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Nervous, scared - should not have read my reports

RMolinaro414's picture
RMolinaro414
Posts: 43
Joined: Sep 2014

Tomorrow is my follow-up wtih Dr. Molina. I'm praying for a positive report, but after reading my old radiology reports I'm not so sure.

The biggest liver leson did grow from the time of my CT scan to the follow-up MRI. From what I understand growth is not good. In addtion, the radilogy recommendation is metastasis must be suspected. Now, I know my old hospital wasn't the greatest and I need Dr. Molina to confirm, but I cannot seem to control my anxiety today. I've been so sick to my stomach, freezing cold, crying at both happy and sad things and exhauste but can't sleep. To be told in Sept that "We got it all - stage 1"to this has been a roller coaster ride from hell. I actually had my MIL come take the kids today because I needed to get my head on straight. Thanks for listening.

 

 

Allochka's picture
Allochka
Posts: 887
Joined: Nov 2014

Please try to hold on! I fully understand your feelings - the more I re-read my fiances reports, the more I start to worry about other benign issues mentioned there. I start googling them, find info that malignant issues could be mixed up with these benign things, of course I get convinced that in our case radiologists made mistake and these issues are not benign but cancer related. So I get sick with worry, just like you describe...

I even requested a second opinion from very experienced radiologist on fiances scans. so I now have 2 radiologists thinking that everything is Ok. Do I believe them? of course not :-). This is the terrible nature of cancer - it brings fear.

Concerning your situation- I've got an advice from one radiologist I'd like to share. Your first scan was CT, second, which mentioned possible growth - was MRI, completely different modality. it is not quite correct to compare sizes measured by different modalities, from what I understood from this radiologist. Different machines, different angles to measure smth, different specialists reading the scans... it is absolutely possible that the lesion hasn't grown at all - just measured differently now.  the most correct way to follow up a CT scan would be to use CT again.

Also, in your previous posts you've said MRI was of bad quality. So it would be hard to judge what this lesion is and how big it is.

I know that it will be impossible for you to calm down now. But your visit to oncologist you trust is very soon - tomorrow. Let's see what she says. Metastases for Stage 1 are a very rare thing. Even if encountered, they would appear in the lungs most probably, not liver. Benign liver lesions like cysts or hemangiomas are very common. My fiance appeared to have couple of cysts, not mentioned on first CT scan, but found later on ultrasound. i thought these are new mets too, drove myself crazy. No, just cysts...

You can also consider getting a second opinion on your scans. There ar services online, where you can upload your scans and check them with experienced radilologists from all over the world for reasonable price....

So to sum up - Stage 1 mets are rare; not quite correct to compare CT with MRI ( especially of bad quality), benign liver lesions are common.  Odds are that everything is fine.

Hugs to you, please let us know what your doctor thinks.

Alla

APny's picture
APny
Posts: 1965
Joined: Mar 2014

In your other thread you said Dr. Molina ordered new scans. What scans were they and are those the ones you're talking about? Which scan suggested the possiblity of liver mets? I agree with Allochka, do not compare different tests. Even the same test done in two different facilities can vary due to equipment, radiologist, etc. So as difficult as it is, try to hold on until you see Dr. Molina. It would be very unusual that a stage 1 cancer metastesized to your liver. If you have any antianxiety meds, now is the time to take one. They're life savers around scan time. And if you don't have any, it wouldn't hurt to ask for a mild prescription to see you through these times.

RMolinaro414's picture
RMolinaro414
Posts: 43
Joined: Sep 2014

These are all my old scans. The new CT was done Saturday and I will get those results tomorrow. I held off reading them for so long since there isn't any possible way I could truly understand them. Last night I broke down and read them. The anxiety is out of control. I never felt like this.

Allochka's picture
Allochka
Posts: 887
Joined: Nov 2014

Apny had a great advise about anxiety pills. Take some and try to find some piece of mind in the fact ghat you'll get clarity already tomorrow. It is very soon, just hold on!

I wish I could help more, because I know that feeling....

APny's picture
APny
Posts: 1965
Joined: Mar 2014

Radiology will naturally cover their behind and suggest that mets be considered when someone had cancer. That doesn’t mean it is. As soon as you have cancer, every single growth is going to be looked at in a different light. I had an ovarian cyst show up on one of my CT scans and they immediately sent me to have an US done to rule out cancer. I was a nervous wreck. Every report still recommends monitoring and follow up scans even though it’s a simple cyst. Same with a small sub-centimeter “lesion” on my operated on kidney. Oncologist at Sloan dismissed it as nothing to worry about but the report recommended follow up and monitoring. They treat everything differently once you’ve had cancer. Please try to hang in there for one more day. I really don’t think it’s a liver met; not with stage 1 RCC. And do ask Molina for something to take for the anxiety. It really does help.

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 1310
Joined: Oct 2013

I certainly can understand the anxiety and fear you are going through. Hang on....just one more day and hopefully you will know what the story is.

I agree with Apny....it could be all in how they are looking at your scans. Take some deep breaths and make sure you take someone with you tomorrow who can support you and also listen to all the information.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Keep us posted!!

Hugs

Jojo

brea588's picture
brea588
Posts: 240
Joined: Jul 2012

Hopefully when you see Doc tomorrow he can calm your fears and the news want be as bad as it seems to be.  Will be praying for you.

RMolinaro414's picture
RMolinaro414
Posts: 43
Joined: Sep 2014

I appreciate all the well wishes so much. I've had the chills all day. I cannot shake them. Hopefully that goes away in the morning. Here's hoping I can get a little bit of sleep. Thank you again. I would be lost without this group. I love Smart Patients for the medical info and all of that, but the support from here is what gets me through the dark days xoxo

APny's picture
APny
Posts: 1965
Joined: Mar 2014

We'll be with you in thought and please let us know what she said. Wishing you the best!

RMolinaro414's picture
RMolinaro414
Posts: 43
Joined: Sep 2014

So here I am again with no "real" answers. There are for sure two liver lesions as demonstrated on my CT scan ordered by Dr. Molina. However, the radiology team said they cannot be clearly defined so I went for a follow-up MRI this morning. If that doesn't not clearly show them then its off for a liver bioposy. HOWEVER, Dr. Molina did calm me down a LOT! She said at this point there is nothing to worry about. I am too leave the office beliving all is well. We will worry when given reason too and at this time she said she is not giving me reason. She does not think it is anything, but will check everything off the list until she knows for sure. There is not one spot anywhere else so she said that should make me feel better. She said a majority of METS first show in the lungs and that singular liver mets are very uncommon. Here's hoping. I'm going to Disney the firsrt week of May and then she and I will see each other again on the 13th to see what my nexts steps will be. She said hopefully it will be just an appointment making session. She is GREAT at calming nerves. She did give me a script for Xanaz b/c three weeks is a very long time and she needs to be to enjoy my Mother's Day trip to Disney. Although I don't have an answer still I do feel VERY confident tha t no matter what happens Dr. Molina will figure it out.  Thanks again for all the support xoxo

Allochka's picture
Allochka
Posts: 887
Joined: Nov 2014

Great that doctor is not worried, this means it is most probably nothing. And great you feel better too. 

If liver biopsy will be needed  - do not sweat over it, ig is piece of cake. My fiance just had one done 3 weeks ago to assess damage done by his hepatitis C (no damage, hurrah :-))

so all in all you've had good news! Cool!

APny's picture
APny
Posts: 1965
Joined: Mar 2014

She sounds like a wonderful doctor and I'm glad she calmed your fears. If she's not worried then there's a good chance there's nothing to worry about. Should anxiety rear its ugly head just take the Xanax. It did (and still does) wonders for me. It takes the "edge" off but doesn't zonk you out or anything. My doctor calls it "pixie dust", that's how mild it is.

RMolinaro414's picture
RMolinaro414
Posts: 43
Joined: Sep 2014

Dr. Molina is amazing. I feel so comfortable with her. I told her after this was said and done I want to take her for drinks. She laughed, but that's how I feel about her. I could easily see us being friends. Soft spoken, non-alarmist and a true professional. I feel like I hit the doctor jackpot.

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 1310
Joined: Oct 2013

Your doctor sounds like a gem. I hope you can manage to not worry too much until you know the final results. Enjoy your family trip to Disney, beautiful lady!

Hugs

Jojo

Footstomper's picture
Footstomper
Posts: 1238
Joined: Dec 2014

It sounds like you have a great doctor. As for all the rest, well what can you do about it? If there is something you can do, then do it. If its outside your control then screw it! Maybe easier said than done, but its really just a vulgar rendition of the serenity prayer. Someone might know the original. Basically, dont Fret it!

RMolinaro414's picture
RMolinaro414
Posts: 43
Joined: Sep 2014

Time to CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dr.Molina just called because she knew I was patiently waiting on today's results and stressing. The lesion has been there since July (my baseline scans!), no growth and everything looks good!!!!!! They will keep watch, but its nothing to worry about!!!!!!! In two months they will check again, but with NO growth she said its nothing to be worried about at all. Bioposy cancelled. Follow-up in 3 weeks cancelled. All is GREAT! She made sure to get a wet read so I would be able to sleep tonight. I had no idea she was going to that. Everything my original hospital told me was flase. My new radiology team read ALL of my scans from July to now and should with 100% certainy that the lesion was in fact there, same size without any question. She assured me an entire team looked at the scans so I can be confident everything was agreed upon. I feel like I'm dreaming. I cannot belive how off base my old hospital was. UNREAL. It pays to go get a second opinion for SURE. Be your own advocate!

sblairc's picture
sblairc
Posts: 586
Joined: Feb 2014

YES!!! That is amazing. I am so unbelievably happy for you. Just one question: Can I have your Xanax? :)

Hope these great results bode well For Jojo and my hubby. It's a good sign!!

RMolinaro414's picture
RMolinaro414
Posts: 43
Joined: Sep 2014

JoJo and your husband will OWN their scans I can feel it in my bones. I cannot wait to get back to being the crazy Mommy my kids know and love. I've been a shell of myself these last few weeks. I cannot believe she called me from home. I am so happy I could do backflips down the street!

Footstomper's picture
Footstomper
Posts: 1238
Joined: Dec 2014

We all know that relief. Enjoy!

Jan4you's picture
Jan4you
Posts: 1322
Joined: Oct 2013

WOW~!!!! Glad you were given some actually news that is factural and reassuring!!

You do have a wonderful doc!

Now what have you learned from his anxiety ridden experience?

What can you control, what can't you ?

Easier said than done. I know, I know.

That is why I personaly use the Serenity prayer. Do you know it?

(GOD) Grant me the serenity to control the things I can

Accept the things I cannot,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Repeat it over and over until a peace comes over you.

And let others pray/connect as well. You did well letitng us  in on the basis of your anxiety

so we could conntect back and help support you too.

Sending you gentle hugs of the congratuatory kind!!

Jan

Allochka's picture
Allochka
Posts: 887
Joined: Nov 2014

So happy for you !!!

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 1310
Joined: Oct 2013

Fabulous news! We are celebrating along with you!

Hugs

Jojo

APny's picture
APny
Posts: 1965
Joined: Mar 2014

Wonderful news and very happy for you! Dr. Molina is a true gem.

foroughsh's picture
foroughsh
Posts: 775
Joined: Oct 2014

I know how wonderful it feels to have such good news after days of nervousness. Congratulations on news. Enjoy your mother's day

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