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Feeling depressed

Posts: 50
Joined: Jun 2009

I just joined this forum a few days ago.  My 59 year old husband  has probable stage 4 colorectal cancer with liver mets.  He is seeing the gastroenterologist tomorrow for the purpose of having a sigosopymoidoscopy/colonoscopy/endoscopy in order to obtain a biopsy.  I spoke with our internist today and he did not sound optimistic and wasn't even sure surgery would be an option.  I just wish this process would speed up so some treatment could be started.  I spoke with  several doctors at the hospital I work at and they seemed less pessimistic.  I know each case is unique.  I am so depressed.  My husband feels fine.  No pain.  His only symptom has been intolerance to fatty or greasy foods.  I want treatment to start  ASAP.  With me being an RN doesn't help.

I thank all of you for the wealth of information.  I also do not know if I should take time off from work.  My patients today said I looked  worn and tired, which I am.






belindahill's picture
Posts: 144
Joined: Jan 2011

Hi, I remember going through this with my husband nearly 3 years ago, and yes he is stage 4, and yes it's been a roller coaster ride. He had surgery, then started chemo, he has worked all the way through, I have supported him as much as I can, it does get easier, he is on a clinicle trial, only started this today in Manchester. Your husband will get through this with you support and knowledge. The drugs to fight his cancer will be the best. Any information you want about side effects and what type of chemo he will have message me and I will try my best to help. Chin up, take care. 

Posts: 1428
Joined: Feb 2011

Waiting for results of tests causes a lot of anxiety.... at first it seems like you have endless doctors appointments, scans, etc. and you just want to get on with the fight.   It's going to be a long road ahead of you,  take one step at a time and review all of your options ..... at some points it will be good to get second opinions,  and this all takes time.  It's good you've talked to other doctors where you work.   Best of luck with his tests.  Keep us posted.

Posts: 1170
Joined: Sep 2012

As far as taking time off, I would advise keeping up your regular routine. Its good to keep busy. The fact that your a nurse gives me pause. You don't want to be distracted at work. Making mistakes at work would only cause you more stress. It's easy to make mistakes when you have such heavy issues on your mind. Sitting at home and obsessing will not do any good. Maybe you could take some time off and use it to keep busy with projects around the house etc. As caregivers, I do think it's important that we not give up everything due to our spouses illness. Generally speaking, they do not want us to do this. For those of us who are trying to manage the cancer as a chronic illness, I think keeping a normal routine is beneficial.

I wouldn't become too upset or too happy about any comment any one doctor has to say. Take everything with a grain of salt. Trust no doc/onc completely. Figure everything out yourself. Make sure you and your hubby are always in the drivers seat. Good luck.


annalexandria's picture
Posts: 2573
Joined: Oct 2011

you're at the beginning of a long journey, and there's still plenty of reason to have hope.   There are a number of people on this board with metastatic conditions, who have been living with it for years.  There are also many who have been told surgery was not an option but who got to the point of resection with the help of chemo and other treatments.

I think the "not knowing" part is really the worst, and found that my mental state (as the patient) improved considerably once I had all the details and got a tx plan underway.  I hope it will be the same for you and your husband.

Keep us posted on how you both are doing.  Hugs and strength coming your way~Ann Alexandria

wawaju04976's picture
Posts: 316
Joined: Dec 2012

My surgeon did not give me any hope. My oncologist did. Once I got to my oncologist, I had options and hope. My surgeon was only going by statistics, and was not up to date on the latest cancer treatments. That was in Nov 2012. Do not be discouraged. I went back to my surgeon in March and he was shocked by how good I looked and how well I was doing. I had the enema last week and will be having my colostomy reversed (by my surgeon) on June 17th. I really want him to see, and learn, not to give the "death sentence" spiel. I remember when he told me the biopsy results of my liver (colon cancer in the liver). I asked him if there was a cure, he said no. He said usually months to a couple of years. I was devastated. But, when I finally started looking up things on the internet (and learned to look for "longterm survivors of stage 4 colon cancer" instead of just "staged 4 colon cancer" I felt like I had options. Then, my oncologist told me it was very treatable. I needed to hear this. I feel better now than I have felt in a long time. I will have my 12th folfox tx Friday. Your surgeon does just that...surgery. He is not a cancer specialist!

Hang in there...


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