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lost just lost 2x times survivor

Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2014

so i missed the first part of my life with hodgkins at 17 no prom no grad no college very difficult battle took them 6 months just to get the diag right to begin with and i almost died b4 they did - it was in my neck almost wrapped all the way around and choked me out...so i won that...in my 20s..left me with bad spine/neck damage where the dead cancer wrapped around some of my major nerves in my spinal area...

bump up to 40...been living life every day in pain wondering how im alive and bam now i get lymphomia  so im a year out of recovery now...chopped up my neck some more

i caught it before it hit my groin bad but hey still chopped up some there..casued bad problems with lymphademia there to my  man parts and left legg... so i got nothing..i live on ssi i live in pain its seems i was always struggling to get better to have better now this...now ill be 42 this year im im lost i feel like i fought to big battles that just drained me i have no will left becasue im confused lost poor in pain i dont know what to do i have nothing left nothing moreto give i fought to live but i dont know why. i loved life but this battle sad to say finshed off fight and hope i had...

i need help dont know where to start have done the pain management dance before..the shrink mambo before..i dont want it...i just want a reason to live and be happy thats all i ask for. it seems so far away now. any advice? i have tried just about every thing the medical field had to offer  and now that the will to even get up and go is gone wont help anyway...last thing i wanted to do is reach out to a message board but why not? maybe some  one with a life who has been thro it can share some of there good life with me? yea its that bad....prolly worse as i said im reaching out on here and whats worse im prolly in the worng place. to those that have beat it and lived and continue to live well god bless all of you!

teamzach's picture
Posts: 35
Joined: Jan 2014

Hello there,

your post is not sad at all! Some of us just need to be heard. We need to know that we are not alone and that there is still life to be lived.

I don't know what you are going through. In fact, I have never been in that type of physical pain and can not say I can relate. I did, however watch my husband of 2 years fight for his life until the very end. He was in pain most of the time, and honestly, I wish he were here to tell you how he coped. He did, however, keep a positive attitude through it all. He litereally prayed, that if he had to die from cancer that something good would come out of it.

He died less than two months ago and I am feeling so much heartache. So.. like you, I come here. Maybe just to learn something from someone else, or to give my advise on what I have been through. Sometimes, just to know I am not alone. I am always hearing stories of how Zach changed someones life. Just by being a friend, or by the way he lived his life which was full of adversity. I know I will never be the same.

What I read from your post is that you are a miracle. You have beat the unbeatable. You are a SURVIVOR. You may feel defeated, but your still breathing. I will certainly keep you in my thoughts and prayers- That you will find peace and understanding as to why you were given this life to live. If you ever need to talk more, feel free to private message me. But be warned... I will have some kind of optomistic advice. :)




Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2014

im trying i pray every day for anythingn something to help ihave never had any help in my life maybe1 day

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