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New member

Posts: 4
Joined: May 2013

Hi there-

I was diagnosed about a year ago with stage 4 colorectal cancer that had metastasised to my liver. I was 39 when I was diagnosed. It has been a difficult year. I am hopeful and very scared. My wife is my primary caregiver and it is already wearing thin on her. I try not to ask for anything, but I can tell she is very tried of this already. I understand she is tired, but I do not know who to turn to. I am really looking for a place to find a friend.



Lovekitties's picture
Posts: 3372
Joined: Jan 2010

Dear James,

It is very difficult for our loved ones to deal with our diagnosis and treatments, as they feel particularly helpless in helping us to be all better.

Some here have found counseling, either thru their religious affiliation or non-secular folks, to be of help.  Either together or separately, this may help you both find a way to deal with life as it is now.  If you are in the USA, you might contact your local chapter of the American Cancer Society as they too have support groups or referals to groups.  Also your doctors or local hospital may have some suggestions.

If you fill out your profile regarding your treatments, surgeries and such, folks here will be able to see it and perhaps have some info to share.

While our members are from around the world, we are all as close as the keyboard when someone needs some help.

Wishing you and your wife better and better days.

Marie who loves kitties

BrianH's picture
Posts: 10
Joined: Jan 2013

I was in your situation last year.  Stage 4 went for huge surgery and HIPEC and it is just my wife and I.  6 weeks in the hospital and then 7 months of chemo just about did the marriage in.  I was totally dependent on my wife at times.  In the hospital for support, when we returned home she did all the bag feeding setup for me each night, and dealing with me who was a grumpy guss many times when I wasn't feeling good.  Simple things like standing outside the shower each morning to hold the chemo pump, and buttoning up my shirts when my neuropothy was acting up, all was such a help for me.  I thought that I told her how much I appreciated the help often but either I didn't say it enough or she just didn't hear it, it turned into a big issue for us.  She was tired of being a nurse as much as I was tired of being the patient.  When we talk about those days it comes up that she felt under appreciated. So every marriage is different and I can see how marriages don't survive times like these, but I would just say show your appreciation for her help as often as you can in whatever ways you can think of. 


Good luck to you

annalexandria's picture
Posts: 2573
Joined: Oct 2011

Not a club any of us wants to join, but now that you are one of us, hopefully we can provide some support and information.  It can be very wearing on our caregivers, and I have found it helpful to have conversational outlets other than those who are closest to me.  These online forums are great for that.  And they are also a good source for information.  Pretty much whatever you might be going through, someone will have experienced it at some point and have some input for you.  Are you presently in treatment?  Ann Alexandria

Posts: 4
Joined: May 2013

yes, I am currently in treatment. Radiation finished last summer...now I am on perpetual chemo. drip and pills. You are right...speaking to an outsider does help. Even sitting at a coffee shop, which sounds like a good idea right now....so I am off! best.

Posts: 4
Joined: May 2013

Thanks for the kind words...I have been trying to sign in for days and today was the magic day for some reason. Oh well. I do know this disease is hard on everyone involved, sometimes it is hard not to take loved ones grieving processes personally. I know I need to give everyone time. As the saying goes, the drowning man paddles the hardest. I will do my best to keep my feelings at bay while everyone learns their new normal.

Posts: 2215
Joined: Oct 2011

Unfortunately  it can be just as tuff on the caregiver. My wife has been going through this with me for nearly 8 years now. I am sure your wife like mine is very worried which can really wear on your emotions. I have had 4 major surgeries and 5 hospital stays. The hospital stays are the worst for her probobly becaus i look my worst and she has to go through the tiring task of driving to the hospital every day. Oddly it seems like we had our biggest arguments in the hospital or shortly after i got out.

Ruthmomto4's picture
Posts: 694
Joined: May 2013


my husband is stage 3, but has a liver lesion right now that we are are waiting on. i can tell you that although we get tired of this and maybe sometimes we do, most of the time we are just scared and maybe talking to her about that will help? I know for me sometimes scared comes as angry or it looks like I am.

Semira's picture
Posts: 378
Joined: Mar 2012

welcome to our little international family with so much wisdom and information.

A welcome hug fro Cologne, Germany

Petra (caregiver to husband with stage IV coloncancer)


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