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New Met in his bones

Posts: 8
Joined: Apr 2013

They did another PET scan and the results were "more bad than good", a few of the lymph nodes and cleared but new ones are now lit up and they discovered tumors in his bones.  His Dr, who had been very "pro treatment" is definately talking different.  He has talked about pallative care, and keeping dad comfortable.  Dad has stage 4 EC which had already met in his brain and large tumor was removed for it in Feb..  Dad is still in complete denial so he wants to fight this and continue treatments.  It is so hard because he doesnt remember what the Dr's tell him and his thinking is not always clear. Even though he has been told many times what his diagnosis is, and the expectation of treatment, he continues to claim he doesnt know these things.   While the family will honor dad's wishes it is hard to watch him lose such valuable time fighting the side effects of chemo when we know the outcome is not good.  His Dr said at the last visit, that Chemo isnt going to work, but when dad wanted to continue treatment, the Dr said "we will continue to treat you as long as you want"   Dad has gotten weaker and weaker as each week of treatment passes.  On a positive note. we are still able to get him to eat lots of ice cream so his weight is holding steady and he has no pain.  He just doesnt have the energy to do much other than maybe a 5 minutes walk a day.  Any suggestions how we as a family should try and find the balance between quality of life, and respecting dad's wishes, I feel like im stuck between a rock and hard place.

paul61's picture
Posts: 1268
Joined: Apr 2010

I am sorry it has taken a while for someone to respond to your post. The CSN site has been acting rather erratically over the weekend. Hopefully whatever issues there were have been resolved at this point. I know you are in a very difficult position. If your Dad fails to accept his current medical situation it is very difficult to have a conversation about quality of life. 

I have to say if I were in your position I would continue to honor my Dad’s wishes until he reaches the point that he can’t care for himself or the point at which his oncologist states that the effects of this chemotherapy treatment are compromising his general health. I know it is a difficult position because you don’t want him to suffer.

Best Regards,

Paul Adams

Grand Blanc, Michigan

DX 10/2009 T2N1M0  Stage IIB - Ivor Lewis Surgery  12/3/2009 - Post Surgery Chemotherapy 2/2009 – 6/2009

Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU - Three Year Survivor

Posts: 8
Joined: Apr 2013

Thank you for your reply Paul.  Dad's general health is declining daily.  He had a fall last week and now needs assistance to get from a sitting to standing position.  His Dr has decided that Chemo had to be stopped "it will only jeopardize his overall general health." :)  Thanks to your reply i wasnt totally shocked when the Dr said this.   Hospice has been ordered however Dad is not aware of this yet.  He is still not wanting to talk about his condition.  He has an appointment to meet with his Dr next Friday.  Mom is trying to figure out how to tell him about Hopsice. Its weird how while he was healthy talks could be had about "what if" end of life health care, but now the subject seems totally taboo.  Im a little at a loss here as I returned home 2 weeks ago and wont be going back until the 17th (thankfully my brother is down in Fl helping them during this break for me). 

Posts: 32
Joined: Oct 2012

I think it's best to do what the "patient" wants done.  That's why Advanced Directives are so important.  I believe you honor the wishes of the person who is ill.  In some ways, it makes it more difficult for the caregivers, and in other ways, it makes it easier, in that it's their decision, and not yours.  I am going through this too.  I completely understand the difficulty.  I wish you and your loved one peace.

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