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Dr Appt privacy

Posts: 9
Joined: Aug 2013

My UPSC post-surgery & treatment discussion is in a few days.  I have wonderful friends who insist on one of them going with me.  I know they mean well, but I really want to do this by myself.  I want time to digest the info & make m own decisions.  I think I'm being calm and rational about all this, and plan to ask a lot of questions and take notes.  I have researched my cancer a lot, and my friends don't know the intricacies of it.  I don't want un-educated friends ( On this subject ) asking a lot of needless/unrelated  questions.  How can I tell them I want to go by myself w/o hurting their feelings?

Kathy G.'s picture
Kathy G.
Posts: 168
Joined: Dec 2012

Welcome Emily!


Sorry you have to be here, but glad you found your way to this board. These are a phenominal group of compassionate and educated ladies always trying to help out and lend support.

I had similar feelings when I got my own diagnosis last year. I kept the news to myself for almost 24 hours before telling my husband first. I waited a couple days to get my daughters together to tell them. I waited until after the Thanksgiving holidays to tell my only sister. All wanted to be there for me to doctor's visits and support...which is truly a wonderful thing.

However, I tend towards privacy when going through emotional periods. I don't like people to see me upset, and although I felt I took the news well I had no idea what I would be told at appointments with the oncologist. I decided to take my husband and children with me, but the girls waited in the waiting room and my husband came back with me.

I don't know if that would be a suitable compromise for you and your friends, but it seemed to work for all of us with no hurt feelings.

Best of luck and prayers as you go through this process.


Posts: 9
Joined: Aug 2013

Thanks, Kathy.  Being a person who doesn't want anyone to see me @ an emotional low, I did go by myself.  I'm newly divorced (1 yr) & moved 1500 miles away.  My daughter is supportive, but she lives n VA & was here for my surgery. (UPSC Clear Cell).  I did fine@ my appt today.

Will have CT Scan in one week (have/had blood clot in ovarian vein & have to continue injections for another week) & then a week later return to Dr to set up chemo schedule.  Will do chemo, then RT with chemo, then chemo again.

Thanks to all for the support.

jazzy1's picture
Posts: 1385
Joined: Mar 2010

I do understand how you feel, as I was the same way at the beginning.  What I can tell you, there comes a point in time when we do need someone with us at appt.  You'll find with all the stress of simply hearing about cancer and treatments we tend to stop listening, even though doc is talking.  We don't catch what the doc said as still trying to swallow the idea of ingesting our bodies with toxic drugs.  Many things we miss could be quite important, therefore, I always bring my husband to the very important and detailed appts.  He ALWAYS catches things I missed.  Generally during the routine checkups I go alone as nothing really serious going on to have to remember.  You can always bring your daughter or close friend/relative if possible ....or a recorder to catch it all.

One thing I've done from day 1, write down on a card my questions or concerns to address at the appt. Surely don't have much time in front of the doc, plus who wants to leave his office and have thoughts of "oh darn why didn't I ask this/that".  

Best of luck with you in your journey,



Posts: 9
Joined: Aug 2013

Thanks Jan.  the Appt went ok.  Dr wrote everythingdown  as he talked.  Next step CT scan then schedule firstround of treatment.

Thanks for your advice

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