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How to ease fear and inspire acceptance?

Posts: 4
Joined: Aug 2013

My mom has been fighting lymphoma for 11 years. The cancer has now spread to her liver. She wants to keep fighting but her body is too weak for chemo. We have not received an official prognois but it is clear just from her physical state that her time is coming to an end. I am 26 years old and it is so difficult to watch her struggle. I want to help her make peace and help her come to terms with her own death and I just dont know where to start. She is so afraid and it kills me to see her fear. She is so heavily medicated she often becomes disoriented and begins to panic. I read so many inspirational stories of patients strongly facing the end with dignity and peace of mind. But what about when death is not so glamorus? I just dont know how to deal with it. I want to inspire peace in her soul but dont know how. I feel so helpless.

Alexandra's picture
Posts: 1311
Joined: Jul 2012

I don't think that outside of movies death is ever glamorous or easy or that anyone is ready.

If you mother is a religious woman, have her talk to the spiritual leader. Or an onco-psychologist. A lot of people call hospice, they are trained in end-of-life care and make the patient and family more comfortable. You don't have to constantly discuss death with her or around her. Just be there, talk to her, play her favorite music, cook and help around the house, give her a hug if she is scared.

Good luck.

jim and i's picture
jim and i
Posts: 1788
Joined: May 2011

Hug her, tell her you love her often. My grandmother fought until she was in the hospital on oxygen, after two days she finally asked my aunt to ask God, "If he is not going to heal me to take me." She had finally accepted and died peacefully. That was so hard for me to accept. But, I was not the one fighting the fight. I pray for your mother's peace and comfort as well as yours.


Posts: 4
Joined: Aug 2013

Thank you both for your responses. This is so hard and it helps to have the support of people who have been through this.

i am really struggling both emotionally and physically. I can't keep food down, I'm weak and of course weepy. But I know it will be ok it is just such a difficult path to travel. 

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