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So sad and lost and overwhelmed

Pumakitty's picture
Posts: 652
Joined: Mar 2010

Dad has been home two weeks and it has been a true rollercoaster.  He seems so much worse then he did in rehab.  He will only stay up and hour or two at the most when therapy is not there.  He will work really hard for the therapist and they say how great he is doing, but when they leave it is nothing.  At times he seems mentally out of it, like before the stroke. 

I am afraid that when we go to the oncologist tomorrow, he is going to say dad is not strong enough for chemo and that is not going to be good. 


I am also afraid mom and I are not going to be able to care for him at home.  I am still waiting to her from Medicaid.  The docs do not think he is ready of hospice, unless tomorrows appointment changes that.  Last night he had me up every hour on the hour until 6:00am then he was ready to go to sleep and I had to come to work.    Mom and I are both nervous wrecks. 


Sorry to complain, just needed to talk.





Posts: 757
Joined: Apr 2012

So sorry to hear about your Dad.  But remember you must take care of yourself too.  As caregivers we must remember to take care of ourselves too.  As far as hospice, when my husband declined further treatment, one oncologist wanted us to go ahead and call hospice but he didn't want it right now.  Then when we met with his primary care doctor to keep him informed of what was going on, we talked about hospice.  First thing my husband said was that he felt if we called them in now, he could just go downhill fast and the doctor agreed with him.

Don't get me wrong, hospice is great.  They were here for my mother and the nurses that came to our home were great.  But right now my husband is really doing pretty good for the shape he is in.  Not much pain and is able to do what he wants to do, when he wants too.  At 76 with 3 years of fighting cancer, he is doing just as good as he was before we found out that it has spread to his lung and reoccurred at the cervical of his esophagus and was much larger than when found the first time a year ago.  

If you don't think your Dad is strong enough for chemo, you should ask your Dad what he wants.  Chemo is hard on anyone regardless of whether their health was good before.  Also remember everyone reacts differently to chemo and radiation.  

Don't worry about complaining, we all need that from time to time and only those that have been thru it can understand what you are going thru.

Wishing the best to you and your parents -- Sharon

cureitall66's picture
Posts: 911
Joined: Aug 2012

I'm sorry to hear the setback with your dad. You are a lifesaver to your mother at this time. I'm sure she appreciates your help right now. She probably couldn't keep up if it wasn't for you. Caregivers have a tough role but somehow we get through it and know it is helping the situation. Try to stay strong.

I wish for you to get some rest and peacefullness soon.



josh r.
Posts: 251
Joined: Oct 2010

Hi Kathy,

I too am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. No apologises are necessary, we are all here to support each other and you and yours have us firmly behind you. Prayers on the why, josh r.

jim and i's picture
jim and i
Posts: 1788
Joined: May 2011



phrannie51's picture
Posts: 4672
Joined: Mar 2012

lost and overwhelmed....and sad.  All this has got to be so hard on you and your mom.  I honestly don't know how you're pulling this off....there is no way anyone would be able to be up all night, and be able to work the next day. 

These huge transitions in life are very hard....things we know are coming from probably our 40's on, but they still seem way out there...then suddenly here they are dumped into our laps.

I know this is said over and over here....but you do have to care for yourself....sleep is an essential part of staying healthy enough to help your dad.  Is there a way to keep him awake during the day, so he'll get off the night shift? 


Grandmax4's picture
Posts: 709
Joined: Dec 2011

you today, as your Dad learns his treatment, hope something will turn around, so you can get some rest..we're here to listen, good,bad,or whatever you're feeling

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