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all of a sudden i am suppose to be the expert

Roar's picture
Posts: 265
Joined: Mar 2013

in the last two weeks two of my peers at work have been diagnosed with different types of cancer. i am glad to give my personel experiance lessons but they have differant cancers. i referred them to this web site and gave them encouragement. it is kind of wierd because they are looking at me as there inspiration, and while i appreciate that i dont want to lead them down the wrong road. My advise was to listen to their doctors and register sign in get a member name and password as this is an anomoymis website and ask all the questions they want - to write down all their concerns and present that list to their doctors for evaluation.

CivilMatt's picture
Posts: 4317
Joined: May 2012


Sounds like you gave sound advice. Everybody handles cancer a little differently and who am I to say what is right or wrong.  Even within the H&N members we are clustered together, but have a world of opinions and side effects. 

I told a friend of mine about CSN because his mom had cancer.   I found out a few days ago she has passed.  One thing having cancer and being a member of the H&N clan has instilled upon me is having compassion for others.  Yesterday, I almost introduced myself to a lady wearing “I survived cancer” T-shirt, because I now belong to that club.

Feeling good,


rachel12yrsuv's picture
Posts: 435
Joined: Feb 2013


i do introduce myself or reach out and say me too!  We are close on here because we shared the same areas of cancer, but to any person who has any cancer or survived any we are all one family who fought the beast doesnt matter where he stuck.  


Roar, you are the inspiration.  Just like you once they are scared and you beat it and they need that hope that its out there for them too.  One person who really reached out to me was a friend of my Godmother who beat breast cancer, when i was scared or down i needed to talk to her to remind me i could beat this.  I was aware hers was completely different, but she fought and won and thats what i needed to know if i fight i can win.  Just be there for their fear.  Right now a girl i grew up with but havent talk to besides the occosional run in over the last 24 years is begining to fight breast cancer, here i am riddled with side effects handling my own depression and yet i Reached out and let her know i was here, she tells me whats gonna on i joke with her let her vent share what i experienced and right now thats all she needs, i fought i won so can she!



give back for what we recieved

debbiejeanne's picture
Posts: 3095
Joined: Jan 2010

roar, amoung the 3 of u, u r the expert, so to speak.  you gave good advice and i'm sure they appreciate that.  they r probably just very scared right now and figure u've been thru it, so u would know.  i hope they take ur advice and join this site.  here is where they'll find the info and support they're looking for. 


Skiffin16's picture
Posts: 8286
Joined: Sep 2009

On what MAtt said...

Sounds like you gave the best advice you could....


While I'm fairly educated on my type of cancer, and somewhat as for H&N in general... I'm pretty uneducated for other types of cancer and treatment....

Honestly, I hope it stays that way...


debbiejeanne's picture
Posts: 3095
Joined: Jan 2010

john, we ALL  hope it stays that way!!!!


phrannie51's picture
Posts: 4673
Joined: Mar 2012

diagnosed, the first person I ran to was a gal at work who had had breast cancer.  There really was little she could tell me, of course....but on my side of the equation, she was a wonderful ear for me.  The word "cancer" didn't rattle her....I could talk to her and she didn't flinch or get that fear look in her eye.  Just being there, Roar.....letting them talk to you.  The fact that you've been through all you have, I'm sure you don't flinch or start looking for an exit door....the words that go along with cancer have lost that "fight or flight" response.

You done good, sir Laughing


yensid683's picture
Posts: 319
Joined: Apr 2012

I know what you mean, but for me it was about getting information about dealing with cancer instead of treatment issues.  I work for a national industrial distribution company and have a good friend and co-worker at another of our locations whom I hadn't heard from in quite a while.  I had just been diagnosed and I finally got a call from him.  He'd been out dealing with prostate cancer.  I found some comfort in talking with him not because we had similar cancers, but because he'd had the diagnosis and had been successfully treated.  It gave me hope that I too could be a survivor (stage IVa SCC BOT w nodes).  I don't think they're looking for medical advice per se, but just knowing a survivor and someone to share their fears with is, I think, their motivation.

I can understand the fear of telling them something that would adversely impact them medically, but I'm thinking that they just needed hand holding from a survivor.

Like Phrannie said, you did a good thing.

If someone came to me regarding theirs or a loved ones diagnosis, I'd be there to listen and relate my experiences, but would shrink from offering any medical advice.

Roar's picture
Posts: 265
Joined: Mar 2013

thanks everyone - my concern was that their cancer was in their private areas and just didnt know how radiation would affect them - one doctor is telling my friend to remove his testicles and another cancer center wants to treat with radiation and shrink the tumer. this person is in stage 4. as a guy i know i wouldnt want my nuts cut off and would opt for radiation, however when the cancer was in my neck i didnt have to think twice - i wanted it out.

my other friend has prostate cancer and is going through radiation and chemo - i see him daily and he is still coming to work - i can see it in his eyes that it is starting to get to him but i give him support every day

donfoo's picture
Posts: 1648
Joined: Dec 2012


Even though the cancers are very different the mind trip is the same. And that is where you can offer much aid as doctors do very little to help patients cope with the anxiety and all the other emotional turmoil we go through. Be a good listener and you'll have plenty to offer over time. don

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