Jan 28, 2014 - 6:24 am
Sadly, this is so true of my life in this last year.
My husband was diagnosed with Espphageal Cancer stage 4... which has metastased a year ago this last December. Through this, we went through shock, dismay, anger, tears, and then positive energies.
The denial came when we felt our love could beat this! It came when for 5 minutes my husband was given a clean bill of health, but to make sure, let us do one more MRI. The oncology dept. had even given him a certificate! So, after the MRI, it was shown that the cancer moved from his throat to his liver. This was in July. In late August, he began chemo yet again.
This went on until December when it was discovered that the cancer was not only still there but had multiplied. Then it was decided that rather than surgery, we would opt for RFA, which is radiofrequency ablation. Although there was some residual pain after this procedure, we felt it went well. Lo and behold, after another MRI, it was discovered that small satelitte tumors had increased in size and another RFA was needed (using different fluids and pressures), and we agreed to this. So, in one months time, my husband went through 2 procedures, and now will under go another round of chemo starting next Monday.
He is the kindest and most loving of men... We have only been together for 4 years although we knew each other when we were 16 years old. After 32 years of a previous marriage, being with my husband now was a no brainer. I am now only wanting to keep him alive and happy.
My denial has been to my own life and also that of my husbands. I couldn't imagine we wouldn't fix this. Well, now it is dusting off the grass and handling life the way grownups are supposed to (I am 53 now), and that means getting all of our ducks in a row. We are now applying for SSI and apparently there is a 'compassion allowance clause'...and I aim to use this.
I have seldom cried let alone let my husband see my tears, although figuring out how to pay rent or put food on the table is always a dilema, but as long as he breathes and can look at me with love, I am happy for each day.
Thank you for letting me share.