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So worried and stressed, please help

LouiseEv1405
Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2014

Hello,

I never used forums like this in my hole life up until the last two months. I had Hodgkins Lymphoma 12 years ago and after undergoing 6-8 months of chemo, I came out the other side (thank god). On my last day of treatment i fully believed i was cured and couldn't wait to get on with my life and thats exactly what i did. I had good health the past 11 years until recently. I don't know whether my problem is more in my mind or if it is actually physical.

I had my first baby of May last year and I feel since that day I have become such a worrier - I am so terrified something will happen to me and that i won't get to see her grow up etc. I have had a sore throat since february (4 months) - Its wierd it started like a severe severe sore throat and has gradually improved to more of a strain and tighness in the throat. During this time, I was doing a full self check when I came across a small bump behind my left ear near the hairline. At first, i thought this was something that i always had but then i couldn remember every feeling it before. Panic totally set in and i diagnosed myself with throat cancer and I can bearly eat, sleeo work or think with worry.

I have been to the doc 6 times - My CBC is clear, the nurse said they are excellent, the doc cant feel any lumps or mass in my neck, i had a chest xray done which is also clear and the doc said the lump behind my ear is tiny and nothing to worry about...but how can i not worry? Im so afraid it will grow and turn into something nasty! The doc is telling me its all anxiety and 'in my head' and maybe shes rite but why do i have a lump and what is going on with my throat.

The last option i have is to go to an ENT specialist which I know i will end up doing. The doc thinks this will only feed my habit and that its not a path i should look to go down.

Please somebody give me some advie or reassurance - I am becoming increasingly depressed and irratic about this.

I used to be so positive and now im just terrifed im going to die.

 

Many thanks,

Louise

 

p.s i was 12 years old when i had HL and i am now 23

Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3's picture
Max Former Hodg...
Posts: 3292
Joined: May 2012

Louise,

You seem quite anxious. I have had a "choaking sensation" in my throat since I was around 16 years old (I am now 58). A friend of the family was an ENT, and I went to him at least twice during my teen years, with him stating both times that there was "nothing."  After entering complete remission in 2010 from Stage III lymphoma, I frequently had (have) swollen glands in my neck, infection-related.  My oncologist examined them carefully since then, and explained that they were NOT lymph nodes at all, and nothing to be concerned about.

They re-swell at least a couple times a year, but I am not worried about them. 

If your doctor is certain that they are not a cause for concern, I would do what he or she has suggested -- forget about it.  There are plenty of real problems in everyone's life. Do not let this take control of you.    Fairly routinely, a person will ask questions at this site, frantic that they "have lymphoma," despite no diagnosis. Often they will see numerous doctors, and even have several biopsies, all negative, before thy realize they are in a panic over nothing. Don't be one of those people. It is too expensive.

My thoughts,

max

jimwins's picture
jimwins
Posts: 2111
Joined: Aug 2011

Welcome to the site and I'm sorry you are having such fears, stress and anxiety.  I'm not a doctor or psychologist but I think some clues are in your post :).  Based on what you said, this started sometime after you had your daughter.  You are young and it's your first child - that has to be somewhat frightening and joyful at the same time.  Suddenly you are responsible for another life and it's probably natural/normal to have some anxiety about that :).  You didn't mention a partner/husband and if you are a single mom, that only has to make it tougher. 

It may help to seek some counselling to address the "out of control fear" and examine that more closely.  You are having symptoms and it's better to be safe than sorry so I'd have it checked out as well.  So what I'm suggesting is go both routes (medical and psychological).  You were only 12 years old when you beat cancer - congrats!  Cancer effects us psychologically and unfortunately, there is rarely any kind of mental health follow up after treatment, etc.  I can understand your fears, Louise.  It's very human and please know you are welcome to talk here anytime and you are not alone.

Bug hugs to you and yours,

Jim

Your anxiety for sure is real.  I found this and maybe it will be a little helpful:

http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/overcome-fear-and-anxiety/

 

 

 

Rocquie's picture
Rocquie
Posts: 831
Joined: Mar 2013

Hi Louse and welcome to the group. Congratulations on being a survivor for so many years. And especially, congratulations on your new baby daughter. 

Have you considered, or spoken with a doctor about the fact you may be suffering from postpartum depression? You may need to address the subject with an obstetrician or even a nurse midwife. Your worry, fear, terror, and panic should be taken seriously and frankly if a doctor told me something was "in my head", I would be furious. Even if I was a complete nut job I would expect more compassion and to be taken more seriously by my doctor. 

Your sore throat could be from dry air in your home, dust, pollen (it is that time of year). Have you taken measures to treat it yourself? Gargle with warm salt water? Use a vaporizer? Clorasepic spray helps us when we have sore throats. Also, your bump behind your ear could be a harmless sebaceous cyst. But these things are not "nothing" to you. 

I am not diminishing your concerns about your throat or ear bump. But I am a woman and a mother. I know how those swirling and raging biological/female hormones can make us feel. Especially after giving birth.

If there is any way I can help you, I want to. Life is too short to be filled with so much angst. I hope you find answers to your problems soon so you can get back to being your old happy and positive self. 

Hugs and much love,

Rocquie

 

jimwins's picture
jimwins
Posts: 2111
Joined: Aug 2011

Good points, Rocquie and also good to have it from a woman's perspective :).  About the only raging hormones I have are for pizza occasionally ;).

Hugs

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Louise,

  You have been given good advice from everyone. The only thing I will add is to get the lump removed and biopsied, provided you have insurance coverage and in doing so will not create a major out of pocket expense for you. If for no other reason, get it removed for peace of mind. It's your body and if this lump has you totally freaked out, then do what you think is best. Removing it for pathology testing will eliminate the worry about it being cancer. Either it will be cancerous, or it won't. Best wishes my dear...please share back anytime.

Much love...Sue

po18guy
Posts: 994
Joined: Nov 2011

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Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3's picture
Max Former Hodg...
Posts: 3292
Joined: May 2012

CSN has much-reduced staffing on weekends (I have been told, and such does seem to be the case). Perhaps they will address the issue Monday.

max

po18guy
Posts: 994
Joined: Nov 2011

Odd.

Evarista
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Joined: May 2017

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