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Can't find a place where i fit in anymore....

amath1234's picture
amath1234
Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2014

I'm currently 23, i was diagnosed when i was 21. its been a long difficult fight, which i am still fighting.

when i was first diagnosed it wasnt that hard for me to go out and still have a good time with my friends and meet people and feel normal. but in the process of my battle, i ended up having surgery, and a result of that surgery was full neck dissection, full laryngectomy and glossectomy. LEaving me unable to speak, or eat solid foods. i was on a feeding tube for around 8 months. i can drink liquids by mouth now and still appear somewhat normal. but nowadays, even though i am still in treatments, my friends urge me to go out with them to try and make me feel better. but whenever i go out, i feel very uncomfortable and irritable. i used to be very social and loved being out. but now since i cant talk, its very hard for me feel like a normal version of me. and whenever a conversation is started between me and someone new, all they want to talk about is my cancer and how i ended up being the way i am.

 

im sure everyone has their different problems they have to try and feel normal, but does anyone have any advice on how to feel normal again? i just dont feel like me, anytime i leave the house, im just not a normal person like i used to be....

Folks24
Posts: 107
Joined: Feb 2007

One thing about being "normal" whatever situation you are in is to have confidence in yourself.  You have a different "normal" now and it takes getting used to and takes awhile to accept it. Is it almost like a greiving process. The great you is still in there. Embrace the you that you are.

What is "normal" anyway?  Everybody has a different definition. My dad was disabled when I was 13. As an only child, I did all the lawn work, shoveling snow, etc. When I got old enough to drive and it was too hot or cold, I went with my mother and got the groceries, paid the bills, etc. That was my normal growing up. I had friends who griped because they had to take out the garbage for gee whiz!   I went through chemo treatment in 2012 all alone! No family.

You are unique in who you are and what you went through. You think everyone could handle what you went through?  It takes guts!  Give yourself a big pat on the back. Be the best you you can be.  You may find that you have the admiration of others. Sometimes  they don't know how to express that either. But they care about you or they wouldn't invite you out. Sometimes when a person changes and is "ill" others avoid them like the plague. Sounds like you have good friends.

Good luck in gaining your confidence and finding the GREAT new you that is in there. Chin up!

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