Yesterday I Buried My Child

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wolfen
wolfen CSN Member Posts: 1,324 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1

Johnnybegood was laid to rest yesterday. I still cannot wrap my mind around all that has happened, ending with a tiny beautiful box decorated with a horse that was placed in the ground. It is not real as is often the case when the loss is so great. I think it is the heart's method of self protection for a while. A nice memorial service was held at her church. Just as she inspired so many of us here, her light shone there also as the church overflowed.

I will never be able to erase the memory of her suffering in those final hours & never understand the "Big Plan", but have a copy of the slideshow that played during the service which depicted her from age one to her "Western" wedding 7 years ago. Perhaps that will ease the horrible memory a bit.

Her husband is a very special man who vowed to take care of her always, & he did to the last moment. He asked me to thank each of you for the love, prayers, & support for "his girl" all these years.

All of you know that I love you & care about you. You have been there for us for so long and through so much.

I will be returning to Arizona in a couple of weeks. Will stick around a bit to help my son-in-law & grandkids.

Luv,

Karen

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Comments

  • Nana b
    Nana b CSN Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #2
    It is just plain heart

    It is just plain heart breaking, and yes we must go on.  Thank you for sharing her memorial. JBG was a special person to me, we will miss her words and friendship  very much, but I know that her soul is up there watching down on us all...

     

    Big, big Mother Hug!

  • Momof2plusteentwins
    Momof2plusteentwins CSN Member Posts: 509 Member
    #3
    Wolfen

    I am crying reading this, I just cannot imagine.  I know you and your whole family are numb with pain.  I hope you and JBG Husband and grand kids can help each other with the healing.  Have a safe trip home and know we are thinking about you.

    Sandy

  • db8ne1
    db8ne1 Member Posts: 142 Member
    #4
    Words cannot express...

    Karen,

    I cannot fathom the pain of losing a child and am simply unable to find the words to offer appropriate consolation.  I will pray for strength and endurance for you, her dear husband, and family.  I have read so many of her posts over the last couple of years and she seemed to be an exceptional person - offering hope and inspiration to so many searching souls on this board. I'm confident that anyone who knew her was the better for it.

    My deepest condolences,

    J

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties CSN Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    #5
    Dearest Karen

    It does not surprise me that your dearest JBG was so well thought of in her church.  She was so very special.

    She fought with every ounce of her being to stay for all those who love her.

    Please let her husband know that our thoughts and prayers are with him and if he needs extra emotional support, we are here for him as well.

    You dear lady have been through the most difficult trials with Ron and now JBG.  My arms reach out to hug you and support you.

    As the days go by, may all the sorrows be dimmed and replaced with memories of the best of times.

    May you have safe travels back to Arizona and please reach out to us for anything we can do for you.

    Hugs and love,

    Marie who loves kitties

  • marbleotis
    marbleotis CSN Member Posts: 721 Member
    #6
    Sending my love

    Karen,

    I send my love and deepest sympathy to you, JBG's husband and your grandchildren.  My heart breaks for all of you.

    JBG was an inspiration to our virtual family.  She truely helped more than you know.

    You can rest in the thought now that she is out of pain, at peace and in a better place.

    She is free!

  • UncleBuddy
    UncleBuddy Member Posts: 1,019 Member
    #7
    My heart is breaking for you...

    as a mother I can't imagine what you're going through. I send lots of love and hugs to you and your family. Know that JBG was a wonderful woman who helped many of us on this site. She was a blessing. I am sad she is gone but happy that she is no longer in pain.

    Lin

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit CSN Member Posts: 5,805 Member
    #8
    God bless you!

    You are in my heart, Karen. 

    I can only begin to feel your pain, and that is enough for me.  I am so very sorry that JBG had to suffer to the very end. How I prayed that she would slip away peacfully. 

    I pray that time will ease your memories of those past hours, weeks, months and that you will be filled with only the good memories. 

    I can say no more. My heart hurts for you in a way that I can't express. 

    Don't worry about understanding the big plan right now. It is not the time. 

  • herdizziness
    herdizziness CSN Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    #9
    Oh Karen

    I wish I could be there and put my arm over your shoulder and offer some sort of comfort.

    Your daughter and you had a tremendous amount of love for each other and that will help sustain you in the coming days when you need comforted most.

    I'm glad you are staying to spend more time with your grandchildren and her husband, I think you need each other close for a little bit.

    I send you my love and hugs,

    Winter Marie

  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 CSN Member Posts: 2,342 Member
    #10
    Karen

    Karen,

    You and jbg have meant so much to us.  We weep as you weep.  jbg was a beautiful person and she enhanced our lives.  I know you and her family will miss her so very, very much.

    Sending love.

    Aloha,

    Kathleen

  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 CSN Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #11
    So Very Sorry

    I'm so very sorry that you had to experience such a heart wrenching event.  I'm glad that you were there through to the end as I'm sure you had some special times since arriving several weeks ago.  You are a wonderful mother, wife and caregiver and always here to lend your support in your most bleakest moments.  Wishing you the very best trying to move forward and you will be in my continued thoughts and prayers for healing to start.  You are always welcome on the boards so hope to see you from time to time.  JBG was a wonderful asset to this board and will always be thought of fondly for her caring posts and help she gave to so many people.  She will be missed a lot. 

    Hugs!  Kim

  • traci43
    traci43 CSN Member Posts: 771 Member
    #12
    saddened by your loss

    Wolfen - So sorry that you lost your daughter.  I hope that your memories of her final days will be replaced by much happier memories.  I pray that you find some peace in all this.  JBG was a wonderful member of our community, as are you.  Take care and safe travels home to AZ.  Traci

  • Cathleen Mary
    Cathleen Mary CSN Member Posts: 827 Member
    #13
    traci43 said:

    saddened by your loss

    Wolfen - So sorry that you lost your daughter.  I hope that your memories of her final days will be replaced by much happier memories.  I pray that you find some peace in all this.  JBG was a wonderful member of our community, as are you.  Take care and safe travels home to AZ.  Traci

    Dear Karen,
    I am so sorry.  I

    Dear Karen,

    I am so sorry.  I feel engulfed by silence in the face of such profound loss and such incredible love. My hope and prayer is that you are given a glimpse of JBG's spirit abiding with you. 

    Peace and strength to her husband and children.

    Please visit here often...we need you.

    Hugs,

    CM

  • alexinlv
    alexinlv Member Posts: 194 Member
    #14
    Sending you light and love!

    I am so sorry! Hugs, Alex

  • TheLadySkye
    TheLadySkye Member Posts: 203 Member
    #15
    My heart and prayers are with

    My heart and prayers are with you and your family.  I can imagine nothing so difficult as all you have been through.  Please know that JBG made an amazing difference in my life and so many here.  I pray she is at peace.

  • LivinginNH
    LivinginNH CSN Member Posts: 1,456 Member
    #16
     


    Dear Karen,
     I am so very

     

    Dear Karen,

     I am so very saddened at the loss of your dear daughter.  May the wonderful memories of her life help you to find peace in the days ahead.

     "What we have once enjoyed, we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes part of us." -Helen Keller

     My sincere condolences,

     Cynthia

     

  • janderson1964
    janderson1964 CSN Member Posts: 2,215 Member
    #17
    That is a pain that I will

    That is a pain that I will never experience since I don;t have children. It is just unimagianable to me. I am so, so sorry for not just the loss of your beautiful daughter but you husband as well.

  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 CSN Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #18
    So sad

    Dear Karen,

    I know it must have been the hardest day for you! I'm so sorry for your family's loss, but I'm very glad she's no longer in pain. Your family will be in my prayers.

     

    *hugs*

    Gail

     

  • thingy45
    thingy45 CSN Member Posts: 632 Member
    #19
    tootsie1 said:

    So sad

    Dear Karen,

    I know it must have been the hardest day for you! I'm so sorry for your family's loss, but I'm very glad she's no longer in pain. Your family will be in my prayers.

     

    *hugs*

    Gail

     

    No words

    Karen I have no words, to see your child die and to bury her must have been very very hard.

    I have send you a private email.

    Hugs, Marjan

  • jane283
    jane283 Member Posts: 39
    #20
    hard to lose a child

    I send you my deepest condolences...

    its hard considering all the wonderful memories attached to a child...

  • MrsJP
    MrsJP Member Posts: 157
    #21
    RIP- Johnny Be Good

     

    Karen,

    My heart is so hurting for you and your family. May God hold you in the palm of his hand and give you peace.

    Hugs

    jp

     

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