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Facing the end.

Posts: 74
Joined: Jun 2012

I dont know if many of you guys remember me.  I posted last June when my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer after having some pretty serious back issues.  It was discovered she had a tumor on her sacrum and then stage 4 colon cancer was diagnosed.  At the start of this I was very lost, angry, confused and hated everything about life.  This board helped me a great deal and I posted a few questions and got some great responses.   My mom was doing very well at the start of this summer and then she started having issues with the pain from the sacral met.   About 3 weeks ago she could hardly stay awake and could barely talk.  My dad took her to the hospital and she suffered a minor stroke.   She is being discharged from the hospital tomorrow and the doctor told my dad she has very little time left.    She will be returning home with hospice.  I knew this day would come but somehow after the initial shock and depression i felt with her diagnosis I hid everything well.   Today it feels like I am back when she first got diagnosed... lost and helpless.  These are the days I have dreaded my entire life... losing one of my parents.  

Posts: 1271
Joined: Apr 2012

I feel sorry for you.  Look up the thread call"Loss" and you will see I sympathize. Being my parents youngest child. I have buried both my parents and all four  of my brothers. Both my sister and my wife will probably not live to see Christmas.  In the book:The Road Less Traveled The opening sentance is:"life is hard."  It surely is isn't it?  But we have fond memories of what has passed!

johnnybegood's picture
Posts: 1122
Joined: Oct 2008

remeber you.i am so sorry about your situation.i recently lost my stepdad on may 5 he was like my dad as he and my mother had been married for 40 years and  i just turned 49.i know where you are coming from the years just seem to fly by.the only advise i can give you is try to just remember the good times and while she is still with you tell her you love her.they say time heals i know my mom,brother ,nephew and i just have not had enough of that healing time yet.be well and Godbless...johnnybegood

Posts: 1271
Joined: Apr 2012

I see my wife 3 or 4 times every week( I used to go every day). All I can do for her is tell her how much I love her  and that I know she loves me, even if she cannot say the words.  It is a tough disease to be the caregiver for,, since there is no remission ,only the progression to death!!!

KathiM's picture
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Try changing the way you are looking at it.  Remember all the time you DID get to spend with her.  


All of the good memories...they sure keep ME going!!!


And, I still live my life with the lessons they taught me....I know they would be proud!


Hugs, dearest!  Kathi

Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5382
Joined: Jan 2013

I am so sorry that your mum is losing the battle; and the same for your, DANKER. 

I agree with Kathi; try your best to enjoy every moment with her, your sorrow will only bring her down as she faces her last days.  Think about all you have learned and all the joyous moments that you have had across the years.

Take a little time to be sad when you are alone. My time is when I go to bed. 


Bee bee
Posts: 27
Joined: Jul 2013

I'm sorry you're going through this. I lost my father to cancer in May and besides the other advice you've been given, try not to leave anything unsaid. You may already already know this but several of my family thought they had done this, only to feel afterwards that they really hadn't told my dad everything they wanted. I hope you have the opportunity to do this. 


herdizziness's picture
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

A loss of your Mom is one of the hardest things in life you will have to go through, but you will be left with wonderful memories of all those years you had together try and hold on to those as you go through having to say goodbye.  Hold her hand when you can it will be a memory you will cherish every moment I spent with my Mom just before she left me are moments I will cherish forever.

I am so sorry you have to go through this.  With you in spirit.

Winter Marie

Maxiecat's picture
Posts: 544
Joined: Jul 2012

I remember you...we joinEd the board at just about the same time.  i have not faced the loss of a parent...my parents are both 79.  i think the most important thing right now is to just spend time together ... To let he know you are there for her.... To comfort and to share memories of happier times.  Let those you love know just how much they mean to you... None of us know how long we have on this earth.  Before I got sick last year, I never really thought about death and dying much.  Yes, I have had people in my life pass away... But never a parent, or a spouse... Or God forbid a child.  I now appreciate so much more than I ever did...the little things.  Like what it means to really be there for some one when they just need an ear or just to tell some one that you love them.



Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

Big hug.  My mom is alive but did have most of her thigh removed in September due to cancer.    It was so sad seeing her hurt even after my tough journey, I wish it would have been me. I am stage IV But much stronger.    Loss is so painful but we must endure and keep moving forward.  

So sorry for the times ahead. Stay strong. 

Posts: 197
Joined: Nov 2012

I still have both of my parents.  They are 80 now and both had had a lot of health issues.  My dad had three heart attacks.  The thought of losing one or both of them hurts my heart.  I love them so much and have always been really close to them.

My heart breaks for you.  Mom is my best friend and the thought of losing her brings tears to my eyes.

I hope you are doing okay.  There are so many people here who support you and we all want you to know we are thinking about you during this difficult time.


Posts: 74
Joined: Jun 2012

Thank you for the kind responses.   Danker, I would like to offer you my sympathy as well... I do not think I would have the same resolve and strength you have had in dealing with your issues.   Dealing with death is very hard and in the beginning of this journey I could not imagine losing my mom.   What I find difficult is being able to live my life in a normal fashion.  I have not felt like pursuing any of my hobbies, I have not kept up with my friends, Every waking moment my mom's illness has been on the back of my mind.   I have found myself realizing the small things I used to worry about really dont matter anymore.   Health and happiness is all we really have in life, you can be a billionaire and if you dont have those two things it doesnt mean a thing.

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