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My mother died April 30th, and I'm still having some trouble.

Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2013

So on April 30th of this year, my mother passed. I was always close with her and she could always help wether it be advice about friends or studying for vocab quizzes, she was always there for me. I'm fifteen right now, and it's just me, my brother and my dad now. (Three boys no girls) I have never connected well with my dad, it's always been my little brother and my dad, and my mom and me. My mom was the type of person who could tell stories for hours and hours and you wouldn't be bored for a minute. Everything is really hard, my brother has learning problems and social problems, so he doesn't completely understand what it all means. He has a therapist and the whole thing, and it really stresses my dad out. I haven't been doing well, school is ten times harder to focus and putting a fake smile on every day really sucks. I don't have anyone to go to for advice, so I thought here would be a good place to ask: What are some things you can do to cope with losing a loved one?

Posts: 1598
Joined: Aug 2012

I am very sorry about your mom.  As if being a teenager isn't hard enough, trying to deal with loss of the most important person in your life makes it that much harder.  I think it will take you a long time for things feel better, but you will get there and you will live your life in a way that would make your mom proud.  

My daughter will be 16 tomorrow and has been having a tough time with her dad being sick.  My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last year right before school started and she had a really bad year.   It seems that writing has helped her a bit.  Maybe you can try it too?  Just writing down your feelings - write letters to your mom and express all of your feelings - sad, angry, discouraged - whatever you are feeling at the time.  Even if you shred it after so no one reads it, sometimes it just helps to get it out.  I know my daughter gets really upset listening to kids complain about stupid things - sometimes it feels like everyone is moving on with life, not knowing any heartache and you just feel different and it's hard to relate to other kids.   I would guess that being a boy makes it even harder.

Coming here was a good idea - people here are understanding and caring.  But please remember we are "strangers" and it's easy to take advantage of someone who is emotiionally hurting.  Not saying that anyone here would do that - but please be careful.  Share your feelings, but keep your personal information private.  Your post was perfect in not giving anything away, but it's easy to get comfortable with people quickly and let your guard down. 

I urge you to find an adult you can trust - maybe an aunt or uncle, guidance counselor, friend of your mom, your friend's mom?  Your dad is probably having a tough time dealing with his own heartache, but please find someone to open up to.  Your feelings are so normal - give yourself time.  If your teachers know you are having a tough time, they will probably help you.  Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Good luck and please let us know how you are doing.

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