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Unwanted Memories

virtual_voyager
Posts: 37
Joined: Jun 2010

It's been three years since she died.  Her last day, her last breath and the cold matter of fact "your wife has less than 24 hours to live" from the hospice nurse.

 

Watching her gasp for air.  Hearing the rattling sound from her throat and lungs.  These memories bring up an anger I've never felt before.

 

I've never had my world destroyed before.

 

I can't live long enough to ever rebuild another one.

 

 

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

i am so sorry that you are haunted by these memories. It have been five years for me. I have memories I would like to forget as well. I am usually able to push those aside by concentrating on the many good memories we made. This time of the year is hard. Sometimes, I feel like I miss him more as time passes. I am blessed, though, by a strong faith and supportive friends and family. We often talk about the good memories we have and that helps me, too. I'm not going to offer any advice because you didn't ask for any, and I don't really have any. I think we each need to muddle through and find our own coping strategies. I just wanted you to know that I have read your post and have some understanding of your feelings. Fay

wolfen's picture
wolfen
Posts: 1318
Joined: Apr 2009

I hear you VV. Last year, I also stood by my husband's bed and counted as he took one less breath every hour for 19 hours. It was devastating. As much as I loved him for 41 years, it did not compare to watching my daughter die screaming and convulsing six months ago. I am at a loss, but I don't feel anger, just an overwhelming sadness.

Peace be with you,

Wolfen

virtual_voyager
Posts: 37
Joined: Jun 2010

I appreciate each response.

So many things, both tangible and intangilbe, are lost to death.  Never to be recovered.  The physical is obvious.  The emotional not so much.

 

For me it is the loss of feeling joy and hope.  When she died all hope and joy in my life died with her. 

 

Over the last three years of reading and trying to find ways to "make things better" I ran across two quotes that have stuck with me.

 

"When true love is found it can't end happily."

"There is but one great tragedy in life, to find your heart's desire and then loose it."

 

My life revolved around her.  Whatever happiness, hope and joy I felt she was the source.  Life now has no spin , just a guy plodding along in a straight line to no where.

 

 

 

soul-mate's picture
soul-mate
Posts: 82
Joined: Feb 2014

V V I'm sorry to hear that it's so difficult in adjusting again to another new normal. I lost my soulmate three months ago and we shared such a wonderful life together, and I'm also at a loss to which direction I'm heading at times but we have to keep going as hard as that may be. Feel free to read my profile and you will see a lot of similarities of the life you shared with your partner. A few words that I read touched me  Death cannot seperate hearts that new true love. Here is another one that is hard for me to do but promised her I would do my best " No life ends if it leaves a memory,Remember me,Then set me free." I have no answer to how you keep on going as everyone deals differently, I stronly believe we are here for a purpose and to find that purpose now seems hard but we cannot stop living our lives for something that was beyond any ones control. There's good days and bad days but the loss of our partner should not create another loss by just existing,I am working on it one day at a time and I know it will not be easy but I have to move on and make sure my grandaughters have a happy grandpa. Best Wishes ahead .

SOUL-MATE

Hondo's picture
Hondo
Posts: 6643
Joined: Apr 2009

I am sorry to hear that she is gone; life for me would be very hard without my wife and best friend who is also my caretaker. We been married for a little over 40 years and she lives with the dread that I can go anytime and she will be alone. But we have a faith that no matter what happens here on this world we will one day be together again. It helps to have faith in God; I am not able to talk anymore because I lost my voice but if you like e-mail me, I can talk that way, just click on my name.

 

Tim Hondo

bitte
Posts: 9
Joined: Mar 2015

I TOO LOST  THE LOVE OF MY LIFE MY SOULMATE MY WORLD MY SWEET ANGEL HUSBAND PASSED AWAY FROM ESPHAGAS CANCER AT HOME  IN OUR BED I TOOK CARE OF ;HIM ALL ALONE HE WAS MY LIFE HE A;WASY WORTE ME POETRY AND SO MANY CARDS HE PASSED  AWAY IN OUR BED IN MY ARMS  WE SHARED THE SAME HEARTYBEAT EVERYDAY  WE HELD HNADS AND KISSED AND HUGGED THE DAY HE PASSED I WENT WITH HIM  IAM SO LOST  AND FEEL SO OVERWELMED

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