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emotions

xnavyguy
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2014

Hi all,

first id like to start out by saying that i was diagnosed in january 2013 with non hodkins large bcell lymphoma. when my dr told me that i had cancer i was scared shitless! they started me on rchop treatment. a week later i had a bone marrow biopsy and the drs determined that i had 2 mutations in my cells instead of just 1. they started me on repoch treatments. My last treatment of chemo was at the end of july 2013. ive had all my followups and am here today to say im in remission!!  but im here today to ask anyone if it is common to be having mental and physical issues this long after treatment ends?  i understand that my body has been thru alot and will take time to get back to normal. i have to take a nap sometime during the day otherwise im tired and wore out feeling. my biggest concern  is that i have been struggling mentally with all of this! i know i should be elated that im in remission!  but im always edgy and grumpy! i fly off the handle and lash out at people over the littlest things!  my wife and kids have been here for me thru everything and they are the ones that are taking the brunt of my grumpiness. i feel bad for them and i dont know what is goin on in my head!!  is there anyone else out there dealing with this???  should i see my dr and try meds??

any input would be greatly appreciated!! thanks 

Rocquie's picture
Rocquie
Posts: 857
Joined: Mar 2013

Hello X, welcome to the group and congratlulations on your remission. 

We survivors have been through a lot and yes our bodies have endured much. So have our emotions. It is very frightening to receive a diagnosis of cancer and the fear does not have an on/off switch just because we have successfully completed treatments. The rigors of chemo take a toll on our bodies and yes it can take time to recover.

My last chemo (R-CHOP) was 1 year ago today. In many, many ways I feel like nothing ever happened and that I was never sick. I am extremely grateful for my remission. But the truth is that I worry a lot about relapse and I suppose I might always. Sometimes, I can't go to sleep at night for re-living some of the worst parts of my treatment and side-effects. I don't take naps but I know many people do, and I would if I needed it. 

And all of my blood counts have not returned to normal even though it has been a year.

I don't suffer from anger or grumpiness, but I do have my emotional issues. I talk to my Doctor regularly about my mental state and he always asks if I don't bring it up first. Please do talk to your Doctor. 

Best,

Rocquie

 

 

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi,

  My chemo was milder than yours, leaving me with very little long term physical side effects. The mental side of it is still with me, but my doctor tells me this is perfectly normal. We all handle our cancer diagnosis differently, before, during and after treatment. I still have many days when I wonder, "whats next"? I try not to dwell in worrying about the future and as a rule just take things one day at a time. With that being said, I do take a low dose antidepressant each evening before bed. I'm sure it helps in keeping me in a more peaceful state of mind. You might want to consider taking a low dose antidepressant to see if it helps with the grumpyness your experiencing. My type of Lymphoma usually comes back and is not curable, but if I was to sit around everyday worrying about the "what if's", I'd be a daily mess. I'm sorry your dealing with these tough emotions, but I can assure you, we all feel the same way from time to time. The trick is to figure out a way to only visit those bad feelings, now and then, and find ways to have more better days, than bad. Talk things over with your doctor and see what he/she might suggest. Feel free to join in here and discuss how your feeling...someone is always around to help out.

Take care and best wishes....Sue

(Follicular NHL-stg3-grd2-typA-Dx 6/10-age 63) In remission Smile

illead's picture
illead
Posts: 875
Joined: Aug 2012

My husband is the one with lymphoma. his is Mantle Cell.  Anyway, I agree with what Roquie and Sue have both said.  I of course welcome you to the site also, it's a nice group of caring people so think it will help your mental state if you at least monitor and feel free to comment too, which would even be better.  I was wondering if you are on prednisone?  Boy do most of us have stories about that.  It can make you very moody and a little short fused,  If you are, you might ask your doc if he thinks he could wean you off of it soon.

My best to you and congrats on your remission, we love that word, Becky

Anonymous user (not verified)

When it comes to cancer I am reminded of The Conan series of novels I read long ago. Conan loved a good fight but was frustrated when dealing with the mystical, especially wizards and magicians. His refrain was something like " Oh for a good and honest foe to slay!".  Cancer is kinda like those wizards in that it messes with your mind. We must learn to not let it rattle us. I know its hard. Good luck. All my best.

Max Former Hodg...
Posts: 3705
Joined: May 2012

Xnavy,

Greetings from a fast attack sub guy (I am assuming that your screen name means "former Navy"). Six months after my discharge (27 years ago), I was ejected out of a car, which rolled over me, crushing my chest cavity and nearly tearing off one leg.   It was two years before I could walk again, and destitution (I was single and totally unable to work) took its toll on me in more ways than one. It was nearly a year before I could speak normally, due to a warped chest and reduced lung volume.  When, aftet those two years, I told the engineering firm I was working for that I could come back, they said, "Sorry.  We have nothing for you. But thanks for letting us use your name on bids while you were out !" 

I have had three severe wrecks since.   One involved me in the passanger's seat of a large commercial truck when we tee-boned and drove over the top of a Buick.  I walked back to the Buick, since the driver refused to get out of the truck. Troopers had to use the license tag to ID the car, since no one coould tell what it was...  That was upsetting.    Years later, I got stage 3 Hodgkin's.  I tell people "I was depressed. Then I got cancer."

I know some duty assignments can mess with the mind. This is more common in the Army, but the Navy can have its moments as well, depending on where you are assigned. We were an under-ice boat, so most of my years were spent under the polar ice cap.  With all you have been through, it may be that you have a touch of PTSD.  I have no medical training, but especially the irritability part of what you mention is a hallmark of PTSD -- much more so than depression or confusion.

Many critics complain that Americans are over-medicated, but PTSD is very treatable.  Ask your doc about it.  If you go to the VA, be aware that they see more PTSD than probably any other organization on earth. I used to work as a vendor in a large, full-service VA facility, and nearly 40% of every patient they saw was psychology-related !

I hope that this is of some worth to you.   Smooth sailing....  And, wear your seat belt.

max

sureshwani
Posts: 23
Joined: Aug 2013

Max, I really get inspired by your posts. You always give me a hope to survive. I was detected for NLPHL in Jan 2013. Finished my treatment in september 2013. Had 12 injections of ABVD and 20 days of radiations since I was bulky. I to am always worried about what will happen next. It is very challenging for me. My mind is always playing games with me. But I keep faith in the all mighty and always pray him to make me strong. We have to face the beast.It is in our destiny. Suresh

Max Former Hodg...
Posts: 3705
Joined: May 2012

Sureshwani,

What you wrote here says more to me than anythng I ever posted.  Simplicity is best.

Look at this inspiring link.  Although no one here is imminently terminal, this event should uplift all.   Many species of animals understand grief, especially elephants, which go through lengthy mourning at the death of a member of their herd.  Some suffer lengthy periods of grief, or so say the scientists who study them. 

There are many storys of cats that live in Hospices. Somehow, they know which patients are going to pass next, and spend time in that room until the end.    Keep fighting ! Your destiny is great.   Everyone's is .

max

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/heartbreaking-final-goodbye-between-giraffe-and-zoo-worker-with-cancer-143617918.html?vp=1

 

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illead's picture
illead
Posts: 875
Joined: Aug 2012

It was beautiful     B&B

Max Former Hodg...
Posts: 3705
Joined: May 2012

Stroy about Oscar the Cat.  Professor at Brown University has written a book about Oscar.

http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMp078108

 

max

jimwins's picture
jimwins
Posts: 2111
Joined: Aug 2011

Sweet story Max.  It did bring a tear to my eye.  I can tell you while I was recuperating from chemo, my sister's dogs were a great comfort to me. They knew when I wasn't feeling well and would hop up on the recliner and sleep with me.  Unfortunately like my sister, they are all gone now.  I miss them all.

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