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Yesterday I Buried My Child

wolfen's picture
wolfen
Posts: 1327
Joined: Apr 2009
Aug 03, 2014 - 1:38 pm

Johnnybegood was laid to rest yesterday. I still cannot wrap my mind around all that has happened, ending with a tiny beautiful box decorated with a horse that was placed in the ground. It is not real as is often the case when the loss is so great. I think it is the heart's method of self protection for a while. A nice memorial service was held at her church. Just as she inspired so many of us here, her light shone there also as the church overflowed.

I will never be able to erase the memory of her suffering in those final hours & never understand the "Big Plan", but have a copy of the slideshow that played during the service which depicted her from age one to her "Western" wedding 7 years ago. Perhaps that will ease the horrible memory a bit.

Her husband is a very special man who vowed to take care of her always, & he did to the last moment. He asked me to thank each of you for the love, prayers, & support for "his girl" all these years.

All of you know that I love you & care about you. You have been there for us for so long and through so much.

I will be returning to Arizona in a couple of weeks. Will stick around a bit to help my son-in-law & grandkids.

Luv,

Karen
Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
 Joined: May 2009
Aug 03, 2014 - 2:02 pm

It is just plain heart breaking, and yes we must go on.  Thank you for sharing her memorial. JBG was a special person to me, we will miss her words and friendship  very much, but I know that her soul is up there watching down on us all...

 

Big, big Mother Hug!
Momof2plusteentwins's picture
Momof2plusteentwins
Posts: 508
 Joined: May 2012
Aug 03, 2014 - 2:12 pm

I am crying reading this, I just cannot imagine.  I know you and your whole family are numb with pain.  I hope you and JBG Husband and grand kids can help each other with the healing.  Have a safe trip home and know we are thinking about you.

Sandy
db8ne1's picture
db8ne1
Posts: 142
 Joined: Feb 2013
Aug 03, 2014 - 3:12 pm

Karen,

I cannot fathom the pain of losing a child and am simply unable to find the words to offer appropriate consolation.  I will pray for strength and endurance for you, her dear husband, and family.  I have read so many of her posts over the last couple of years and she seemed to be an exceptional person - offering hope and inspiration to so many searching souls on this board. I'm confident that anyone who knew her was the better for it.

My deepest condolences,

J
Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3355
 Joined: Jan 2010
Aug 03, 2014 - 3:14 pm

It does not surprise me that your dearest JBG was so well thought of in her church.  She was so very special.

She fought with every ounce of her being to stay for all those who love her.

Please let her husband know that our thoughts and prayers are with him and if he needs extra emotional support, we are here for him as well.

You dear lady have been through the most difficult trials with Ron and now JBG.  My arms reach out to hug you and support you.

As the days go by, may all the sorrows be dimmed and replaced with memories of the best of times.

May you have safe travels back to Arizona and please reach out to us for anything we can do for you.

Hugs and love,

Marie who loves kitties
marbleotis's picture
marbleotis
Posts: 710
 Joined: Mar 2012
Aug 03, 2014 - 3:49 pm

Karen,

I send my love and deepest sympathy to you, JBG's husband and your grandchildren.  My heart breaks for all of you.

JBG was an inspiration to our virtual family.  She truely helped more than you know.

You can rest in the thought now that she is out of pain, at peace and in a better place.

She is free!
UncleBuddy
Posts: 1019
 Joined: Aug 2013
Aug 03, 2014 - 5:18 pm

as a mother I can't imagine what you're going through. I send lots of love and hugs to you and your family. Know that JBG was a wonderful woman who helped many of us on this site. She was a blessing. I am sad she is gone but happy that she is no longer in pain.

Lin
Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5378
 Joined: Jan 2013
Aug 03, 2014 - 5:42 pm

You are in my heart, Karen. 

I can only begin to feel your pain, and that is enough for me.  I am so very sorry that JBG had to suffer to the very end. How I prayed that she would slip away peacfully. 

I pray that time will ease your memories of those past hours, weeks, months and that you will be filled with only the good memories. 

I can say no more. My heart hurts for you in a way that I can't express. 

Don't worry about understanding the big plan right now. It is not the time. 
herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3642
 Joined: Apr 2010
Aug 03, 2014 - 7:59 pm

I wish I could be there and put my arm over your shoulder and offer some sort of comfort.

Your daughter and you had a tremendous amount of love for each other and that will help sustain you in the coming days when you need comforted most.

I'm glad you are staying to spend more time with your grandchildren and her husband, I think you need each other close for a little bit.

I send you my love and hugs,

Winter Marie
Kathleen808's picture
Kathleen808
Posts: 2361
 Joined: Jan 2009
Aug 03, 2014 - 8:24 pm

Karen,

You and jbg have meant so much to us.  We weep as you weep.  jbg was a beautiful person and she enhanced our lives.  I know you and her family will miss her so very, very much.

Sending love.

Aloha,

Kathleen
Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6682
 Joined: Feb 2009
Aug 03, 2014 - 8:45 pm

I'm so very sorry that you had to experience such a heart wrenching event.  I'm glad that you were there through to the end as I'm sure you had some special times since arriving several weeks ago.  You are a wonderful mother, wife and caregiver and always here to lend your support in your most bleakest moments.  Wishing you the very best trying to move forward and you will be in my continued thoughts and prayers for healing to start.  You are always welcome on the boards so hope to see you from time to time.  JBG was a wonderful asset to this board and will always be thought of fondly for her caring posts and help she gave to so many people.  She will be missed a lot. 

Hugs!  Kim
traci43's picture
traci43
Posts: 775
 Joined: Jul 2007
Aug 03, 2014 - 9:01 pm

Wolfen - So sorry that you lost your daughter.  I hope that your memories of her final days will be replaced by much happier memories.  I pray that you find some peace in all this.  JBG was a wonderful member of our community, as are you.  Take care and safe travels home to AZ.  Traci
Cathleen Mary
Posts: 827
 Joined: May 2011
Aug 03, 2014 - 10:17 pm

Dear Karen,

I am so sorry.  I feel engulfed by silence in the face of such profound loss and such incredible love. My hope and prayer is that you are given a glimpse of JBG's spirit abiding with you. 

Peace and strength to her husband and children.

Please visit here often...we need you.

Hugs,

CM
alexinlv's picture
alexinlv
Posts: 194
 Joined: Jul 2010
Aug 04, 2014 - 12:32 am

I am so sorry! Hugs, Alex
TheLadySkye's picture
TheLadySkye
Posts: 195
 Joined: Oct 2013
Aug 04, 2014 - 8:48 am

My heart and prayers are with you and your family.  I can imagine nothing so difficult as all you have been through.  Please know that JBG made an amazing difference in my life and so many here.  I pray she is at peace.
LivinginNH's picture
LivinginNH
Posts: 1458
 Joined: Apr 2010
Aug 04, 2014 - 9:17 am

 







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Dear Karen,

 I am so very saddened at the loss of your dear daughter.  May the wonderful memories of her life help you to find peace in the days ahead.

 "What we have once enjoyed, we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes part of us." -Helen Keller

 My sincere condolences,

 Cynthia

 
janderson1964
Posts: 2215
 Joined: Oct 2011
Aug 04, 2014 - 1:54 pm

That is a pain that I will never experience since I don;t have children. It is just unimagianable to me. I am so, so sorry for not just the loss of your beautiful daughter but you husband as well.
tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
 Joined: Feb 2008
Aug 04, 2014 - 3:15 pm

Dear Karen,

I know it must have been the hardest day for you! I'm so sorry for your family's loss, but I'm very glad she's no longer in pain. Your family will be in my prayers.

 

*hugs*

Gail

 
thingy45's picture
thingy45
Posts: 633
 Joined: Apr 2011
Aug 04, 2014 - 5:33 pm

Karen I have no words, to see your child die and to bury her must have been very very hard.

I have send you a private email.

Hugs, Marjan
jane283
Posts: 39
 Joined: Feb 2013
Aug 05, 2014 - 10:17 am

I send you my deepest condolences...

its hard considering all the wonderful memories attached to a child...
MrsJP
Posts: 157
 Joined: Jan 2011
Aug 05, 2014 - 10:02 pm

 

Karen,

My heart is so hurting for you and your family. May God hold you in the palm of his hand and give you peace.

Hugs

jp

 
fatbob2010's picture
fatbob2010
Posts: 467
 Joined: May 2012
Aug 05, 2014 - 11:11 pm

Karen,

Do not have words.  

Grief is natural and needed.

Please accept my tears as a contibution to your healing.

Art
Dyanclark's picture
Dyanclark
Posts: 296
 Joined: Apr 2012
Aug 05, 2014 - 11:57 pm

Can only say so sorry you are going thru this pain & heartache.  My sister lost one of her sons in 2009 from cancer he was 32.  He fought for 5 years, and had one daughter.  Almost unbearable.

hugs from Diane & George
dmj101's picture
dmj101
Posts: 527
 Joined: Nov 2011
Aug 06, 2014 - 12:17 am

Peace and light coming your way Wolfen.

I am saddened to read of this loss.

Johnnie will be missed in this world.. but know that she is watching over you now..

<3

 
sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 370
 Joined: Apr 2009
Aug 06, 2014 - 12:45 am

I really don't know what is the appropriate response...but...I'm very sorry. And the only thing that tries to make a bit of sense, that it is good for JBG. She is not suffering anymore...try to force yourself remember that...and just take it one step at a time...breath...eventually you'll learn to say goodbye without tearing up on seconds...I wish you strength...lots of it.
KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
 Joined: Aug 2005
Aug 06, 2014 - 10:40 am

Sending big hugs and much love...

 

I am leaving for my dutch home, but will return in September...Arizona is only a 5 hour ride for me....

 

Stay safe, dear friend....my heart is full with Debbie...she joins quite a crew, safe there always in my heart!!!

 

BIG hugs, Kathi
Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
 Joined: Jun 2009
Aug 07, 2014 - 12:53 am

I'm so sorry mama. She fought so hard.? Like everyone I wished for so much more.

Love/ craig
tanstaafl's picture
tanstaafl
Posts: 1299
 Joined: Oct 2010
Aug 07, 2014 - 7:51 pm

Sorry for your loss with JBG and her suffering, it is a pain no parent should have to endure.   Glad the service went well, I am sure she will long remain in everyone's heart.   We miss her, too.
Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
 Joined: May 2009
Aug 08, 2014 - 9:28 am

Thinking about you and JBG. She'll never be forgotten.   Try and stay strong, the pain will lessen, but the love and memories will continue on. 
Phil64's picture
Phil64
Posts: 835
 Joined: Apr 2012
Aug 12, 2014 - 2:06 pm

Karen, Praying for many blessings to flow down on you and your family.

Love and Light

Philip
PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4912
 Joined: May 2005
Aug 12, 2014 - 2:38 pm

Words can not express how deeply sorry I am to hear this news.
Peace
-phil
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