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Holding On

virtual_voyager
Posts: 37
Joined: Jun 2010

I can't let go.  I tell myself all the things I already know and repeat the advice and words of encouragement offered by friends and family.  I try to socialize and visit outside my home.

But everytime I do and then come home thoughts of her overwhelm my mind.  I feel like a ballon when the air is released all at once.  How do you get off a roller coaster ride that doesn't end.

 

 

Redjl86
Posts: 5
Joined: Mar 2015

It takes time.  You should never feel like you are not getting over the death of your loved one fast enough. I still find myself thinking of my aunt from time to time and getting very emotional. You can't talk to that person and laugh with them the way you used to, so it takes a lot of adjustment.  Keep staying busy, get out of the house, spend time making memories with family and friends. It will help. I pray a lot for strength. I read my bible daily, that helps me. When I am feeling depressed thinking of her, I reflect on God's promises of a resurrection (Acts 24:15) and his promise that we will, after being resurrected, live forever in perfect conditions (Revelation 21:3,4). I just look forward to the time when I will see her again. Hopefully those scripture will give you some comfort.

socrossedup
Posts: 10
Joined: Feb 2015

I understand completely how you feel. Everyone tells me to get out of the house and that it will get better. But I've found that when I go out I want to go right back home. I don't want to be bombarded with sadness at every turn. So what works for me is walking. Whether it's in a grocery store or around the block or just being somewhere where there is noise. 

It's overwhelming. It's hard. In my entire life I've never had such a difficult time adjusting and it won't end anytime soon. By my Mom always said to take one day at a time. To do one thing in the day that makes you happy-whether it's just sitting and drinking a cup of tea or coffee or calling a friend or attempting arts and crafts...try something to get you out of your head. Where all your focus is on something else and you can't be swamped in feelings. Even for only just a little bit, I swear it's helping me. 

Hondo's picture
Hondo
Posts: 6643
Joined: Apr 2009

Sad to say but there is no getting off until you die. I been fighting this cancer for almost 14 years and every time we think we got it licked we find something new. I been so worried for my caretaker what will she do if I lose the battle, we been together for 41 years and she always has depended on me to provide. A few months ago I had to take early retirement because of health and because the company was not doing good and had to go chapter 11. I ware a smile everyday so she and our children will not worry so much about me.

Something I did learn was to put my faith into Gods hand and just do my best, in 2006 my Oncla doctor told me sorry but they just can’t do anything more and gave me 6 month to a year at best to live. I out lived that by 9 years so far by just putting each day in to Gods hands. I am not sure what the future will bring for me but I am going to continue trusting God for my life and my caretaker Wife Best Friend & Lover and our children who now have children of there own.

 

God bless to all of you who are Caretakers, hold us everyday and tell us you love us no matter how we look. At the end of the day when we go to bed I like to hold her hand while I fall to sleep.

 

Tim  

Ladylacy
Posts: 769
Joined: Apr 2012

My husband fought cancer for 5 years and lost his battle on 7/25/15.  Once all the kids and their families left, it has been hard adjusting.  I know it is still very new and raw.  We would have been married 53 years at the end of this month and dated for 1 1/2 years because I was still in high school when I met him.  I have never lived alone so the adjustment is going to be something else.  I talk to him and cry daily.  But thru it all I know he is at peace and not suffering anymore and that in the end is what counts.  

I am asked what my plans are.  Right now it is just to get thru what needs to be done (you know like Social Security, insurance, removing his name and putting what little we have in my name, and the list goes on) and then I might  consider volunteering once again at the hospital or joining the Senior Citizens Club.  

I look at other people who have lost their spouses and they have been alone a good time and I say to myself if they can do it, so can I it will just take time.  I would give anything to have my husband back but not like he was.

Wishing peace and comfort to all -- Sharon

 

pcebelak
Posts: 4
Joined: Sep 2015

I lost my husband in May.  It has been the hardest thing I have ever faced.  It has been nearly four months and today I came home from work and the thought just came into my head, he is really not coming home.  I know this sounds silly; I know with my head that he is gone but I am having trouble telling my heart that it is true.  I came down the road and caught sight of his car and for a  minute my heart jumped and I thought, he's home!  This house is surely empty without him here.  

I tried to stay busy the first couple of months.  I thought that would make a difference.  I mostly found that I did not want to be here, I did not want to be there, I did not want to be anywhere.  I am lonely even in a crowd.

I think that our bodies will not absorb the whole loss at one time.  We would not be able to take it.  At first you are busy taking care of business and there are friends around to support you but eventually you get the business taken care of, the loss is not fresh and raw to anyone but you, you are really alone.

That being said, God gives me what I need to get through each day.  I helps when I read other people's stories.

Hope your grief journey gets easier for you.

LK_Ka
Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2015

...is hard but necessary for the living.

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