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Today I cried because I miss my mom

Meowycat
Posts: 66
Joined: May 2013

My mom passed away from Colon Cancer Stage 4 on New Year's Day this year. I cried at the Funeral and then I just plugged along. I have my father which I am so grateful for and I know his journey in grief is worst than mine.

I recently got a job at a hospital in New York in the Breast department which is a brand new profession for me. I have been stressed in wondering how I am going to learn everything. I am going on week three there.

Today I went to the nail salon (where my mom and I would go) and two seperate techs asked me how my mom was. I told them she died and they were so sorry. Somehow while drying my nails, the tears started to come down my face and the tears kept coming. First real cry I had since the funeral. I just felt so alone (which I know I am not), lost, and unsure about life. I just miss her presence and her loving words.

Meowycat.

jen2012
Posts: 1607
Joined: Aug 2012

My mom passed away the end of sept.  It has been so difficult, I still cry often.  Especially when my kids get sad or just some triggers.    When I went for my physical in January, my doc had known how sick my mom was and it was the second question she asked me...first one being how my husband was doing.  i pretty much sobbed thru the entire exam.  

i think losing your mom, especially if you've had a very special relationship with her like I think we both did, just leaves a hole that can never be filled.  You don't have siblings do you?  I think that makes it even harder.  I have my sister and we talk about her often and share how much we miss her.  My friends mom died a year before mine and she's an only and is really struggling.

one day at a time, don't worry about the crying...people understand.  Good luck with the new job.  It's good to have something like that to focus on.  

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grandmafay
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

First, your grief is no less than your father's. It is just different. I remember reading in a book given to me after my husband died of colon cancer that the hardest grief is always your own. Tears come at unexpected times. I remember grocery shopping and feeling tears when I went to buy something my husband liked And I couldn't stand. I fell apart right there in the grocery store. Just know that tears are common. I also experienced having people ask about my husband many days after I lost him. I even had a waitress get upset with me that I hadn't told her in time for her to go to his memorial service. I didn't realize I was suppose to tell every waitress I knew when the service was. Often times when we are asked, it ends up with us trying to make the other person feel better. hang in there. Time did help me. The ache never goes totally away, though. At least that is true with me. Take care of yourself now. Fay

socrossedup
Posts: 10
Joined: Feb 2015

I'm having a hard time too. My Mom was my reason for waking up and seeing her smile made everything easier. Some days are easier than others, but I'm finding that people who knew her that I have to tell...it makes it so much harder. More real. I never realized how many people would ask about her and when I tell them I just collapse a but inside everytime. 

 

I'm falling apart when I see something I know she would have loved (new holiday decorations, the birds in her backyard, the goofy things my pets do) or when I reach for the phone to tell her or especially when we had out talks every night....I thought I would be ready for her passing because she was in so much pain, but I didn't have a clue. 

 

I'm sending you internet hugs now...it's not much but you have my empathy and sympathy. 

Redjl86
Posts: 5
Joined: Mar 2015

Please do not feel like you have to stop crying at any point. I lost a very dear aunt to breast cancer almost four years ago. I really didn't cry at the funeral but lately I find myself thinking of her and how she used to laugh our the things only she would say and I cry, I mean I cry hard. But it is normal because the memories we have of the people we love never go away. So I am grateful and thankful for the memories I do have of her.  Cherish the memories. Even though you cannot call her up and talk to her now, you can still think of her. It's not the same but it is somewhat comforting.

 

I have found that prayer and reliance on God has helped more than anything else. One scripture that really strengthens me is at John 3:16- “For God loved the world so much that he gave his only-begotten Son, so that everyone exercising faith in him might not be destroyed but have everlasting life."

It just reminds me that God loves me and promises me that I will be able to see my aunt again.  I hope that scripture helps you.

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