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Introducing "us"

DCZROSE's picture
Posts: 3
Joined: May 2013

My name is Sheri and I am a 54 year old female caring for my 54 year old "significant other". We are not legally married but have been a couple for 9 1/2 years. Dave was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer with metastasis to the brain (and significant lymph malignancy) on April 15 2013. He began whole brain radiation treatments but was unable to tolerate them and stopped just before his last one. He is to weak for chemo to the lung. His 75 year old Mother, his youngest sister and I have been caring for him at home for the past month with the help of Hospice (since the radiation treatments stopped). It has been an emptional roller coster ride to watch a healthy and vigerous man become like a 4 year old child.

I hope to touch base with other "spouses" to help me through this nightmare. i know I am not alone but I feel so lost.


DCZROSE's picture
Posts: 3
Joined: May 2013

Thanks anyway

wolfen's picture
Posts: 1330
Joined: Apr 2009

I do not sleep much these days and I saw your post and did not want you to think that no one cares. I have noticed that the Lung Cancer board is not quite as active with posters as some of the others. I, myself, post mostly on the Colon board & the H&N board.

My daughter is a Stage IV Colon Cancer survivor. My husband of 41 years lost his battle with H&N and Lung Cancers almost three weeks ago. The world is a lonely place right now. I do understand some of what you are going through. My hubby's condition deteriorated rapidly after his diagnosis in Oct. 2012. He was also a big, strong, tough guy. It was heartbreaking for both of us as his body was ravaged by this beast and mutiple other medical problems. He fought as hard as he could, but it was all too much for him.

I'm afraid I don't have any sage advice for you except to always let him know how much you love him and will stand by him. Just try your best to be strong.

You are not alone. I might suggest that you post on the Caregiver section in "Other Discussin Boards". Perhaps someone there will respond. Also, check for local support groups in your area. Hospice may be able to suggest some. The Hospice in my area was able to have my hubby transported to our home for his last few hours, and I am forever grateful for that, even though it was painful.




Posts: 3
Joined: May 2013

I wonder, if the lack of response is due to the late, advanced stage of disease by the time of diagnosis...making prognosis grim in many situations.  But it was nice of you to respond to her.  and I am sorry to hear of your husband's passing but happy to know he was able to leave from home. 

Karirenee's picture
Posts: 2
Joined: Apr 2013

Hi Sheri,

My name is Kari and it seemed you really needed someone to talk to....a couple days ago. I just joined here this last month myself and I was really let down that I got no replies and the dates on peoples letters I was reading was like 2009!

I have stage 3 small cell lung cancer diagnosed in March 2013. I have finished my therapies or so they say for now. On Wednesday I have a CT Scan to see if the cancer has metastisized. I guess there is a pretty good chance it will. I just turned 61 in April. I smoked most of my life so I guess this is no surprise to me. I lost my Dad to this same kind of cancer 2 years ago. He lasted 8 months and died one week before his 80th birthday. He had not smoked for 40 years and still got the disease!

I feel real bad for you having to watch your man go through this. My husband has been my rock! I am so thankful that he is strong for me. You hang in there and find yourself some help for you and your guy. It is out there. There are places you can go on the web that you might find more comforting from other caregivers.

I wish you good luck and your family is in our prayers.  Respectfully, Kari

Posts: 3
Joined: May 2013

Hi!  I feel your pain and am as lost as you must feel.  My husband was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer in Oct.  He went through Radiation therapy, got down to 130# due to esophageal burns and is on his 3rd chemo drug.  The radiation shrunk his tumor but the chemo did not prevent spread.  It sounds like we are on the last treatment option with a 10% chance of it working.  I am terrified.  I while I do not want him to die, I do not want him to suffer...  I wish I could offer you some comfort, I don't know what to say.  I have found annoucing our 'Red Letter Day's' to him and marking them on the calendar, somehow make me feel better...temporarily...and maybe they will make me feel better when I look back on all I have lost.  My sympathies to you and Dave.  Prayer is about the only other thing I can recommend. 

Lime Flamingo's picture
Lime Flamingo
Posts: 15
Joined: Mar 2013

I have 2 living sisters.  The three of us cared for our mother through 2 separate lung cancers.   It was exhausting, but easier to be with her than to worry when not with her.  The cancer took her 8 years ago.  I must say I miss her as much today as the day she died.    Just this week our oldest sister, 66 has been diagnosed with stage 2 adenocarcinoma.  Be cause of the size of the mass she is not a good candidate for surgery.  Still sorting out what to do.  She is my rock.  There is more.  Feb, 2013 is was diagnosed with Anal Cancer.  Underwent the worst treatment you can imagine.  Looking for a full recovery for me.  When you love someone you feel their every blink.  Stay strong and seek help for yourself.  You have to be healthy in order to care for your loved one.  We do not know when we will go, but live and love while you are here.  I care and I'm sure many more do as well.  You are never alone.

Rosi's picture
Posts: 69
Joined: Dec 2009

Hi Sheri, reading your letter was very hart for me, because my husband also had stage 4 met.to the brain and I was the only caregiver and working full time. how I did it? I do not know because my husband was my everything for 40 years, and he was always strong, good looking never sick (only cigarretes) and I new it was terminal. I will go to work all day and come home to take care of him, only God was taking care of me survive for two years this torture of my husband, many times i had to pick him up from the floor, because he lost his balance, (because of the tumors of the brain) he lost so much weight o my God help me.

It is very cruel,nothing can take the pain away to see your husband like this...now that he is not anymore with me I look at heaven and know that he is my angel.  Sheri don`t give up, be strong and take care.

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