"Let your Faith be bigger than your fear"

the title of my post was sent to me from my daughter yesterday,im not doing so good these days.let me back up4 months ago...i had been taking 1600mg of xeloda+avastin and developed severe hand and foot syndrome.while on this cocktail i showed growth in my lungs(small growth)so even though it became toxic to me it also had stopped working.i knew it was just a matter of time before i had to go back on irinatecan,but onc wanted my hands and feet to get better.so for the last 2 months my hands and feet have gotten 70-80% better(not 100%)so that means for 2 months i have not had any chemo.i new there would be growth but what my onc said to me next was a blow.i have another met on my liver.I will be starting irinatecan tomorrow,will do every other week for 2 months have a scan and then see how the liver spot is and if it hasnt gone away from the chemo then we will talk about ablation.i know i have been there done this before and i guess that is where my fear stems from.overall i did fairly well on irinatecan compared to some of you but it is just knowing going on the systemic chemo is not what i call good quality of life.for those of you who are in my shoes or have been in my shoes,Are you not tired? im just so exhausted from fighting and fighting and fighting.for those of you who have the Faith will you please join me in a prayer tonight(there is power in prayer)not just for me,but for everyone on here,who has to just keep fighting,with no end in sight to chemo treatments (only small breaks)thank you i not only get my strength from my Lord but i also get strength from my family here on this site....Godbless...johnnybegood

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Comments

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,643 Member
    You have my axe...

    bow, sword but most of all my prayers (guess whose a Lord of the Rings fan). 

    I am so sorry to hear of your struggles, even though I've known for ages that those of you with stage 4 are in a constant battle. 

    I can imagine a little bit, how tired of the fight you must get at times. I will pray for strength for you and for all out there who battle on. 

    Blessings!

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    Prayers for all

    Dear JBG, I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time and that it is so wearing on you physically and emotionally.

    May you and all who continue to put one foot forward find something which works well and easily on you.

    Hugs and love,

    Marie who loves kitties

  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576

    Prayers for all

    Dear JBG, I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time and that it is so wearing on you physically and emotionally.

    May you and all who continue to put one foot forward find something which works well and easily on you.

    Hugs and love,

    Marie who loves kitties

    ahhhh johnny

    johnny I am crying here in the cold north reading your post.  You and I have been together all the way through and it breaks my heart to read the troubles you are having.  My sweet girl....you have all my prayers and thoughts and wishes tonight.  I too believe in the power of collective prayer and energy.....holding your hand tonight johnny....love you,

    mags

  • jen2012
    jen2012 Member Posts: 1,607 Member
    praying
    So sorry JBG....I'm praying with you and for you.
  • Cathleen Mary
    Cathleen Mary Member Posts: 827
    jen2012 said:

    praying
    So sorry JBG....I'm praying with you and for you.

    JBG, my heart aches for you

    JBG, my heart aches for you and is swelling with prayer for you this night. 

    Hugs, 

    CM

  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,715 Member
    Prayers

    You have my prayers and will continue to.  I'm sorry that they have found a new spot and can understand that it can be very discouraging.  Hearing the news that you have cancer has to be the same as hearing that you have a new spot or new lesion.  It has to be hard road to live.  I'm so sorry that you are going through this again.  You have always been in my prayers.

    Hugs!  Kim

  • Chelsea71
    Chelsea71 Member Posts: 1,169
    JBG
    So sorry that you're

    JBG

    So sorry that you're having a hard time.  When Steve started his fight he was full of such positivity and energy.  He was just starting out and had no idea what he was in for.  He did maintain a really good attitude thought his battle.  But, over time, the chemo and the surgeries and just all the energy it takes to live with stage four cc started to wear him down.  It became very hard for him to keep such a positive attitude.  Harder to fight.  He was just so tired of it all.  I just don't know how you guys keep going....  I think you are all heros.  I am very proud of Steve and also of all my friends here at CSN who are living life with MCRC.

  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276
    jonnybegood

    I will certainly add you to my prayer list tonight.!!

  • UncleBuddy
    UncleBuddy Member Posts: 1,019
    Praying for you...

    and all the wonderful people on this site. You are all my heroes. 

  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624
    Okay Hun

    here we are, states apart and thinking of the same thing.  I had the liver resection in May, and they got rid of 4 mets, then was told that last months scan showed three new mets, turned out it was really 4 new mets, but whose counting.  So had my first Itinotecan last week in five months, worn out, tired, and wondering really do I keep doing this, and for me, yes, because I still have the strength to keep fighting, and so will you my dear, so will you, we will give you the "extra" oomph you need to keep on going, after all everyone keeps me going as well.  You're right, we can get that extra strength from each other because family will always be there for you, through thick and thin.

    hugs and extra prayers for you,

    Winter Marie

  • Aud
    Aud Member Posts: 479
    JBG, I am so sorry you are

    JBG, I am so sorry you are having to go through this.  You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight and holding you in the Light for strength to continuee the fight.  I don't know what it is like to be on chemo for so long and suffering with all those side effects; I can only imagine.  And I hope that you gain and keep the strength that you need.  Hang in there, my Friend.  And feel the virtual hugs sent your way to help you to carry on. ~Aud

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    Hey J:)

    I'm sharing your sentiments tonight....Winter's too...

    Joining in with you this evening...

    -c

     

  • Hooley
    Hooley Member Posts: 156
    Prayers

    Jbg am praying for u tonight.  Remember where two or more are gathered!   Intercessory prayer is ON,    He holds u in the palm of his hand.  Take care,    

  • janderson1964
    janderson1964 Member Posts: 2,215
    Your are in my prayers. You

    Your are in my prayers. You have a very strong faith which is great. I don't think I could have made it this far without my faith in the Lord.

  • johnnybegood
    johnnybegood Member Posts: 1,117

    Your are in my prayers. You

    Your are in my prayers. You have a very strong faith which is great. I don't think I could have made it this far without my faith in the Lord.

    thanks everyone

    for you replies and prayers.as i sit here this morning reading posts and drinking my coffee i feel a calmness over me and many of you know that feeling im talking about.we all need to stick together especially in the tough times.i truly believe in the quote"Where two or more are gathered"i will get thru this today with all the strength you all have given me.words can not express how much you peeps mean to me...Love to all...Godbless...johnnybegood

  • PatchAdams
    PatchAdams Member Posts: 271
    in faith

    Agreeing and praying 'in faith'.

  • lp1964
    lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member
    Dear Friend,

    Allow me to share your pain along side my own. I too believe in the power of collective human spirit, for this world is nothing but the summary of our thoughts. 

    I want to support you and channel you the strength you will need to keep on living. Even though pain and low energy are great masters and often suppress our positive attitude, don't forget that to every bad thing there are a thousand good. That morning cup of warm coffee, that sunrise, fresh air, your heartbeat, nutritious food, the support of family and friends etc. are all God sent blessings that are still there to notice and to be grateful for.

    With all the love,

    Laz

  • hippiechicks
    hippiechicks Member Posts: 509

    thanks everyone

    for you replies and prayers.as i sit here this morning reading posts and drinking my coffee i feel a calmness over me and many of you know that feeling im talking about.we all need to stick together especially in the tough times.i truly believe in the quote"Where two or more are gathered"i will get thru this today with all the strength you all have given me.words can not express how much you peeps mean to me...Love to all...Godbless...johnnybegood

    Hi JBG ..
    Your in my prayers

    Hi JBG ..

    Your in my prayers and will continue to send strength to you.  Wishing you peace and comfort as you begin your treatments.  I don't know all of the feelings you are having, but I do know recurrence and years of continued treatements.  It is not for the weak that is for sure.  What we endure each day is hard.  In and out of treatment.  But I believe we are in good hands and there is a plan for us, all of us.  I also believe this fighting we do makes us see things differently in this world, a way we can not share with anyone other than those who have gone through it .. so with that know that you have support here.  Praying for you on your journey.

  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571
    Sending strength and love your way, JBG...

    and hopes for the future.  May the chemo do its job and make surgery possible, and may your faith keep you strong even in the hardest of times.

    Many hugs~AA

  • lilacbrroller
    lilacbrroller Member Posts: 412

    Sending strength and love your way, JBG...

    and hopes for the future.  May the chemo do its job and make surgery possible, and may your faith keep you strong even in the hardest of times.

    Many hugs~AA

    Hang in there!

    Sorry you're having such tough time. Hang in there!

    Karin