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A bit of humour

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

I saw this on Facebook today. Her cards are great! I wish someone had given me one when I was in the hospital.

http://emilymcdowell.com/collections/empathy-cards

I'd like one that says "I'll never tell you I know what you're going through because I had minor surgery last year and can relate". I'm still stunned at people who will tell me about some simple surgery they had and tell me they know what I'm going through. I feel like saying "Really? You had cancer and had a big tumour removed and then were in the hospital twice because of an infection and then had another infection in the incision and then had chemo which was horrible and then had a blood clot, five cardiac arrests, a stroke, catastrophic brain bleed and kidney failure and your doctor tried to talk your family into not reviving you because he thought you were brain dead and then had to relearn everything from brushing your teeth to standing after you woke up from your coma?"

Because then they'd know what I went through. Yes, it makes me bitter and I feel like they're trying to diminish what I've been through. No tonsillectomy, broken ankle, or hernia operation compares, sorry. Why do people do this? One of them was there for most of the time I was in a coma so she knows. She saw me in a diaper unable to move more than my hands or turn my head. Am I right to be angry with these people? I'm finding it very hard to just smile and nod. Geez, I almost died several times. Two ICU doctors said I'd had a miracle and one said there was no medical explanation for me still being alive.

Sorry, I got totally off track there. It happened again the other day and I just wanted to scream.

Jan

danker
Posts: 1256
Joined: Apr 2012

Glad that you are alive having survived your ordeal. Good luck to you!

Steve444
Posts: 105
Joined: Sep 2014

I saw an article referencing these cards today and was thinking of posting a link as well.  Some are funny, some are true, some are sad.

Phil64's picture
Phil64
Posts: 835
Joined: Apr 2012

Wow Jan. you have been through a lot! I thought I had a tough road but nothing compared to the bumps in your path. I think some people simply don't know what to say???  And they try to relate but obviously they are ignorant of the stuff that you have endured. 

Wishing you peace and underatanding. 

Phil S.

NewHere's picture
NewHere
Posts: 1205
Joined: Feb 2015

I had not seen those before, liked the one chemo down one.   

I think the one about people not knowing what to say is spot on.  People are trying to relate and help, but do not know how to.  I have not gone through anything near what you, or others went through, so my offering advice, to me, sometimes feels like I am acting like someone who cannot relate properly.  For someone who has not gone through the cancer maze, it has to be more awkward.  

That being said, you are entitled to get p__sed off.  You have been through hell and back.  And sometimes the platitudes and sayings are the exact things to trigger a response.  

Anyway, scream away as much as you want,  don't beat yourself up for having the emotions.  I am trying to recognize when I have those moments and dial them back for myself, because I do not like being in "that place" or the "down place" for long.  

 

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5221
Joined: Jan 2013

I do call it a journey, and thus, don't get upset when others call it a journey. 

Some cute cards there. 

Sue - Trubrit

Easyflip's picture
Easyflip
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2013

you are a medical miracle and one tough cookie! Don't sweat those that don't get it, you don't need the stress. Be a no drama mama for a while and just do things you love. You deserve it after what you've been through!

Easyflip/Richard

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Thank you everyone. I've been feeling like kind of a jerk for feeling as I do and have managed to avoid offending anyone. I have to remind myself that they're not really trying to downplay what I went through, they're just trying to find common ground even if there really isn't any. And I don't think they can even begin to imagine how hard it's been and who would want to really know? I don't even like thinking about it now.

I hope you enjoyed the cards, that was my intent when I posted, not whining about people who annoy me.

Jan

John212's picture
John212
Posts: 116
Joined: Jan 2015

I've said more than once that humor is what kept me from going bonkers after surgery and during treatment. A little kindness for others helped, too.

About a month after my surgery and before chemo started, I went out to a large meeting with dozens of people I know. Most of them knew about my diagnosis and practically everyone who stopped to chat with me offered up some version of "I know what you're going through." By the end of the afternoon I was waiting for someone to come up to me and tell me about the time their great aunt's bunions got breast cancer. They mean well, most of them, but we have crossed over into a different plane of existence and their experiences don't translate well across that divide.

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