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dad past away from small cell lung cancer

tasha7901
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2015

I don't know where to even start. My dad was diagnosed in August of 2013 stage one small cell lung cancer. He did the chemotherapy. First rounds of the chemotherapy didn't help. So doctors recommended a chemo that is used for ovarian cancer. He started the new chemotherapy in march 2014. Where he had to get that chemo was close to where I lived. So I would meet up with him while he got treatment. I am a daddy's girl and watching my dad battle something I couldn't help him with except to let him know I am here for him, it was hard to handle that. Cancer makes you feel very helpless when your loved one has it. My dads 60th birthday was approaching in June. I planned a surprise party for him. I hired a photographer to take pictures and I am so glad I did that. My dad looked so healthy and good on his birthday. 2weeks later he came to my home for me to wait with my mom while they did a scan. When my dad walked into my door, I wanted to bawl. I could see the drastic change in my dad in his two weeks. He continued chemo, and was having to get blood transfusions. Got his results and it had spread to his liver and his bones. And he did chemotherapy up until the end up June. It got to the point where his body couldn't handle the chemo,and they was giving him protein. And then his body couldn't handle that anymore. He then made the decision to stop everything. Hospice came in and he was doing okay, they had scheduled to see him once a week cause he was doing alright without the chemo, and protein. On July 2nd, I came into town and stayed the week\weekend with my parents,and wanted my twins to spend time with my dad. He asked my mom to sleep in the hospital bed with him. I kept waking up in the middle of night to check on them,my mom has heart health issues. They both slept through the night. When they got up, I told mom dad didn't get up to go to the bathroom. Dad got up, and my dad couldn't hardly stand. What in the world happen from yesterday I was thinking. He couldn't pee. So hospice came and hooked a cath to him. He couldn't swallow his medicine anymore. So, hospice gave the liquid morphine. My mom put the cream on his hips and had me give him his morphine. That was one of the hardest things I've done, cause I knew what it was gonna mean. That was on July 5th. I told him I love him every chance I got, I played music for him. My brother and his family lives in Colorado. So I had him record the kids talking to paw paw and played it for him. On July 7th when I woke up he was having a hard time breathing. He had that rattle. Hospice increased his morphine. I remember standing at the foot of his bed and rubbing his feet. He was talking to me with his eyes. The clock hit one. I went to go get his medicine. I had my back turned to others in the room while I was getting the dose. My aunt later told me his breathing had already started to taper off. She advised others not to let me know, and allow me to continue to what I was doing. As I gave it to him I noticed it wasn't like before, it wasn't staying inside his mouth. I got it to stay and rubbed his face like the nurses told me to. I didn't even have time to put step away and wash the syringe. My dad took his last breath, I lost it. I placed my hand on his chest and could feel his heart, and it was beating slower and slower. I was in a fog and couldn't find anything. I lost my dad, the strongest man I know is gone. I don't know how to handle these emotions or what to do with them. I am still in denial. I moved my family in with my mom cause of her health issues to make sure I didn't lose her to. Losing a parent is not something that can be explained in words with the pain and emotions you go through. I miss him so much. My dad would call me twenty times a day, and I miss that. I miss my dads hugs. As a daughter theirs something special about the arms of our dad. My dad had planned everything for his funeral. The only thing my mom had to do was decide times and days. He wrote his own obituary. When mom got the folder out for life insurance, my dad had wrote " everything you need is in here I love you" . He picked songs out for me,mom, and my brother. He was conflicted with two songs for me. One more day and my little girl. I listen to them and feel my dad next to me.

Kathy G.'s picture
Kathy G.
Posts: 210
Joined: Dec 2012

Hi Tasha!

I was scanning the lung cancer board b/c our 34 yo son just got diagnosed. I had uterine cancer, and am 2 years out.

I wanted to respond to your post and offer my condolences. I could feel your pain at the loss of your dad in every word you wrote. I was also a daddy's girl which made it so hard when my dad passed. I can relate to how you feel. I know exactly what you meant about talking to him with your eyes. My dad and I could do that even before he got sick.

It may sound strange, but hold tight to everything you experienced with him the past several weeks despite how sick he was becoming, and how scared you were. I think I was closest to my dad the worse he got. Our connection and love was so strong during that time, and I like to believe he felt my love and presence even after he slipped into a coma and when he passed. It was a devastating, but special time.

He has been gone almost 12 years now and I miss him everyday. My mom passed 5 years after him. It is true what they say about appreciating your parents while they are here because there is a feeling of really being on your own once they are gone. No one to know, love and protect you like they did. My dad used to call me when I was well into my 40's to advise me of bad storms on the way and to do this and that, and it used to irritate me as much as amuse me. Now I'd do anything to get those calls again.

Take your time getting thru this. It will surely be one of the most heartbreaking times of your life.

 

Prayers!

Kathy

tasha7901
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2015

Thank you so much for your kind words. As I read I can relate so much. During the last few days of his life, he would eat jello, and I made his favorite banana pudding. When my mom tried to feed him, he told her she was fired, and each time I fed him I felt a sense of closeness I can't explain. My dad would call me about storms as well, along with rain,snow etc. My twins are 14, and he would call and want to talk to his babies, dad they are not babies anymore. But to him, they was his babies. Some people don't realize what they have when they have both of their parents still here. They are lucky and blessed. I am extremely thankfull that I have my mom. And I am so very sorry for the loss of your parents. And may god walk with you and your family during the future and what it will hold.

jim and i's picture
jim and i
Posts: 1788
Joined: May 2011

So sorry for your loss. I have never been close to my dad. My parents divorced when I was in 3rd grade and I hardly saw him growing up. My mother, however, is my best friend. She has been diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer and I can't imagine losing her. I lost my husband 11 months ago to tongue cancer that had spread to his lungs so I know how horrible it is to see them decline before your eyes. Every one of us experiences loss and cancer differently and handles that loss in our own way. I hope you and your mom are taking advantage of the Hospice grief counselor as they can offer an unbiased ear to listen. I pray for you and your family to find peace and comfort.

Debbie

Bluejay83
Posts: 4
Joined: Sep 2015

May i ask where he recieved his treatment

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