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Posts: 14
Joined: May 2013

Why do some people who say they are your friends abandon you when you get cancer   I've had 2 friends do this to me .

nupshal's picture
Posts: 9
Joined: Apr 2013

that happened.  I'm supporting a friend from afar (he hasn't told me about his treatments; I surmised from these boards).  There are times I don't know what to say, and I say that.  I'm sorry this happened to you.



fishmanpa's picture
Posts: 1217
Joined: Jan 2013

Hi Susan,

That only thing I can think of is they don't know what to say or just can't deal with it for whatever reason. I had it happen and from people I truly considered friends. Even some family dropped off the face of the Earth. My Mom would rather speak with Marcia than me because she can't deal with speaking with me and hearing my voice as I sound sick (not any more but whatever). On the other hand, I've had people who I didn't know or considered aquaintences come out of the woodwork and step up big time. 

I don't sweat it. They know where to find me ;)


Posts: 839
Joined: May 2013

the answer to that.  Once I was diagnosed, I had two VERY close friends offer to do all sorts of things for my kids while I was in the hospital.  They never contacted them and have kept quite a distance from me.  It's sad but you do learn who your TRUE friends are when you go through something like this. I'm very sorry this has happened to you, and I totally understand how you feel. 

phrannie51's picture
Posts: 4673
Joined: Mar 2012

I think most people find a couple friends, friends that they felt were close....lose touch with them during treatment....and at the same time....people they saw as aquaintences step up to the plate, and truly show how much they care and offer to be there if needed.  I'm sorry this happened to you.

fisrpotpe's picture
Posts: 1349
Joined: Aug 2010

- where they really my friends before i was dianosed or were they just having fun

- they don't know what to say... amazing they don't they just have to hang out every couple days

- they don't know what to do... they only need to offer and do the little things and remain upbeat when around the cancer fighter

- they don't want their life changed by your/our problems.... they are selfish

- they may think it is contagoius... not true but ya never know what they are thinking

- your life has changed for the rest of your/our life... they don't want change

- they don't have God, Jesus and the Holy spirit in there life

who really knows but I sure love the ones that fought the fight with me and are still supporting me


CherieLW's picture
Posts: 472
Joined: May 2013

Sorry to hear that :( I couldn't imagine leaving a friend who is going through something like that.  Anyways, I hope you have some other friends or new ones who can give you the type of support you need.  I personally haven't gone through cancer, but my dad just completed his first week of treatments.  Good luck to you Susan!  I hope your friends come back around. 

CivilMatt's picture
Posts: 4321
Joined: May 2012


Who knows why people do anything?  I too felt the “friendship abandonment”.  I guess I should have prefaced my cancer with I am writing my will and I am trying to figure out who to leave my worldly treasures (or some crap), then maybe they would stick around.

Some people are like fireman, they run to danger and can handle the pressure others are like ice-cream in the sun and just melt away.

I don’t have the energy or time to waste (especially time) on why.  Cancer is one word you want to read in a book or newspaper not on your medical chart.  It is the pepper spray of words.

If you want, the H&N forum is full of new friends, all types, all ages and they are full of good advice and real time knowledge and they know how to listen. 

Cancer is hard all together.


Duggie88's picture
Posts: 703
Joined: Feb 2010


I agree except I have no more will. I am spending the kids inheritance except for when I go to the casino and play craps. For some reason they want to give me money. Maybe it's the cocky enthusiasm I bring to the table. Although cancer has tried to knock me back a step or two I don't plan on crapping out soon.

Enjoy the day.


Duggie88's picture
Posts: 703
Joined: Feb 2010

I believe you misclassified them as friends. They may have had reasons to shut you out but a friend would have comunicated the reasons.  I have learned to worry about the things I have control of and just brush off the rest. For what it's worth.........thats my $.02. Life goes on.

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