Hello - I'm new here...

My sweet husband found out about his incurable cancer at the end of April.  He died 2 months later.   I still can't believe he is never coming back to me!  I tried pretending that he's on a trip.  I'm functioning and seem (probably) normal to other people, but... you know how it feels.  Crying while walking home through the woods helps.  Playing music with my friends helps.  But the icy cold fact remains:  he's gone!  Thanks for letting me share.  Love to you all.

Comments

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633
    Welcome

    Welcome to the board none of us ever wanted to be on. Losing a spouse is very hard. That wasn't in our plans. We were supposed to grow old together. Your grief is very new. I have found that time (4 years) has helped dull the pain, but it hasn't gone away. I have just learned to live with it. Take your time to grieve however you need to do it. Take care of yourself now. Fay 

  • StillHere22
    StillHere22 Member Posts: 2

    Welcome

    Welcome to the board none of us ever wanted to be on. Losing a spouse is very hard. That wasn't in our plans. We were supposed to grow old together. Your grief is very new. I have found that time (4 years) has helped dull the pain, but it hasn't gone away. I have just learned to live with it. Take your time to grieve however you need to do it. Take care of yourself now. Fay 

    thanks Fay

    I like your orange kitty.  Thank you for the kind words.  Four years?  A drop in the bucket of the time that stretches out before me, wide empty dark waters.  Love...

  • Tubbs
    Tubbs Member Posts: 51
    I'm sorry for your husband's

    I'm sorry for your husband's passing and your loss.  My wife passed October 28, 2012.  We were married six years.  I think about her all the time, even though she was taken from me nearly a year ago.  It comes and goes, the sadness.  I was at my mom's tonight and had a flashback where I thought of my wife in my mom's house and tears came to my eyes.  I can't describe the feeling where you've had someone and all these experiences and then the person is just gone.  Like you didn't have them at all.  There's not a word in the English language to describe this feeling. 

    I have felt 'better' the last few months but I don't think I'll ever really move on.  How could I?  I kiss my wife's picture and light a candle for her every night and talk to her out loud all the time.  I talk to our cat about her too.

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633
    Tubbs said:

    I'm sorry for your husband's

    I'm sorry for your husband's passing and your loss.  My wife passed October 28, 2012.  We were married six years.  I think about her all the time, even though she was taken from me nearly a year ago.  It comes and goes, the sadness.  I was at my mom's tonight and had a flashback where I thought of my wife in my mom's house and tears came to my eyes.  I can't describe the feeling where you've had someone and all these experiences and then the person is just gone.  Like you didn't have them at all.  There's not a word in the English language to describe this feeling. 

    I have felt 'better' the last few months but I don't think I'll ever really move on.  How could I?  I kiss my wife's picture and light a candle for her every night and talk to her out loud all the time.  I talk to our cat about her too.

    Dogs

    Dogs, cat, nobody in particular. I talk to them all. The house would be way too quiet without some conversation. Those unexpected tears don't happen as often now, but they still happen. Monday would have been our 46th anniversary. Always a difficult day. Fay

  • pegalina
    pegalina Member Posts: 42
    sudden loss

    Dear StillHere22..my husband passed away 2 months ago umpiring a baseball game..massive heart attack..I know how you feel..I have been just doing what I have to do..I feel the same way about him being on a trip..I have a wall up..I know hes gone..I know I buried him but it just isnt sinking in..reality..I know it will..I lost my dad @ 19..my mom 5 yrs ago..I went thru stage 3 breast cancer 5 yrs ago..I just cant wrap my head around it..too quick..he walked out my front door..an hr later he was gone..I do know time heals..however..losing a husband is different than a parent....I'm struggling..have 2 sons..I'm holding it together for them..its just so unreal to me that he's gone..I keep bringing up funny & happy times with my boys..idk..its hard to move forward

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633
    pegalina said:

    sudden loss

    Dear StillHere22..my husband passed away 2 months ago umpiring a baseball game..massive heart attack..I know how you feel..I have been just doing what I have to do..I feel the same way about him being on a trip..I have a wall up..I know hes gone..I know I buried him but it just isnt sinking in..reality..I know it will..I lost my dad @ 19..my mom 5 yrs ago..I went thru stage 3 breast cancer 5 yrs ago..I just cant wrap my head around it..too quick..he walked out my front door..an hr later he was gone..I do know time heals..however..losing a husband is different than a parent....I'm struggling..have 2 sons..I'm holding it together for them..its just so unreal to me that he's gone..I keep bringing up funny & happy times with my boys..idk..its hard to move forward

    Anniversary

    I just survived another anniversary with the help of family and friends. I agree that losing a spouse is very different. I thought I understood what my mother was going through when my dad died. I didn't. Good memories, family, friends, and God are what keep me sane. I am determined to leave good memories behind when I go because that is what is left when we die. I am blessed with many of those. I also want my family and friends to know that I love them because it is love that sustains us. We struggle with the reality of their death. I have  accepted that I will always miss him, that there are days when my pain is harder to deal with even now, that it is ok to cry even about the small things, and that there is no closure. That's ok, too. I wouldn't want to close out that part of my life. We shared laughter, love, a family, and even tears. Life does go on; it just isn't as fun or as fulfilling as it was. If I learned one thing from Doig's six years battling cancer, it was to try to live in the now because we don't know what the future will bring and we can't change yesterday. You notice I said try. Not easy, but then nobody ever promised that it would be. Take care everyone. Without love, we wouldn't have grief. Fay

  • KCsWife
    KCsWife Member Posts: 1
    Same boat

    Hi. I recently lost my husband too after battling stomach cancer for almost 2 years. He was only 32 when we found out. Sadly, he passed on July 25,2013 in Washington. I've been so busy preparing for "KC's" funeral services that I wasn't ever alone. Now, almost 2 months later, I'm not so busy. Our daughter goes to school and I'm left at home. I haven't had the urge or needed to seek employment right away. I've been cooped up dealing with all my emotions that keep coming at me left to right. 

    I'm sorry you only had 2 months left with your husband. I was very fortunate to have almost 2 years. but whatever the case, it's still extremely hard. I am a 28 year old widow. The only one within my age group. My husband was so young. Left this world too soon. Left me too soon. everything was just all so soon. I miss him terribly. 

    Everyone tells me time will heal the pain. I don't see it that way. Not now at least. I wish there was more I could've done. More the docs could've done..... It just was not enough time. 9 years with KC was far too short. I miss him.

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633
    KCsWife said:

    Same boat

    Hi. I recently lost my husband too after battling stomach cancer for almost 2 years. He was only 32 when we found out. Sadly, he passed on July 25,2013 in Washington. I've been so busy preparing for "KC's" funeral services that I wasn't ever alone. Now, almost 2 months later, I'm not so busy. Our daughter goes to school and I'm left at home. I haven't had the urge or needed to seek employment right away. I've been cooped up dealing with all my emotions that keep coming at me left to right. 

    I'm sorry you only had 2 months left with your husband. I was very fortunate to have almost 2 years. but whatever the case, it's still extremely hard. I am a 28 year old widow. The only one within my age group. My husband was so young. Left this world too soon. Left me too soon. everything was just all so soon. I miss him terribly. 

    Everyone tells me time will heal the pain. I don't see it that way. Not now at least. I wish there was more I could've done. More the docs could've done..... It just was not enough time. 9 years with KC was far too short. I miss him.

    Agree

    I agree. Your husband was way too young to die. I can tell you, though, that it is never long enough. My husband and I were married for 42 years and were blessed with 6 years of survival after his dx. Still not long enough. i can only imagine what is like to lose a spouse at such a young age. I hope you have a lot of support from family and friends. We each must find our way, grieving in our own time or way, but it helps to have support. Take care, Fay