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Life isn't always fair

Bubbs21's picture
Posts: 47
Joined: Jul 2012

I have had my share of being touched by cancer.  Both my parents passed from cancer (MM for dad and lung cancer  for mom).  I have lost an aunt, a grandfather and multiple friends as well.  I have personally dealt with kidney cancer this last year and am currently NED.  Each time stepping up to the plate and dealing with what life has to test me/us with.  This time it is different.  My son's best friend who is 25 has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.  His life has gone from ' be all you can be' to a future that is measured in months.

I want to help and support both my son and his friend.  They are at a distance (about 6 hour drive).  Despite having been touched by cancer before, I have never felt so angry and overwhelmed.  I appreciate your listening to me vent and would appreciate any advise on how to support my son and his friend in the hours, day and weeks ahead.

Posts: 844
Joined: Mar 2011

One of them anyhow, help shine a light on lung cancer.  Make sure people know that you don't have to smoke to get lung cancer.  No one deserves cancer.  No one.  

Posts: 122
Joined: Sep 2011

My husband has been fighting lung cancer for 25 months and learned pertty early on that when someone says "if there's something I can do just let me know" it really means that person doesn't feel there is anything they can do. So the best advice I can offer is to do what you can do. If you cook something these kids love - make some extra and take them some, If you make quilts or knit or whatever and they comment on it often make one for them, if you are a great listener give them an ear, if you are a rock just be there. Just do what you can do... it will mean so much to them.

ToBeGolden's picture
Posts: 695
Joined: Aug 2010

I have metastatic cancer to the lungs and have a prognosis of months. The prognosis changes everything. I have extreme insomnia. I think there are far more patients with this "short" prognosis than is realized. I don't think knowing we are not alone is going to help much. Sorry for such a downer post. Rick.

Posts: 122
Joined: Sep 2011

When my husband was originally diagnosed he was told six months. That was 25 months ago. When they stopped his treatments because nothing was working they told him six months. That was five months ago and he's still going. There is a higher being than these doctors he is the only one with the road map to your life. Keep your fighting spirit!

Posts: 13
Joined: May 2014

I understand how you feel.  They've told me 10 to 14 months is about the average life span of someone with lung cancer that has spread.  Mine is in the bone.  A pulmonologist watched this since 2009 telling me it was nothing and I never had to worry about it.  Now, I'm stage 4 lung cancer.   

Posts: 773
Joined: Apr 2012

Cancer was a word that up until 10 years ago, wasn't in our family.  Then my sister breast cancer -- NED for 9 years, then our youngest son at 41 diagnosed with kidney cancer, lost the kidney and has been NED for 4 years, then an Aunt with esophageal cancer fought the good fight for almost 4 years, lost her 2 years ago.  Now my husband was diagnosed with laryngeal cancer 3 years ago, been NED from that for 2 1/2 years but one year ago 2nd primary at cervical of his esophagus.  4 months NED then reoccurred and spread to his lung.  He has declined further treatment and has had no tests done in 5 months because he doesn't want to know.  In fact, won't even consider going to the doctor.  His choice.  But all in all doing fairly well, but then again doesn't complain but I can see the changes.

Yes we do get angry and overwhelmed at the whole thing.  With all the money and research you would think by now that there would be a cure but there isn't.  Yes many are cured and live long happy lives, but too many aren't and too many at such young ages are lost to this beast.  Treatment alone can and does cause the end before the patient's time.  Chemo is a poison that cancer patients put in their bodies, radiation is the gift that keeps giving too.  After watching my husband and all he has been thru at his age of 76 today, he is a strong person, but I think if it was me I don't think I could do it, or even want to.

Doctors blame smoking for every type of cancer, but our son didn't smoke and never did.  My sister never smoke, my Aunt smoke occasionally years and years ago.  I have spoken with many cancer patients while waiting on my husband during his treatments and many never smoke or drank in their live and we all think it has more to do with the preservations that are used in our food supply today.  My husband's parents live to be in their 80's and 90's and they were farmers and all their food was fresh.  My mother lived to be 9 days short of her 85th birthday.  So the wonder is there. 

Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2014

Hi, I was reading through some old threads and noticed this. I am kind of going through the same thing. My advice is to take care of yourself and trust that your son will be ok. Hope you are doing fine now.

Posts: 844
Joined: Mar 2011

So sorry you have to go through something similar to this.  Are you the young patient or family member.  A friend from my cancer group was diagnosed n much the same.  She insisted on being tested for the ALK mutation and turned out she had it.  The Xalkori has  her feeling almost like a normal twenty-something.  Insist that they test for known useful mutations.  

My best to you. 

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