danker Member Posts: 1,276

We all have losses of various kinds. Be it the children leave, or become estranged.  A spouse or significant other Dies or leaves via divorce.   Whatever the way , loss is indeed hard.

My wife Josephine and I were married 56 years last month.  Yet I will soon loose her.  In a way I have lost her already, since she is no longer the lady I married so long ago.  She has alzheimers, and according to her Dr. probably won't make it to Christmas. 

I was dxed in December of 2009. 2010 brought chemo coupled with radiation.  Then a resection of my colon requiring an ileostomy.

6 weeks later a reversal of the ileostomy only to suffer a fistula.  But the fistula healed itself from the inside out.  God saw to it hat I was NED because Josephine needed me.  November 2012 I had to move her to a nursing home since she required more care than I could provide at home.

.  With my 4 children I do have fond memories of the 50+ good years we had.  We often traveled seeing most of the world over the years.


Cherish your loved ones while you have them.  


I wish you all as many good years as Josephine and I have had.


  • steveandnat
    steveandnat Member Posts: 886
    Sounds like an amazing wife

    You are so fortunate to be married for 56 years....cherish every day to the best of your ability. I pray whatever happen it will be peaceful. Jeff

  • janderson1964
    janderson1964 Member Posts: 2,215
    God bless you for the way you

    God bless you for the way you keep fighting through all of the heartache you have been dealing with your wife.

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    Dear Danker

    It is true, loss comes in many forms.

    Your situation with your Josephine reminds me of a cousin.  His wife developed alzheimers and he too had to place her in a home so she could get the care she needed.  But he went to have lunch and visit with her every day, even though she only thought of him as "that nice man" and didn't remember their long married life together.  It takes a special person to face the 'living loss' of a loved one with such devotion.

    While loss of any kind causes our heart to ache, if we are lucky we will get to a place where we can put the good memories to the forefront and be glad we had time with them.

    My best wishes to you and Josephine.

    Marie who loves kitties

  • myd
    myd Member Posts: 40
    Danker, I'm sorry for your

    Danker, I'm sorry for your situation and I admire your personal strength and resolve.  I know your loving memovies will give you strength to help you through this stage of life. 

    God Bless,


  • wawaju04976
    wawaju04976 Member Posts: 316
    God bless...hold on to those

    God bless...hold on to those memories!


  • lp1964
    lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member

    God bless...hold on to those

    God bless...hold on to those memories!


    When life gives you...

    ...something special it's hard to let it go. But would you have chosen not to have it so you don't have to lose it one day? Don't think so. We have to cherish of what we had and still have. Asking questions like: what could have been and what could still be is taking value away from the real thing. 

    I wish you strength to go through this tough transition and still find meaning in what life still has to offer if you open your heart and eyes.


  • LindaK.
    LindaK. Member Posts: 506 Member

    Thank you for sharing your love story.  My parents have been married almost 60 years also.  My mother has Alzheimers and my father still cares for her at home, God bless him.  I am the youngest of 5 children, thankfully most of us live nearby along with many adult grandchildren who also stop in and help out occasionally.  My mother rarely remembers who she is talking to, but still has some moments of clarity.  Since she has been on medication, she is happier.  When my father was hospitalized a few years ago and I stayed with her, we realized how much her dimentia had advanced.  She did not care at all about my father's illnesses or special needs, all she was concerned about was her food, appointments, etc.  Again, thankfully, we are all around to help out.  I know it is tough on the caregiver for a Alzheimers patient.  You are a wonderful husband, it is very difficult when your spouse that you love, no longer knows you or remembers the good years. I hope you are getting support and care from your children, too.


  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571
    I am so glad that you had all those years together...

    but I am truly sorry that it has to come to an end under such hard circumstances.  Alzheimers's is a horrible disease, in many ways worse than cancer, I feel.  No amount of physical suffering compares to having one's personhood stolen away.  We've had several people develop this disease in the family, and it's just so heartbreaking.  I hope the memories that you have of your life together bring you some comfort.


  • LivinginNH
    LivinginNH Member Posts: 1,456
    I truly admire your


    I truly admire your perseverance in caring for your wife even when faced with your own illness.  It certainly takes a special person to provide the constant care that is needed, it's not an easy task for anyone at any age.  And even though your dear wife may no longer be able to reminisce about your life together and the wonderful times that you've shared, I'm certain that when you look into her eyes, those memories still make you smile inside.

    All my best,