,

My name is Fuchsia and I am caregiver to Rob. Rob has stage four chondrosarcoma that started in his thigh bone two years ago.  He had surgery and was clear. But a year later it metasticised to his lungs. There was never any medical hope. Doing chemo was a longshot but he did it. It gave us more time but now that's done. There are no more treatment options. His life is measured in months most likely. 

 

I am devastaed. As are his son and daughter.  And the small daughter we have together. And so is he. He is terrified. And so sad. he is only 44. He shouldn't have to go so early. 

 

I am so lost. I am not ready to be a widow or a single mom. I have so many huge emotions I don't even how to function sometimes. And tomorrow I need to go to work. I hope it will ground me a bit. 

 

Thank you for reading my ramblings. I needed to tell someone. 

 

Fuchsia

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  • Ladylacy
    Ladylacy Member Posts: 773 Member
    #2
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    Your husband

    I am so sorry to hear about your husband.  I am going thru the same thing too.  My husband was diagnosed with laryngeal cancer 5 years ago, and after radiation, chemo and surgery was doing well.  A year later he was diagnosed with a secondary primary at the cervical of his esophagus (which is rare).  Surgery was ruled out and he underwent more radiation and chemo and was clear for about 6 months when they found it had returned at the cervical of his esophagus and spread to his right lung.  He declined all further treatment.  Only thing offered was chemo and we were told it wouldn't cure only prolong and possibly hasten his death.  That was 2 1/2 years ago.  He was doing great until about 5 months ago when he started going downhill and now is in the process of dying.  It is hard to watch.  The only difference is that my husband is a lot older than yours and our children are grown with children and grandchildren of their own.  

    Take care of yourself too because you are important too.  There are days when I just scream and cry and say it is not fair for someone to have to suffer so much.  My husband has been on in-home hospice since September 2013 and they are great.  We have great nurses that visit, there are social workers to talk to you and chaplains.  Many people think hospice is only for those that are dying now but that's not true.  In-patient hospice is only for those that have 6 months.  My husband doesn't want to go in-patient and now our nurses are suggesting it.  None of our doctors gave us any time period he has left -- that is only the man upstairs' decision, I think and we are not that religious but just something we believe.  But my husband has outlived the survival rates for his second primary so you can't always go by what the doctors say.  

    I am scared too.  My doctor has given me something to help my nerves and my husband is on anxiety medication because he is scared too.  It is not easy that's for sure so be sure you make time for yourself and your daughter.

    Wishing you and your husband peace and comfort -- Sharon

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