Approaching one year.

I lost the first person who ever loved me who was my closest friend nearly one year ago today, just seven days after my birthday. I didn't know that after seven years of fighting and remission that I was going to lose my mum the weekend we did, and I struggle to come to terms with what I learned in the days after she died, that she felt lonely and unhelpful and burdensome, and never told me so. I feel so sad and vulnerable that a woman who made me such an ardent feminist, a woman who took on a second job after her second diagnosis and never let on  to me that she was on hospice in order to protect me the week before she died (I had to find out from a third party as I was and am still at college at the moment), I have been struggling more so these last few days with the hurt and the grief from losing so important and valuable a friend. I don't think it's strange to feel so emotional so close to the year mark, but I suppose that I simply want to know that I'm not alone. 


  • GoldSnitch
    GoldSnitch Member Posts: 13
    It's so hard

    I don't know exactly what you're feeling but I, too, felt terrible at the one year mark. I lost my father 17 months ago and the pain feels more intense now than it did when he passed. He was my best friend and closest confidante. Grief is such a consuming weight to carry. I hope you find peace soon.

  • socrossedup
    socrossedup Member Posts: 10
    You are definitely not alone...

    My sympathies to you and your family for your Mom. It doesn't help much, but it's there. 


    Tomorrow will be the 6 week mark for losing my Mom and I'm still trying to reconcile my feelings for everything. Finding out all these details after she's gone is something I totally get...I've discovered more about my Mom in the last 6 weeks than in most of my life. How she put a brave face on as she got closer to dying to spare me the stress and pain, how she only had good things to tell our family about her health even after the doctor told her six months and it turned out to be 9 days, how hard it was for her to get through days and not talk to anyone....


    Everyone has told me it will get better with time, and a year is so little in the space of things. I admire the people who seem to have everything together, because I do not. I am a walking, talking, laughing, crying mess. I hope you can smile on the anniversary by thinking of something about her that made you happy. It's what is getting me through day by day and it helps to lessen the pain.