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Scanziety and Candles for You

TheLadySkye's picture
TheLadySkye
Posts: 195
Joined: Oct 2013

I've been feeling kind of anxious and emotional and short-fused of late with no real idea why.  When I looked at the calendar today, I saw my next CT is 08 December.  My heart started racing and my breath caught and I just...yeah, instant anxiety.  My appointment with the oncologist is the following day to discuss the results because I made the mistake of making the appointment a week later once before and well, let's just say that didn't do wonders for my mental well being.  If anyone has good thoughts, prayers, love, and support to share, I would appreciate it more than I can say.

I'm going with my family to the Fatima Shrine tomorrow.  They do a lovely display of lights this time of year, but mostly I like to go to one of the quiet chapels, light a candle, and pray.  Or just sit quietly.  Or remember that which I am thankful for.  And while I'm sure this pending scan will be in the forefront of my mind, I will light a second candle tomorrow for all of you.  In thanks for the support, hand holding, information sharing, and beautiful family you have become.  In prayer for those that continue to fight this beast every day, that they will get their miracle.  In remembrance of those who are no longer with us.  I'm not always sure what I believe, but I know what I FEEL, and in my heart I would like to share that special time with you.

 

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 4851
Joined: Jan 2013

Its good to see you here again.  I'm sorry your having scanziety. It seems to dog our tracks, especially seeing we're never really free of scans or blood work coming up every so often. 

Try your best to chill. No amount of worry will change the outcome, and we all know that Cancer likes stress, so we don't want to bring any of that back. 

Here is hoping for clear scans on the 8th. Be sure to come back and let us know what the results are. 

Sue - Trubrit

TheLadySkye's picture
TheLadySkye
Posts: 195
Joined: Oct 2013

Thank you, Sue.  I actually lurk here regularly still, I just find myself devoid of words.  Part of it is I'm accosted by some pretty horrid chemobrain, and I'm honestly not sure what I'm thinking is being translated to the page.  I'm constantly losing words and terrible at expressing myself these days.  But also...every time I type a response, it just seems insufficient.  Like, I want to say all these things and I need more than words to say them.  If that makes any sense.

But I'm here, loving on all of you, and I hope it's okay that even if I'm just here lurking in the shadows for a bit, that we're still holding hands and getting through.

XOXO

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6212
Joined: Feb 2009

I'm so sorry for the anxiety and can understand.  Thank you for lighting of the candle the second one for us.  I'll light candles always at church but at the Fatima Shrine I'd be so excited just to be there.  Enjoy your vist and hope you find the peace that only God can give (well and all of you here also)

Kim

Yolllmbs's picture
Yolllmbs
Posts: 361
Joined: May 2014

 Scary waiting for test results. Big cyber hugs and lots of prayers and good thoughts

 

Yolanda

Easyflip's picture
Easyflip
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2013

Your cyber hand whenever you need it. I have a scan in January and I'll be seeing the doctor 8 days later. In between the visits my wife is taking me to Las Vegas and I'm going to try to forget all about the results. Theres not anything I can do about them anyway so we're just going to have a great time and make some memories. There's a saying, 'worry is an abuse of the imagination.' Cancer has taken enough from me and I'm not going to let it take anymore than I have to! Thank you for the candle, and you're right, this is a beautiful family we have here at CSN.

Easyflip/Richard

marbleotis's picture
marbleotis
Posts: 696
Joined: Mar 2012

It may help but what I do is only think about it when I am actually in the scan machine.  It does place those thoughts in a compartment so they do not move into every minute of your day.

I am trying that same philosophy with my year 3 colonoscopy on Jan 9th - which is a little harder, but I am really making myself do it this year.  As soon as I made the appt, my skin started to crawl and mind went racing.  These tests are horrible (the scheduling, the waiting, the taking, results waiting and on and on and on)

I will be thinking of you on Dec 8.

 

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